Search For
 

 
Discussion Groups: Relationships & Dating


Topic: Is it time to just let go?
0 Like(s)   


SpaceCrazy

10/12/2012 2:37:10 AM
Member since:
Mar 2012
Total posts:24
Is it time to just let go?

So I was currently engaged to this man, that I really love, with all my heart. I truly do. We were going to get married. But he always takes off and never invites me. He broke up with me a couple days ago, then we got back together. Then broke up with me the day before yesterday, then he said he was just mad that we had a fight earlier. Then he just broke up with me tonight. He is drunk btw, drinking with his brothers. An i can't stop crying. I asked him if this is what he wants and he said yes, that he wants to be free and do what he wants to do. I feel bad for always nagging at him, constantly texting him. He always ignores me. Then I get angry and call him an asshole, etc. I dont know if it is finally time to let go, or if i should stay and keep fighting. It seems like this is always happening.. I just don't know how to make sense of this all. I'm really hurting. Someone help me please.

 
 
  Advertisement
 
curious_george

10/12/2012 3:16:24 AM
Member since:
Jan 2012
Total posts:33
Messing with you

Obviously he just messing with you,he does this so he justify what he does and then comes back because he knows you are waiting to take him back.  
 
Try this, call his bluff tell him fine it's done and let it be. I guarantee he will start calling in a couple of days but stay tough and ignore it and if it is meant to be he will be bugging you like crazy and wanting to be with you.....

Degenerate108

10/12/2012 3:45:07 AM
Member since:
Dec 2008
Total posts:3784
.

Honest opinion, He doesn't sound mature enough to commit to marriage. Couples fight, it's what they do, they don't however dangle a commitment like marriage in front of their partner and hold it hostage when they don't get their way.  
If it were me, I'd step back and really evaluate this relationship because it sounds like you're both at different points in your lives.  
The poster above me is right too by the way, he's doing what he does because he's figured you out.

usually right

10/12/2012 5:47:31 AM
Member since:
Jan 2010
Total posts:129
Crank it up!

We are never ever EVER getting back together...like EVER! Dance around in your underwear while drinking YOUR own bottle of whatever makes you feel good and then BLAST this song by Taylor Swift in his ear!!!

gopherit

10/12/2012 6:02:50 AM
Member since:
Jun 2009
Total posts:434
....

this sounds like someone I know! He kept doing it because he could and now he's gone, regrets what's happened, knows he's been an A=hole but still doing what he wants when he wants. You may love him but what he's doing to you is NOT love. He was just hoping once the ring was on your finger you'd let him away with everything because you love him and have let him back all the time. Let it go and it's your turn to call the shots...AA AND counselling or no wedding. DON'T let him back and give him a warm bed, clean laundry, and sex when he can't get it at the bar or whatever it is he's after. People like this do not change (as a rule) and most of the time don't even want to. Breaking up 3 times in what looks to be a week or so is no way to go thru life.

Windinthetrees

10/12/2012 6:34:44 AM
Member since:
Aug 2010
Total posts:426
..

  
The_greatest_guy said "Obviously he just messing with you,he does this so he justify what he does and then comes back because he knows you are waiting to take him back.  
 
Try this, call his bluff tell him fine it's done and let it be. I guarantee he will start calling in a couple of days but stay tough and ignore it and if it is meant to be he will be bugging you like crazy and wanting to be with you..... "

While I agree that he is messing with you and you are enabling him to do so, I do not agree with the advice of calling his bluff. Then you will BOTH be playing games and that is not the way to head into a serious relationship, let alone marriage.

Oryx

10/12/2012 7:11:13 AM
Member since:
Jul 2005
Total posts:5508
....

Here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: They don’t break up with you.

grem81

10/12/2012 7:18:01 AM
Member since:
Jan 2010
Total posts:742
.

Let go. Sounds like he wants his freedom but is scared to take it, so he is settling with you. If you do stay and he settles and does not experience his idea of freedom he will resent you.

NOYB

10/12/2012 7:38:49 AM
Member since:
May 2008
Total posts:429
Men versus Women

Men marry women, hoping they will never change, but they do. Women marry men with thoughts of how to change them, but men never change. The turmoil you feel right now, will not change once you are married. Let him go, and move on. There are a lot of sweet guys out there!! Just got to dig through the crap to find them!!

traveller

10/12/2012 7:52:08 AM
Member since:
Jun 2007
Total posts:9056
>:

  
SpaceCrazy said "So I was currently engaged to this man, that I really love, with all my heart. I truly do. We were going to get married. But he always takes off and never invites me. He broke up with me a couple days ago, then we got back together. Then broke up with me the day before yesterday, then he said he was just mad that we had a fight earlier. Then he just broke up with me tonight. He is drunk btw, drinking with his brothers. An i can't stop crying. I asked him if this is what he wants and he said yes, that he wants to be free and do what he wants to do. I feel bad for always nagging at him, constantly texting him. He always ignores me. Then I get angry and call him an asshole, etc. I dont know if it is finally time to let go, or if i should stay and keep fighting. It seems like this is always happening.. I just don't know how to make sense of this all. I'm really hurting. Someone help me please. "

didn't read all the posts but this guy is not marriage material yet and don't feel bad for calling him an asshole, that is what he is being!

What goes around...

10/12/2012 8:18:24 AM
Member since:
Oct 2009
Total posts:334
.

  
usually right said "We are never ever EVER getting back together...like EVER! Dance around in your underwear while drinking YOUR own bottle of whatever makes you feel good and then BLAST this song by Taylor Swift in his ear!!! "

LMAO! Worst song ever but got the right advice for this situation.

Gilly Beans

10/12/2012 8:24:32 AM
Member since:
Feb 2011
Total posts:33
Break Up

I live by..."You teach people how to treat you." He does what he does because you let it happen. Break up. Maybe in the future he'll be ready and you'll meet up again (happened to me Or you'll meet someone you deserve.  
Best of luck.

Tamika 01

10/12/2012 8:34:20 AM
Member since:
Aug 2010
Total posts:505
Don't ignore the

RED FLAGS IN FRONT OF YOU!!! This is who he is. You want to live like this or you want to be happy. People can change but that too can take time. If your young get away and enjoy being young. You have your whole life ahead of you. There is plenty of time to meet the right guy that will make you happy.

hisluvmonkey

10/12/2012 8:49:20 AM
Member since:
Oct 2009
Total posts:1199
Just get out

  
Tamika 01 said "RED FLAGS IN FRONT OF YOU!!! This is who he is. You want to live like this or you want to be happy. People can change but that too can take time. If your young get away and enjoy being young. You have your whole life ahead of you. There is plenty of time to meet the right guy that will make you happy. "

and don't look back. If you have to ask others you are already ignoring the sensible voice in your head!

Fondue

10/12/2012 8:54:36 AM
Member since:
Apr 2007
Total posts:1116
Fish

Time to let go. You don't want to live like this. You already knew this in your heart. The reason you're still "hanging around" is that you know it will hurt but it's only temporary. Once a good man comes around, you'll forget him easily.  
There are plenty of fish in the sea but this one honey, is not even a fish. He is a sea weed!

Jenniferj

10/12/2012 8:57:42 AM
Member since:
Aug 2010
Total posts:143
The best predictor of furture behavior

is past behavior. If you do take him back you will spend every day wondering when he will break up with you again...because he will.  
But you already know that or you wouldn't have aired it on here. You know you are right. MOVE ON!

Humphrey

10/12/2012 9:12:33 AM
Member since:
Apr 2010
Total posts:590
Instead

  
SpaceCrazy said "So I was currently engaged to this man, that I really love, with all my heart. I truly do. We were going to get married. But he always takes off and never invites me. He broke up with me a couple days ago, then we got back together. Then broke up with me the day before yesterday, then he said he was just mad that we had a fight earlier. Then he just broke up with me tonight. He is drunk btw, drinking with his brothers. An i can't stop crying. I asked him if this is what he wants and he said yes, that he wants to be free and do what he wants to do. I feel bad for always nagging at him, constantly texting him. He always ignores me. Then I get angry and call him an asshole, etc. I dont know if it is finally time to let go, or if i should stay and keep fighting. It seems like this is always happening.. I just don't know how to make sense of this all. I'm really hurting. Someone help me please. "

of spending time and energy fighting for him (a man who obviously doesn't care about you), why not choose to fight for yourself and a better life?

NA

10/12/2012 9:23:45 AM
Member since:
May 2011
Total posts:350
At least you're not married

If he is showing this behaviour now, what would it be like if you were married? At this point, you should cut your losses and run. He is too immature to get married or even have a committed relationship.  
 
Sometimes it takes a hard hit for a guy to want to grow up and change his attitude. It would only do you good to go and maybe he will have learned his lesson for his next relationship.

jgr

10/12/2012 9:29:29 AM
Member since:
Jan 2011
Total posts:23
What you put up with, you end up with.....

Be still. Listen to that tiny voice inside fo you, she is your greatest guide. You know that you are not deserving of someone who treats you merely as an "option". Relationships and marriage is hard, but it sounds like you are experiencing more than just the typical relationship trials. The place to begin may be asking yourself why you are at a place in your life where you are willing to accept the way you are being treated. There is a very high cost for staying in a relationship like this. The hurt you will feel by staying away and not staying involved with take courage but the pain will be far less than looking back at a life of regrets, if you just end up a shell of yourself. Be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself....and listen to that voice, it won't lead you astray. Best of luck to you!

NA

10/12/2012 9:58:44 AM
Member since:
Apr 2013
Total posts:0
leave...

You are better then what you have been getting.  
 
Tell him it is over, and leave. Let him find someone as immature as he is, and you can find someone who will want to be with you.

summergal

10/12/2012 10:22:58 AM
Member since:
May 2009
Total posts:1480
...

some thing similiar happened to me in a past relationship and the best thing I ever did was to move on and forget about him. He kept trying to get back together at various points but he had hurt me real bad and there was absolutely no trust (we were engaged too).  
 
this is NOT how a good healthy relationship works, he obviously has no respect for you. it can be hard to see now but after you move on you will be able to look back and see how much better off you are without him.

grandmaB

10/12/2012 10:32:19 AM
Member since:
Jan 2012
Total posts:266
Sorry to say but

it is time to let go, why you ask...well, my daughter was going with a guy for almost 9 years and he was the same way. They decided it would be best to get married but I knew that it would turn out to be a wrong decision as I knew he wasn't the type to commit. Needless to say they are now divorced after 3 yrs. and 1 child later!. My advise to you is...you deserve better and that you will find that someone special that will treat you and commit to you without hesitation.

snowman5

10/12/2012 10:38:39 AM
Member since:
Nov 2009
Total posts:882
You know the old saying....

"If nothing is learned, history will repeat itself". As soon he feels the pressure, he leaves. And when you get upset, you start blasting/nagging at him. I sence that neither one of you are ready for the commitment. I get the impression that this cycle will keep happening again and again. You get mad or needy, he takes off. Then both get lonely and you start all over again.  
 
My advise: End the relationship, both of you are not a good fit for each other. Learn from it and move on. If you feel the need for companionship, get a pet. Perhaps a cat? At least it will $h!t in the box and not on you.  
 
Just my opinion, I could be wrong.

TerriR

10/12/2012 10:39:47 AM
Member since:
May 2011
Total posts:84
love for all the wrong reasons.

Sounds like you love the drama of being with him.  
 
Now before the bashing and name calling starts...keep in mind, if a person puts a question like this on here, they totally open themselves up for being judged...they are asking for opinions afterall.  
 
Im just saying, his behavior, (which i do not agree with) is mostly due to reacting to the nagging and texting and name calling etc. These two are like so many others that have a love/hate relationship.  
 
Yes, i agree he should be kicked to the curb. But i also say..."she" will continue to choose these types of "men" unless she makes some changes in herself. I would encourage some serious soul searching, councelling if you can. Find out what need within yourself he fullfills, and find another way to take care of it. Ppl who are truely happy together, are happy as seperate ppl...but they choose to be together.


Page 1 of 1


  Get E-mail/text alerts for this discussion    
Bookmark and Share
This thread has gone more than 90 days without a reply and has been closed as a result. Please feel free to start a new topic should you feel it is warranted.

   

Current Discussions

 
 
 

 
 
 

Classified Ads

 
 

Blogs

 
 

Local Business Directory

 
 
Marlins vs Cloverleafs
June 4, 2005 Marlins vs Cloverleafs. Westbran Stadium. 7:00 pm start. More..
Outdoor Wedding Venue
Valley Gate is a picturesque Event Venue, 30 min. NW of Brandon, situated on the Assiniboine Valley, with breathtaking panoramic views. Wedding Ceremonies &; Tent Receptions. More..
Student Works Painting
Interior/Exterior - Residential or Commercial Painting. Call for a FREE estimate! (204)476-6499 More..