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Topic: What can you do
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Music_Lover

10/5/2018 10:46:02 PM
Member since:
Sep 2011
Total posts:155
What can you do

What do you do if you are constantly being verbally abused by strangers about your looks?

comeonsummer

10/5/2018 11:30:19 PM
Member since:
Feb 2017
Total posts:99
hmm

I would say you need to work on your self confidence so that strangers’ opinions don’t even matter to you.

miller

10/6/2018 4:29:18 AM
Member since:
Apr 2010
Total posts:132
...

Pity them for their shallow view on life and try to put it behind you. Though it's not easy I know

chillywilly_guy

10/6/2018 5:51:51 AM
Member since:
Nov 2014
Total posts:3
Your not alone

I understand your predicament. I’ve heard it all from people trying to help... ignore what others say, beauty comes from within, be confident, it’s only words, your unique, etc.  
Don’t get me wrong I do believe in all of that but as Miller said it is easier said than done. It took me years to get where I am and be happy. Don’t let time discourage you.  
I thought it would be easier once I graduated high school but that wasn’t the case. I found it even more difficult and people were more rude and mean.  
I won’t say the way I went about overcoming it will work for you or that you gotta try it. I will say that everyday I feel stronger.  
Sticking to the topic I don’t feel comfortable explaining in detail openly as I am still a working progress. I will say that you, or anyone that is going through the same or similar situation, could pm me and We could go from there.  
Take care of yourself first. The rest will follow

Counsellor

10/6/2018 9:48:18 AM
Member since:
Aug 2016
Total posts:60
Abused about looks

Write it out  
Very therapeutic  
Say everything in the letter, then burn it  
 
It’s about them, not you  
 
Also, counselling can help

Lucille58

10/6/2018 10:47:13 AM
Member since:
Aug 2012
Total posts:245
Are these strangers kids?

I know kids can be pretty blunt and rude, but adult strangers are verbally abusing you about your looks?  
Wow! Just ignore them and know you are better than them.

Music_Lover

10/6/2018 11:05:49 AM
Member since:
Sep 2011
Total posts:155
What can you do

Thanks for the helpful replies :-)  
 
It's mainly the younger girls that are saying nasty things. Words like sick, gross or even awful sounding noises that I guess are implying I am sick looking. Feels horrible to be treated this way especially when I am looking for a GF. Makes me think if girls really think I am that ugly then what chance would I have? But you are all right. I should just ignore them but it's so hard sometimes. I keep replaying those situations over and over. I mean, over time it gets a little better but doesn't help my confidence. But one thing is for sure though, I won't let it ruin my going out as that's the one thing I really enjoy.

Marlo_01

10/7/2018 1:46:25 PM
Member since:
Jun 2015
Total posts:59
Looks

I know its tough. I've been in vaguely similar situations. Our society has become quite judgemental putting looks above all else. I would ignore these type of people, they are the real ugly ones.

MDG

10/7/2018 4:33:45 PM
Member since:
Jan 2008
Total posts:774
Or. . . .

however hard to do in the moment, try looking directly at them, smile & say "thank you" !! Pleasantness directed toward mean people throws them off!

ram1952

10/7/2018 5:13:15 PM
Member since:
Mar 2017
Total posts:57
you can't really

blame the ignorant individuals as they don't know any better. We live in a society where we are bombarded through the media, that we have to have a perfect body, skin, and should be physically fit. If your 70 you should look like 40. You need to have perfectly fitting designer cloths in order to maintain a fashion style etc. Not everyone can be a perfect weight, have perfect skin tone or afford to keep up with the latest fashion. You need to first and foremost like and love yourself for what you are and who you are. If you like yourself the comments won't hurt that bad, and are easier to ignore. If you don't really like yourself and rely on the opinions of others to establish your worth, life will not be that enjoyable for you. As one person stated you can use some one liner comments if you wish, and that may throw the individuals off balance - I had a friend who was larger then life and someone referred to her as a pig to which she replied - Thankyou - its nice to see someone acknowledge my personal qualities - persevernce, intelligence and guts. Hang in there - eventually you will meet that special someone.

Pawprints

10/7/2018 8:37:58 PM
Member since:
Apr 2018
Total posts:141
You could say

That yeah, I may be "ugly" but you are ignorant and you can't fix ignorance!  
 
I know a person that has many burn scars to the face/body and yet, that person found someone who was able to look past it and fall in love with beauty inside!! Happily married!!!  
 
Stay positive Music Lover because already, judging by your name, I feel you are a kind and loving soul. Good luck!

Shebear

10/7/2018 8:55:40 PM
Member since:
Aug 2013
Total posts:435
hi

  
ram1952 said "blame the ignorant individuals as they don't know any better. We live in a society where we are bombarded through the media, that we have to have a perfect body, skin, and should be physically fit. If your 70 you should look like 40. You need to have perfectly fitting designer cloths in order to maintain a fashion style etc. Not everyone can be a perfect weight, have perfect skin tone or afford to keep up with the latest fashion. You need to first and foremost like and love yourself for what you are and who you are. If you like yourself the comments won't hurt that bad, and are easier to ignore. If you don't really like yourself and rely on the opinions of others to establish your worth, life will not be that enjoyable for you. As one person stated you can use some one liner comments if you wish, and that may throw the individuals off balance - I had a friend who was larger then life and someone referred to her as a pig to which she replied - Thankyou - its nice to see someone acknowledge my personal qualities - persevernce, intelligence and guts. Hang in there - eventually you will meet that special someone. "

Totally agree. Society thinks they have it all right but they dont and people sometimes use all these fashions and this and that to hide their insecurities and false sense of security by following the crowd. Dare to be different. I dont look like I used to and am fat and let my hair go natural grey and I know I get judged on that, but am finding Im more caring giving now to those who do accept me now,and even smiling at strangers or rewarding someone who is kind to me genuinely, and those who do judge me cause of my lack of hairdye, DDD sized butt and tummy, and my waddle like a duck, they can blow it out their shorts !

Shebear

10/7/2018 9:05:54 PM
Member since:
Aug 2013
Total posts:435
it

  
Music_Lover said "What do you do if you are constantly being verbally abused by strangers about your looks? "

hurts to be judged and called names and diff things, and you''''d think that stuff would go away after junior highschool but adults are just as bad, which is sad,just smile and walk away if you can, and find people who do accept you and try to enjoy time with them, and when you are home then you can cry to get it out of your system, then dry your tears and make yourself look nice and go out for lunch or shopping or visit a friend,or volunteer somewhere so you feel needed and are helping others at the same time? I dont know how old you are, but it takes while to get the confidence and ya know what even as a adult things can still hurt, but let it go and learn to be happy with yourself, develop your own style of dress and hair style that you like and dont feel guilty or worry what others will think, cause there will always be poopey people on this planet who are like emotional vampires and are just mean, and you cant change that or them, but you can change how you respond at least for that moment. We can never make everyone happy or be liked by everyone, and thats just a hard fact of life we have to learn to accept no matter how old we are.And obnoxious people dont help lol If you are meant to be with someone it will happen as its fate, and they will accept you as you are. There are plenty of people who are societies idea of beautiful and are really ugly inside. Id sooner have someone with a good heart,kind,listens, caring giving cuddly smart etc etc...and the right person for you will see either of those qualities in you.  
 
Edited by Shebear, 2018-10-07 21:15:14

artsylikes

10/7/2018 9:07:09 PM
Member since:
Oct 2016
Total posts:72
If I were you

I would say, I am sorry you are hurting inside and going through something that is obviously out of your control. Hopefully you get the courage to ask for help to work through it rather then take your internal turmoil out on someone else.

Music_Lover

10/7/2018 9:42:22 PM
Member since:
Sep 2011
Total posts:155
What can you do

Really loving these replies! They actually make me feel a lot better. I'm been worrying about what people think of me my whole life but I gotta try and change that. Like what I've been told before. Don't worry about what other people think of you, they live with their thoughts. I guess people are always gonna judge no matter what. Just gotta try and stop worrying about it :-)

Seana-T

10/8/2018 1:11:06 PM
Member since:
Mar 2011
Total posts:42
Yes

Exactly, negative unhappy/unconfident people are going judge not matter what you do. It’s no reflection on you but of them. You can’t control their actions but you can control your reaction and what you think of them (how much you really think you should value their opinion)(you shouldn’t value their garbage opinion at all). Decent human beings don’t look at one attribute as a persons defining character.

Spades!!

10/8/2018 1:38:32 PM
Member since:
May 2011
Total posts:761
Other Posts have said it all

I totally agree Music_Lover!! Those people making mean comments are only showing their insecurities. It’s not about you.  
 
You shine on with your own natural beauty that comes from deep inside.

Music_Lover

10/8/2018 3:37:49 PM
Member since:
Sep 2011
Total posts:155
What can you do

Thank you all for this. It really helps me a lot. I always thought it was to do with me but I realize now it's not me, it's them. They are the ones with the issues. They are the ones that have no respect for anyone at all. I'm glad I was taught well on how to treat other people. Just gotta try and forget about these kinds of people. There still are good people out there :-)

JackAzz

10/9/2018 1:28:06 PM
Member since:
Jul 2008
Total posts:1413
Another thing

Later in life many of those same people will be the ones replaying their words in their heads, and regreting them. Not that it really helps you now, but many people do come to realize eventually and are embarassed and regretful.

Music_Lover

10/9/2018 11:56:59 PM
Member since:
Sep 2011
Total posts:155
What can you do

Yea that's true. They will probably think differently about it when they are older.

Exhausted

10/11/2018 3:59:00 AM
Member since:
Nov 2010
Total posts:1214
Older won’t make “people” change.

Nasty young just turn into nastier older.  
 
Older nasty ones get more sneaky about how they do it.  
 
Talking behind your back etc.  
 
I have dealt with this forever. Developing your own self confidence and self worth is so important.  
 
And if you have so called friends like this. Drop them out of your life.  
 
When I look back to pictures in my teens and young adult. I think. Man I was pretty. Too much of that crap stuck to me.  
 
There is one comment (don’t use st work). I used to use was look them right in the eye and say “who pissed in your corn flakes today”.  
 
Go for it girl. You are the best. And make the most of what you got and flaunt it.

ram1952

10/11/2018 11:19:30 AM
Member since:
Mar 2017
Total posts:57
Ehausted is right

these nasty individuals don't mellow with age - some get worse. As a senior - one thing I've noticed is that these individuals were either the "bullies" or the so called "cool kids" in school who thought they were above everyone else. If you check these individuals 10-20 or even 30 years later you will find that they have very little wisdom or intelligence and are stuck in a dead end job with no future, in addition to a life they are unsatisfied with. As a result they have a lot of resentment for those that are successful and enjoy life, and find it necessary to bring them down to their level of misery. Having said that - I can assure you there are many, many wonderful people living in this world. You'll find them.

Music_Lover

10/12/2018 11:23:56 PM
Member since:
Sep 2011
Total posts:155
What can you do

Yea I can see what you guys mean. I mean, I assume most of them change but I guess there are some that don't. They just stay miserable all the time and think highly of themselves. It's quite sad really, to waste all their time judging and criticizing everyone. Meanwhile, they never realize that we are all the same deep down inside. But oh well, as long as we can rise above all this and be the better person :-)

 
 
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