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Topic: What to do with a neighbor
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JeffS

7/12/2012 10:09:31 PM
Member since:
May 2011
Total posts:49
What to do with a neighbor

I have a neighbor who tips back a few too many occasionally, along with his girlfriend. She is an unlicensed person, and he is a big softy, and I consider him a friend. About a week ago, she and he had an argument, and she left. She returned home driving his vehicle, and rear-ended my car. The damage was minimal, but enough to warrant me asking for an explanation at least. I was standing not 20 feet from my car on my doorstep, so I actually witnessed her doing it. She Denied my claim, and swore at me a little, and then ignored me, got back into the vehicle and drove off.  
I never confronted my male neighbor friend about the issue, and that seemed to be that.  
Today I went over for a visit, and she was having a few drinks and brought up the issue of me "accusing" her of hitting my car. I have a witness, and a scratch (very minimal as I stated) on my bumper. When she brought it up, I took my male neighbor friend to see it, as she had begun to argue with me about the fact that it had actually happened. When he saw that there was an actual scratch, he had no argument with me.  
But when we returned to his home, she blew it right out of proportion, and then asked me to leave. I did, of course apologizing to my male neighbor, and came home.  
I ponder the question to E-Brandonites, these people (Him specifically), are my neighbors, we have lived next door to one another for years. Her behavior, and lack of respect for, obviously, her neighbors, and friends, I ask simply this.  
WHAT DO I DO? I like my neighbor friend, and don't want animosity towards him.

 
 
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Mandy6

7/13/2012 12:04:33 AM
Member since:
Jul 2012
Total posts:932
That is too bad

That sure makes it tough. She sounds very immature. Hopefully he sees what kind of person she is at the very least. Maybe he will realize she is not worth his time. I don't have an answer, but I'm going to be thinking about your predicament.

Truthie

7/13/2012 1:41:34 AM
Member since:
Jun 2009
Total posts:885
HE

doesn't seem to have an issue with it. lol you think you're the only one who sees her for what she is? i'm sure he's been dealing with it for years. as to what to do, i'd tell her next time you see her driving that you're calling the cops. doesn't sound much like she should even be behind the wheel and is probably why she doesn't have a license. i wouldn't back down much or she's just gonna get worse if she thinks she has the upper hand. next time it could be a kid playing in a yard she hits. just sayin.

JeffS

7/13/2012 7:27:39 AM
Member since:
May 2011
Total posts:49
Truthie

Not for years...they have been together less than 2 years. He lived a bachelor life, and she met him and was moved in within a day or 2.

Torn Rawks

7/13/2012 9:49:45 AM
Member since:
Jun 2010
Total posts:131
It's her

Some ppl may balk at this - but I have seen it too often in my life to "dismiss".  
 
Her outbursts, irrational behaviour and denial this incident even happened is simple.  
 
Your friend, the male neighbour needs to either do something, or get her out of his life before she drags him down.  
 
Clearly she has a problem. That problem is alcoholism. She needs help or set free.

cloudy

7/13/2012 10:10:45 AM
Member since:
Mar 2012
Total posts:7
thats rough

but i think you should have just reported her hitting your car. she seems like more of a nuisance then anything. its too bad for your neighbor, maybe he likes the way she is. but as someone living next to you she should be showing some respect, unless they plan on moving sometime soon.

ontrack

7/13/2012 11:27:06 AM
Member since:
Feb 2011
Total posts:75
License

Why the heck don't you phone the cops, if she is drinking and driving and with no license how would you feel if she hit a child or anyone. They do not have to know it was you making the call. She needs help before this happens,and why the hell would her boyfriend let her drive without having a license.what about next time she causes more damage to you or someone else ????????????????????

Fishin Guy

7/13/2012 12:07:35 PM
Member since:
Dec 2005
Total posts:6311
...

Easy...Next time she is drinking and driving phone the police. If you want to carry on a friendship with this fellow ask just him over for beers.

hatsoff

7/13/2012 12:58:24 PM
Member since:
Jun 2012
Total posts:399
uuhhmmm....

If she is going to treat you that way and not take responsibility for her actions, which she obviously has no intentions of, I would report her. If he can't understand why you would do that he is probably not the type of friend you want. You reporting her has nothing to do with him. If that were me she would be lucky if all I do is report her.

hatsoff

7/13/2012 1:02:15 PM
Member since:
Jun 2012
Total posts:399
Also...

I am strongly opposed to drinking and driving, nevermind if you have no valid licence. Her being on the road like that endangering people, she has no right to endanger the life of my 5 year old who also occupies roadways in the back seat of my vehicle. I would hold you partially responsible if anything happened for knowingly letting her do this. I am sorry but that is how I feel.

Hackeda

7/13/2012 1:25:28 PM
Member since:
Nov 2007
Total posts:2696
Why be friends?

I get that this guy is your friend because you're neighbours but really? Do you want to be friends with someone that condones drinking and driving? He's just as much a loser as she is.......in my opinion. He's getting laid by his drunken live-in problem but you're getting screwed.  
 
Nod and wave at him.  
 
I agree with others. You should have reported the incident. It was about her, not him. You should definitely report her drinking and driving the next time you see it. You could save a life!  
 

Ain't that nice

7/13/2012 9:06:12 PM
Member since:
Dec 2010
Total posts:340
What to do...

is let this post fill up for a couple days and let your male friend show her what people say about the situation, sorry to hear your in such a bind!

newschoolmac

7/13/2012 9:39:15 PM
Member since:
Jan 2011
Total posts:19
mpi

just call mpi and tell them you were hit, if they ask who maybe give them the license of your neighbor. it seems like you dont want to put them or yourself through that but your car is important and very costly. i am a mechanic and i know that even a small scratch can need filling of the scratch, buffing and then repainting, which is not cheap! if you care more about your car then your neighbors i would call MPI.  

JeffS

7/14/2012 1:12:45 PM
Member since:
May 2011
Total posts:49
Replies.

Thank you all for the replies. I know that the situation is complicated, and i agree that she needs to be reported, but if I sit here all day waiting for her to get drunk and drive, that is a huge waste of my life. I would prefer not to get MPI involved with the "scratch", as it is just a scratch. It's just a car.  
 
But she is CRAZY! and I feel bad for Him...if it was as simple as him kicking her to the curb, that would be great, but she was pregnant within 2 weeks of them meeting, and they have a baby now. sigh. I will do everything in my power to keep this woman off the road.  
Thank You all for the advice...and no, I can't just go kick her ass...

daisychain

7/14/2012 3:00:21 PM
Member since:
Aug 2007
Total posts:2840
Well,

it sounds like you have made up your mind to do nothing about it and that is really sad. If you consider a "friendship" more important than reporting a drunk driver who hit your car and continued driving then shame on you. I just hope this woman dosen't hit and/or kill someone, that guilt will eat you alive. Cheers!!

Oryx

7/16/2012 7:35:29 AM
Member since:
Jul 2005
Total posts:5476
..

  
VTECDOHC said "just call mpi and tell them you were hit, if they ask who maybe give them the license of your neighbor. it seems like you dont want to put them or yourself through that but your car is important and very costly. i am a mechanic and i know that even a small scratch can need filling of the scratch, buffing and then repainting, which is not cheap! if you care more about your car then your neighbors i would call MPI.  
"

All you have to do is give them the license plate of the vehicle that hit you. Which belongs to the neighbour. He can be liable for anyone who drives his vehicle.

daisychain

7/16/2012 9:05:05 AM
Member since:
Aug 2007
Total posts:2840
JeffS last post

to me says he is not interested in persuing this, he just came on here to rant about it. He would rather be "friendly" with a neighbour than report a drunk driver. (idiot) This drunk is not good for your neighbour, and perhaps reporting her is the best thing you can do for him, but you choose to not man-up and watch a drunk driver leave the scene of an accident, that says alot about your moral character.

heartsnstars

7/16/2012 9:17:02 AM
Member since:
Jun 2011
Total posts:147
Wow.

People here can be so judgy and accusing! He actually never said she was drunk when she was driving. He said that she and her bf occasionally have too many and then starts talking about her driving. And even if she was driving drunk..he's supposed to call the cops and be like 'oh there's a drunk driver somewhere in Brandon possibly, but I don't actually know that she's drunk and I don't know where she went' cause I'm pretty sure he didn't do a breathalizer. And hindsight is 20/20. Even if he thinks now that he should have reported her, in the moment, we don't always think about stuff like that. Sometimes we're angry and not thinking rationally. Sometimes it's hard to get a plate as the car is driving away as well, unless he's supposed to have the plate memorized?  
 
As for the advice you were ACTUALLY looking for...I'd say just try to steer clear of her and try to be buds with your neighbour when she's not around. Unfortunately, there isn't really anything you can do in this situation. When people are with significant others that aren't good for them, there's usually nothing you can do or say, they need to realize it on their own. I'd say if she damages any of your property again I'd go up to your neighbour and discuss it. Say you understand it's not his fault, etc, but you really don't appreciate your stuff being damaged. Then maybe he'll go out of his way to prevent situations as he'll see them affecting others.

hatsoff

7/16/2012 10:38:25 AM
Member since:
Jun 2012
Total posts:399
WOW yourself,

How do you know what advice he/she is looking for? Your opinion of the situation is not the only valid one.

heartsnstars

7/16/2012 12:30:33 PM
Member since:
Jun 2011
Total posts:147
Actually, hatsoff

He clearly stated in his post 'WHAT DO I DO?' in all caps. Not 'WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE' or 'CRUCIFY MY PLEASE, BECAUSE YOU ALL CLEARLY HAVE PERFECT JUDGEMENT'. I didn't say my opinion was the only valid one. I'm just saying you guys don't need to attack him, he's just looking for some insight on how to PROCEED.

lala land

7/16/2012 12:44:52 PM
Member since:
Aug 2009
Total posts:90
Illegal

If you witness a person driving without a license and you don't take action, you're enabling her in committing a crime. If she had killed someone while out driving, you would be partly responsible (in conscience) in not doing your part!! Thank God she only scratched a car instead of killing someone!! Do your due diligence next time and make an anonymous call to the cops and report her. End of problem and you don't have to get into it with your neighbor.  
 
 
 
Edited by lala land, 2012-07-16 12:48:01

JeffS

7/16/2012 3:56:51 PM
Member since:
May 2011
Total posts:49
Some additions to this conversation to clarify

I have spoken with persons of interest indirectly regarding this situation, and it seems that they would have the same conundrum in the circumstances. As it turns out I DIDN'T mention that she was drunk, so all of you assuming on here that she was or wasn't is irrelevant, perhaps reading the entire post without predetermined judgement would be wise. heartsnstars was the first non-critical response to my plea for some sort of relegation to my dilemma...The primary question wasn't about her driving record, her hitting my car, or whether she drove drunk or not. THE ENTIRE QUESTION was regarding what to do about my male neighbor friend and possibly finding a solution to the situation that arose AFTER i proposed the facts to all of you E-Brandonites.  
 
Those that bashed me for "Letting her drive drunk" and calling me an "Idiot" for not reporting her, perhaps should refrain from posting more responses, I would not feel guilty, and am NOT responsible for other peoples behavior, or lack of moral competent decision making, she is an adult, and makes her own conscience decisions for herself, as do I.  
Thank You to those that actually read through the posts, and came to some conclusions that may help.

Oryx

7/16/2012 4:54:54 PM
Member since:
Jul 2005
Total posts:5476
Jeff

I re-read your original post. My answer is that you remain civil with him as a neighbour but don't bother wasting your time trying getting to know her or spending anytime with her. I think that she has made your friendship with your neighbour awkward and that things won't change until...something changes. I ask you, how important is your neighbours friendship to you?

JeffS

7/16/2012 8:12:03 PM
Member since:
May 2011
Total posts:49
Not as much the friendship

  
Oryx said "I re-read your original post. My answer is that you remain civil with him as a neighbour but don't bother wasting your time trying getting to know her or spending anytime with her. I think that she has made your friendship with your neighbour awkward and that things won't change until...something changes. I ask you, how important is your neighbours friendship to you? "

It's not as much the friendship, as to his long term well being, and the comfort level of living next door all the while knowing her motivations, and incorrigibility with her behavior. I don't want to involve myself directly, or confront my neighbor in such a way that would create animosity towards himself and me, or my wife and him also. He WAS and IS a neighbor, and has been for a very long time, and we always share things, like lawn mowing, snowplowing, tree trimming, not to mention our homes when visited. We don't have a 6' fence, and we like to randomly chat from time to time. We are neighborly with all of our neighbors, and know almost all of the people that live on our street. This is really becoming an issue, since it is affecting the relaxed atmosphere of our neighborhood.


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