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Topic: The other woman
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CheeseWizz

2/17/2016 7:22:53 PM
Member since:
Jul 2010
Total posts:264
The other woman

What would you do if you found out that not only was your boyfriend cheating on you ... but that you were actually the one he was cheating with.  
Turns out this fine gentleman is married with two kids. AND has been cheating on his family for at least two years.  
Apparently easy to do when he works out of town.  
Would you go out of your way to tell his family?  
Or would you just sit and let karma happen (hopefully)  
Any thoughts?

 
 
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Brenda

2/17/2016 7:27:10 PM
Member since:
Jul 2005
Total posts:8944
ultimatium

He tell his family or you will.

MrMechanic

2/17/2016 7:37:03 PM
Member since:
Jan 2009
Total posts:379
Or you could...

Just break it off and move on. Why ruin what is possibly a decent family so you can feel better. Just let him know that this is a chance to be a man and stop screwing around.

mightyquinn2

2/17/2016 7:42:16 PM
Member since:
Jun 2015
Total posts:96
Yikes!!!!

If he travels who knows how many women he has in different cities..if I were you I'd get to a doctor and get tested..this was common among oil rig workers..they would travel to different places and sleep with different women and spread diseases and leave a lot of the young ladies with little bundles of joy to take care of as well. I know a couple years back Virden had a baby boom and an outbreak of gonorrhea and clamytia and other diseases. Get checked out and if you test positive for anything its your duty to tell his wife cuz the scum bag won't.

CorvidDreamer

2/17/2016 8:07:11 PM
Member since:
Nov 2008
Total posts:618
Be smart about it.

As mightyuinn2 said, go to a Dr and have them test you, don't be embarrassed to tell them why either. If you test positive for anything, depending on what it is, the clinic or Manitoba Health would notify him and his wife anyway. Also, if they have keys to your place, change the locks. Change your passwords and pins on all your accounts. It's up to you whether or not you want to tell his Mrs. Maybe she knows, maybe not. Maybe she's just waiting for the proof of infidelity so she can end her marriage. Just be smart about how you do it and keep yourself safe.  

Brenda

2/17/2016 8:14:28 PM
Member since:
Jul 2005
Total posts:8944
why

  
MrMechanic said "Just break it off and move on. Why ruin what is possibly a decent family so you can feel better. Just let him know that this is a chance to be a man and stop screwing around. "

Should he get the chance to be a man? He has already proven he deserves nothing.

Marpet

2/17/2016 8:20:25 PM
Member since:
Jun 2007
Total posts:550
He is obviously. ..

...a dirt bag but he's a dirt bag with kids and know matter how hurt you may be that doesn't give you the right to destroy his kids. It will happen at some point but you don't need the guilt of knowing you were involved. Break it off and leave it be. If he keeps at you warn him that you will tell but most of all move on.  
 
Marpet

K-S

2/17/2016 8:32:44 PM
Member since:
Jul 2015
Total posts:30
well,

If I were in your position I would tell the wife. Only because if I were the wife I would want to know. The man clearly can't be trusted, so don't trust him to tell the wife. If you choose to contact her... apologize, and tell her what you know, and recommend she get tested.  
She may already suspect his cheating, might be in denial. Do what you morally think is right.

CheeseWizz

2/17/2016 8:39:46 PM
Member since:
Jul 2010
Total posts:264
The other woman

Testing has already been done. And the gentleman has already been dumped. Just wondering if his wife should be told. His children are teenagers.

MrMechanic

2/17/2016 8:43:53 PM
Member since:
Jan 2009
Total posts:379
Well,

Possibly you could be part of fixing someone that's an idiot. And maybe saving a family that might still have a chance. But I would never expect a non emotional comment from a woman on this subject. The chance to save a family, or be the other woman that makes sure 2 kids lose their dad. I think the biggest picture is the family, not the disgruntled gf

MrMechanic

2/17/2016 8:44:58 PM
Member since:
Jan 2009
Total posts:379
Ok, teens,

Tell her lol. Thought for some reason it was tykes

ooga

2/17/2016 8:58:22 PM
Member since:
Jun 2012
Total posts:690
yes

She deserves to know the truth. You would want to know if you were her, I'm sure.

CR

2/17/2016 10:05:20 PM
Member since:
Apr 2011
Total posts:81
I would want to know

Wouldn't be an easy conversation though...yikes!

Tater

2/17/2016 10:48:26 PM
Member since:
Jul 2013
Total posts:310
Do whatever you feel is right

It's not your job to fix anything, and it wouldn't be your fault if this guys marriage suffered or ended- that's on him. Whatever helps YOU move on is the best you can do. Good luck!

CommonTater

2/17/2016 11:03:49 PM
Member since:
Jan 2014
Total posts:784
Agreed

You're next move should be entirely based on what feels right to you.  
 
Edited by CommonTater, 2016-02-17 23:05:02

traveller

2/18/2016 12:31:39 AM
Member since:
Jun 2007
Total posts:8955
:)

that really sucks, as a wife i would want to know, i think lol, but i dod agree that you really have no idea what is going on in his marriage so the best thing is to do what YOU feel will make you happy  
 
if its getting closure from telling her or feel morally right, fine do that then, if its just forgetting about the drama that will cause, fine too. right now you are the only one you have to worry about  
 
good luck

Happy mom

2/18/2016 1:39:34 AM
Member since:
Aug 2012
Total posts:22
:/

Having been the other woman, but also being cheated on its a difficult position for any human to make a judgment call of what's right or wrong here. I think your best bet is to take some time away from this curfuffle and really mul over the what ifs, and who know in the mean time maybe karma will do the "dirty" work for you. Don't go doing something because someone on ebrandon said it was what you should do, what they would want, or how something like this happened and this it what I did.... Because every situation is different. Your moral compass will show you which direction to take!

delyla

2/18/2016 9:29:16 AM
Member since:
May 2011
Total posts:366
w

  
CheeseWizz said "What would you do if you found out that not only was your boyfriend cheating on you ... but that you were actually the one he was cheating with.  
Turns out this fine gentleman is married with two kids. AND has been cheating on his family for at least two years.  
Apparently easy to do when he works out of town.  
Would you go out of your way to tell his family?  
Or would you just sit and let karma happen (hopefully)  
Any thoughts? "

What is to be gained by telling the family. I am sure she has figured out if it has been going on that long. He has likely spread himself over a large area. Run. With or without an ultimatum which is silly.

CatMan

2/18/2016 9:38:55 AM
Member since:
May 2012
Total posts:1026
Take the High Road

Nothing to be gained from telling her, she probably already knows and has chosen to ignore it. You might experience a brief feeling of retribution, but will probably regret it later.  
Cut off all contact and move on. As Delyla said, run. and don't look back.  
Sorry for any pain this has caused you. Stay strong.

traveller

2/18/2016 10:20:29 AM
Member since:
Jun 2007
Total posts:8955
:)

while i can see the point of nothing can be gained by telling the wife but dont really think its true, you dont know what she thinks or what she is going through AT ALL, maybe she does suspect but he has talked his way out of it, maybe she has family pressure so she dosnt want to leave just because she feels like he might be cheating but they would support her if she had proof, telling her would give her that proof and if it were me it would hurt to know for sure but then i WOULD know for sure at least and that is what you can gain telling her, basically being honest to her when the person she should trust the most wont tell her the truth, that imo is worth the hurt  
 
of course it could go the other way too and she may want to be in denial and doesn't want to know, will still believe him ect then really telling her wont harm her either because he will likely make up some crap that she will buy and it will be a blip in their week  
 
the only reason i say dont bother is if the op doesnt feel like getting involved in the drama, then that is her right and i wouldnt blame her for that

Mela

2/18/2016 11:24:16 AM
Member since:
May 2008
Total posts:1133
.

Walk away and never look back. Telling his wife is not your responsibility and even though she deserves to know, mentally I'm just going to say you need to cut yourself off from the situation. I've been down this road and it's horrifying and it demeaned everything that I stood for in my life and sent me down a horrid shame spiral. Keeping myself involved in it by involving myself in their family would have destroyed me even more.  
 
If he's already cheating on his wife, they have other problems too and it is their family to deal with, not yours. Maybe that feels like breaking a code not to tell her, but chances are she already knows and she is NOT your responsibility. You really will only give him more power over you mentally if you involve yourself in the breakdown of his marriage and family life. WALK AWAY hun. No...run away. I cut off ties immediately even though he gave my number to his friends so he'd have a safe go-between and I told him to lose my number entirely and disappear from my life and it was honestly the only thing that kept me sane at all.

my thoughts

2/18/2016 11:25:44 AM
Member since:
Sep 2008
Total posts:1683
agree with others walk away

just walk away with your dignity in tact and chock it up to a "life lesson" might be a bitter pill to swallow but let it go learn from it and move on  
 
You have nothing to gain by dwelling on it or telling his wife only hurting yourself more. Eventually he will trap himself in his own web of lies some point down the road and be held accountable for them.  
Do yourself a favor and look to the future "life is short" and this "fine gentlemen" as you called him is definitely not worth anymore of your time. Why stoop to his level rise above him.  
 
And do not think just because children are teens  
that they would be affected less then younger kids if anything it could be just the opposite.  
 
In the end it is your choice and you have to live with your decision and the fallout of your "revenge-seeking" and that is all it would be you would just have one other woman and two innocent kids being caught up in an emotional turmoil that may effect their lives forever.  
Think about the old saying "revenge is a dish best served cold"

adc

2/18/2016 11:34:32 AM
Member since:
Jun 2011
Total posts:772
:.:

I agree with others, if my husband did that, I would want to know. I believe this woman has the right to know that she can't trust her husband as far as she could throw him.

plus zero

2/18/2016 2:06:18 PM
Member since:
Jan 2009
Total posts:1177
my opinion

is I do not see anything wrong to let the other woman know as she probably already suspects just she doesn't have proof because no one comes forward and he feeding her lies. I know a man and he sure is very good with lies, all the sneaky stories to feed you with all the tricks. It hurts to be lied to and be played like a fool and the longer it takes to realize or find out the more it hurts and take time to recover so the sooner it may be better that she is being told.  
I doubt that this relationship will last for long long time. He is wrecking his own relationship not you.

Tamara79

2/18/2016 2:45:15 PM
Member since:
Apr 2007
Total posts:2055
Common sense

Aren't you glad you found out? Would you have rather have been left in the dark so you could continue to stay with 'your' boyfriend unbeknownst of his cheating ways? Why would you think she would be any different. Let her know and walk away, cutting off all contact.

oldmanteacher

2/18/2016 6:48:08 PM
Member since:
Dec 2012
Total posts:4
Cheater

I would let karma do the butt kicking. Men are to be of honour, stalward in their purpose of defending good over evil. Let him cook.

Never_give_up

2/18/2016 8:21:22 PM
Member since:
Apr 2010
Total posts:329
Close the book

What purpose would it serve to tell the wife? You wouldn't be telling her because she is someone you care about, you don't know her. You would be doing it to satisfy something in you. And I'm almost certain that telling his wife isn't actually going to make you feel whatever it is you need to feel. I think you really need to get to the 'why' you want to tell her. If you can get there you will realize that it has nothing to do with her and her right to know. The sooner you can get him out of your head the better you will be.

adc

2/18/2016 9:25:41 PM
Member since:
Jun 2011
Total posts:772
:.:

So if if was your husband cheating on you, you wouldn't want to know?

newmember

2/18/2016 10:02:37 PM
Member since:
Mar 2011
Total posts:68
WOW

I'm shocked by some of these responses! Im one of these wives. Husband cheated for a few years, I was the last to know. Many of our "friends" knew but chose to say nothing. People don't want to get involved in this type of thing it seems. Do I wish someone told me?? ABSOLUTELY. It would have saved me ALOT of extra pain, heartache & stress. And no I wasn't in denial or had my suspicions. I never, ever seen his affair coming, ever.

Never_give_up

2/18/2016 10:05:35 PM
Member since:
Apr 2010
Total posts:329
.

This situation isn't about whether as the wife I would want to know. The facts here are that you, I, nor the other women know the wife. We can't possibly know what she would want. I think it's also fair to say that if the other women was to tell the wife it wouldn't be because she was doing something nice for the wife. It would be about vengeance, and nothing good ever comes from that. I know a lady who has been told her husband cheats, she has heard many times. She doesn't want to be told, she has stayed with her husband for 40 years and chooses to believe it's not true. It doesn't matter how many times she is told, she will stay. I don't think it's fair to decide what another women would want based on what we would want. I also think doing something to get back at someone is only giving that person power over you. When someone hurts you, you can choose to try to even the score or you can choose to allow yourself to heal and come out smarter and stronger.

 
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