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Discussion Groups: Relationships & Dating


Topic: Plenty of Fish
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Happy_ Hour

12/4/2016 7:40:37 AM
Member since:
Mar 2009
Total posts:389
Plenty of Fish

I have heard so many people tell me that POF is horrible and is a huge waste of time. I was told it is just bunch of people looking for sex. Are my friends just being bitter, super fussy, or don't they use it properly?  
 
Then the next person I talk to says they met their partner on there. So I really don't know what to think.  
 
Opinions? experiences? I am all ears.

Tagged as: Dating,  online
TheScotsman

12/4/2016 10:23:45 AM
Member since:
Nov 2016
Total posts:101
Depends

I am on there. I paid for two months and I am exiting. Too much work. Depends on the age bracket as well. I am, ahem, older. All, and I do mean all the women in my bracket have laid out a checklist of "qualities" they want.  
 
Many even lay out a timeline of how everything will progress from initial message, to a happy marriage.  
 
Really.  
 
POF is just a tool, like all the others you are using, friends, family, work, basic networking, etc. All sources have their pluses and minuses, POF is no different.  
 
Patience is the key. Most are super fussy and do not use it properly, yes.

A Weathered Heart

12/4/2016 10:28:19 AM
Member since:
Aug 2012
Total posts:210
...

As a woman - I've found men anywhere from 18-60 (yes, 60) have sent me provocative messages even though I've clearly stated in my profile I'm not interested. And it's usually 8/10 messages are them seeking something quick n dirty.  
 
I have developed friendships and have found a relationship a time or two. There ARE good people on the site that aren't just looking for sex. But a good majority of them are just looking for simply that.  
 
Like TheScotsman said. Patience is key. Eventually, if you decide to stick it out, someone worth while will reveal themselves to you.

CaptainK

12/4/2016 10:48:30 AM
Member since:
Nov 2009
Total posts:97
My experience

I was on POF about 5 years ago now. I went on 2 or 3 dates in Brandon with nice guys that I liked but just didn't click emotionally with. I went on 2 dates with guys that were jerks, but I don't think they were using POF for shady purposes, they were just jerks lol.  
 
Also if you are using POF you have to be VERY smart about weeding out the weirdos. There are lots of them in there.  
 
I went on eharmony and found my husband right away.  
 
I think if you use a site that you have to pay for, the people on there are taking it much more seriously, so there is a better chance that whoever you are talking to has the right intentions. It's expensive, but worth it in my opinion.  
 
The number of rural people on eharmony when I used it was pretty low though.

TheScotsman

12/4/2016 10:50:11 AM
Member since:
Nov 2016
Total posts:101
Yes, 60

I resemble that remark.  
 
Before anyone starts thinking I am "in the market", I am not. I am letting my two months expire. I have someone and we are working on it. Why "working on it"? At a combined age of 120, there are a heck of a lot of moving parts.  
 
"Eventually, if you decide to stick it out, someone worth while will reveal themselves to you." Totally and absolutely 100% correct.

Happy_ Hour

12/4/2016 11:41:56 AM
Member since:
Mar 2009
Total posts:389
Hmm

I read somewhere that the term "online dating" was a poor choice of names for this type of site. It should be something like "online meeting people" because it is really not a date until you actually decide to meet up in person. It is just a means of getting in touch with people you may or may not want to date.  
 
I would feel bad if someone sent me a message and I did not message them back if they were of no interest to me. (Smoker) Do you feel bad if that happens? Or should you message everyone back regardless?  
 
Is there certain POF etiquette people should follow?

A Weathered Heart

12/4/2016 11:50:44 AM
Member since:
Aug 2012
Total posts:210
...

Personally, I find there's no certain etiquette people follow.  
 
I understand the feeling bad when someone messages and not being interested. For me, personally, in that case - even when it's a message sexual in nature - I just respond with something along the lines of "Thanks for your message, but sorry, I'm not interested."  
 
Most people don't take it too harshly and wish you good luck.  
 
EDIT: You may find some people are relentless in their messages, even after you tell them you're not interested. In this case, I just stop responding. I've let them know that I'm not interested, and said my part.  
 
Edited by A Weathered Heart, 2016-12-04 11:53:03

TheScotsman

12/4/2016 11:53:30 AM
Member since:
Nov 2016
Total posts:101
Etiquette

No barriers.  
 
I only read women's profiles. Vast majority are a check list of requirements. Don't do that.  
 
Far too many "want a man" and then state how their family is most important, their children are most important, their friends are most important, their animal is most important. Right off the bat, I am #15.  
 
Then they complain that they can't find anyone. Well! It isn't like ordering a car with the exact option combination! Sometimes you have to shop off the rack.

Farmboy74

12/4/2016 3:26:30 PM
Member since:
Apr 2013
Total posts:102
I think

I dated her about 6 years ago It felt like I was number 4 after the dog and all her other priorities , Yes I get her child was always going to be number 1 or 2 depending where she put her self .  
I met my Current girlfriend on there quite a while ago and once in a while for fun we both go on POF for a look,to see who is still on from when we met. My ex and her friend were still on last time, about 6 months ago and had been on every time before that to.  
There are quite a few more active profiles that were on 6 or more years ago, on both sides from what we see.  
 
Yeah there are a lot of players,time wasters that aren''t ready to move on in a relationship after their marriage fails, or the person they want is to smart and figures them out after a while. Or what they are looking for simply doesn''t exist,and they will never find the "right" guy or girl in a 100 years..  
 
Edited by Farmboy74, 2016-12-04 15:27:29

BRANDONGURL

12/4/2016 6:10:40 PM
Member since:
Jul 2016
Total posts:24
Pof is a joke

Most just play games  
Never wanna meet  
Don't know what they want  
Or want just one thing  
Ruins it for the women who are nice  
The ones that have been on there for years  
Still don't know what they want and never will

TheScotsman

12/4/2016 6:25:16 PM
Member since:
Nov 2016
Total posts:101
I talked to a lady on POF

It was never going to go anywhere so who cares, right? So we just started taking about, like, you know, stuff. Turns out we have some common experiences, that are just kewl.  
 
So, I tell her about ladies. She tells me about men. We laugh, we talk, right?  
 
She tells me, as a friend, because we will never be anything more, well, "stuff". I do the same and laugh it off.  
 
Today we exchanged awkward "I like you".  
 
oh-oh

ChickenKing

12/4/2016 6:53:39 PM
Member since:
Dec 2014
Total posts:9
Exactly this

I'm a guy and everyone on there doesn't seem to know what they want (or wants perfection), ever want to actually meet in person, plays games, or thinks all guys must be sex crazed deviants.  
 
Kind of sucks for guys actually looking for someone.

BRANDONGURL

12/4/2016 8:00:24 PM
Member since:
Jul 2016
Total posts:24
pof

the women who don't have a long list of requirements  
or who are normal,and not high maintenence,and who don't use  
a man for their money,never get given a chance on there.

Happy_ Hour

12/4/2016 8:16:33 PM
Member since:
Mar 2009
Total posts:389
Oh oh is right.

  
TheScotsman said "It was never going to go anywhere so who cares, right? So we just started taking about, like, you know, stuff. Turns out we have some common experiences, that are just kewl.  
 
So, I tell her about ladies. She tells me about men. We laugh, we talk, right?  
 
She tells me, as a friend, because we will never be anything more, well, "stuff". I do the same and laugh it off.  
 
Today we exchanged awkward "I like you".  
 
oh-oh "

Well that could get tricky!

Cee Jay 55

12/4/2016 11:30:32 PM
Member since:
Apr 2009
Total posts:4077
POF

I have had a profile on there since shortly after my ex left. There are SO many women still on there that seem like they shouldn't be based on their pictures and profiles - but they have lists.... just saying.  
 
I am not "active" any more. My profile has my picture on it. If someone sees me in public that has seen my profile, they will know I am available. Other than that, I don't even try any more...... too many "qualifications" that can't be met at my age. I am just over 60, I smoke medical marijuana rather than takes a bazillion pills and I have a few adult sons at home still paying rent so I can pay my bills, lol.  
 
No, I am not looking but if I meet the right person, who knows what can happen....

SuzyS

12/4/2016 11:55:24 PM
Member since:
Oct 2013
Total posts:3
B

I'm on there as well as a senior's site with no pic. Have had drinks, dinner, coffee, been stood up twice and rejected once the pic is sent TONS of times.  
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  
For The Scotsman who is my age group, you never know, we ladies are not ALL bad nor are all of the men.  
Can we believe that if it is 'meant to be' it will happen? Who knows.

TheScotsman

12/5/2016 9:11:35 AM
Member since:
Nov 2016
Total posts:101
Not what I meant

  
SuzyS said "I'm on there as well as a senior's site with no pic. Have had drinks, dinner, coffee, been stood up twice and rejected once the pic is sent TONS of times.  
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  
For The Scotsman who is my age group, you never know, we ladies are not ALL bad nor are all of the men.  
Can we believe that if it is 'meant to be' it will happen? Who knows. "

The women are not bad. Most, in my experience are fishing without a hook. Just sitting with a line in the water. They know they have no intent.  
 
Most are wanting Mr Perfect, right from the start, and are determined to be lonely otherwise. That is one heck of a wall of intimidation to be faced with.  
 
"Meant to be"? Not a chance. too many moving parts. It becomes a game of trading.

Knucklehead

12/5/2016 10:29:32 AM
Member since:
Jun 2014
Total posts:160
POF

It's not all bad. You really gotta weed through what people are on there for though. Lot's of people my age are just on there to find hook ups. Others are sincere interest. I've had a few dates off there before I met my S.O now and they're weren't terrible. It's hard to go from chatting online though to talking in person. A lot of the time I found there just wasn't a spark there in person.

farmboy007

12/16/2016 8:15:09 PM
Member since:
Sep 2014
Total posts:6
POF...ugh

POF makes me feel sorry for the future of humanity.

Happy_ Hour

12/17/2016 6:34:51 AM
Member since:
Mar 2009
Total posts:389
I am unclear

  
farmboy007 said "POF makes me feel sorry for the future of humanity. "

On what you are trying to say here. Please elaborate.

farmboy007

12/17/2016 7:25:46 AM
Member since:
Sep 2014
Total posts:6
Is this what meeting people has come to?

I used the POF "dating" website about 10 years ago and met a number of very nice woman very pleasant woman, some of which I still keep in contact with. Over the last couple years I have tried it again, every time coming out frustrated but took others advice and kept trying. I have found that the vast majority of the woman on there fall into a few categories:  
1) trolling for sex or trying to get you to spend money on adult sites  
2) appear to have no intention of ever meeting anyone  
3) have a specific check list that men must fit into, essentially are holding out for Mr perfect, as stated in a previous post by another person  
4) people that appear to have absolutely no education who can't spell or string more than two words together.  
 
Now I am not claiming to be perfect by any means but at the ages of 35 - 45 if this is the expectation of people and the education levels that people have we are doomed.

1984FadedStar

12/17/2016 7:41:20 AM
Member since:
May 2012
Total posts:695
it's not just women

Men have high expectations too. Honestly. When I was on there if you weren't a stick in most cases you got looked over, unless you were willing to get physical right away.  
 
I met 3 guys on there. First one was weeks out of a relationship but was ready to move on he said. Broke up with me, dated another girl, went back to his wife in a month. Next One lied about his name, said all his exes were crazy, then i heard a possible rumour (from his ex who has an STI) that he had the same incurable STI. I still tried. The next one after him was a controlling mess. Most of the messages I received were completely sexual in nature. I'd be scared to go on again frankly.

Daisyflower

12/17/2016 8:55:35 AM
Member since:
Aug 2012
Total posts:88
no different than the real world

POF is no different than trying to date out in the real world. All it does is bring you a bigger volume of potential people than dating the old fashioned way. But with bigger volume means you'll also get bigger volume of jerks, creeps and pervs. You just have to take it for what it is. There are people looking for just hook ups and they find each other on the site. There are also people looking for legitimate relationships. They find each other on there too. It's a mixed bag on that site. Just look for your type and weed out the ones that are not for you.  
 
I met my husband on there so the end result worked for me. I had some bad dates, some fun dates, some creepy dates, some dates that ended in great friendships and in the end the best date

Momof-one

12/17/2016 9:44:23 AM
Member since:
Mar 2011
Total posts:162
...

Met some great people in pof. Some friends some more then friends. Some moved away before getting a good chance with them. It''s a tool to finding like minded people you just need to weed through some junk.  
 
Edited by Momof-one, 2016-12-17 09:46:52

Knucklehead

12/17/2016 10:49:34 AM
Member since:
Jun 2014
Total posts:160
Dick Pics...

POF is kind of a joke. Just recently put myself back on there and so far I've had 3 dick pics, been offered pay for sex and have gotten so many messages wanting a "good time".  
 
I have met a few good people on there but mostly just a bunch of people looking for a quick dirty.  
 
I also find that people don't even bother reading profiles. I'm not interested and my profile clearly sates I'm just looking for friends in bold capital letters but that doesn't seem to get through. I'm almost done with that site!

Happy_ Hour

12/17/2016 5:10:15 PM
Member since:
Mar 2009
Total posts:389
Maybe

  
Knucklehead said "POF is kind of a joke. Just recently put myself back on there and so far I've had 3 dick pics, been offered pay for sex and have gotten so many messages wanting a "good time".  
 
I have met a few good people on there but mostly just a bunch of people looking for a quick dirty.  
 
I also find that people don't even bother reading profiles. I'm not interested and my profile clearly sates I'm just looking for friends in bold capital letters but that doesn't seem to get through. I'm almost done with that site! "

I am wrong but "I am just looking for friends" would be code for "I want a friend with benefits" would it not?

farmboy007

12/17/2016 5:27:29 PM
Member since:
Sep 2014
Total posts:6
Not necessarily

I now think that is assumed, as when I said that I was legitimately looking for a friend, and just a friend, a number of females got quite upset when I reiterated that point.

TheScotsman

12/17/2016 6:00:54 PM
Member since:
Nov 2016
Total posts:101
Very good

  
Momof-one said "Met some great people in pof. Some friends some more then friends. Some moved away before getting a good chance with them. It''s a tool to finding like minded people you just need to weed through some junk.  
 
Edited by Momof-one, 2016-12-17 09:46:52"

POF is not an end to itself, all it is, is a tool for the user to use.  
 
Use it poorly and you become petty.  
 
Use it correctly and it works marvelously.  
 
I used it and now have a woman that is beyond fantastic. We look at each other with "This is really happening?".

Kryslin0680

12/17/2016 6:06:18 PM
Member since:
Sep 2015
Total posts:25
Takes time

I've met lots of people on there including the man I am with and have been with for the last 2 years. U have to weed out the bad ones meet a few other bad one to find the right one u never know where or when u will meet someone but pof is worth the try... Just gotta be patient and not get discouraged

farmboy007

12/17/2016 6:10:46 PM
Member since:
Sep 2014
Total posts:6
Not necessarily

I now think that is assumed, as when I said that I was legitimately looking for a friend, and just a friend, a number of females got quite upset when I reiterated that point.

 
 
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