Discussions

So I just read on M.S.N. today about 10 "old-fashioned" manners kids do have today. Some of the ones that got me were calling adults by their last names, covering their mouth to cough or sneeze, setting the table, dressing up.  
So often these things are viewed (even decades ago), as the children's problem or short-coming, when always, it is the parents. Now, I'm a younger guy myself, but I don't agree one bit with any of this free-range, sugar-coated, "equality-for-all" parenting strategy of the millenials today.  
"Don't say 'Mr." or 'Mrs.', adults aren't superior, we're all equal". Get out of here. It's not about superiority levels, it's about respect. As kids, adults provide for us and build the world we will one day enter as adults ourselves. And to say that a simple 'Mr.' or 'Mrs.' is a sign that kids are less than adults and adults are the top of the food chain is immature and ridiculous. They've worked hard: they deserve it.  
And what's wrong with parents?! Teach your kids to wash their hands, and brush their teeth routinely. I've never seen so many kids at the dentist's. Cover your mouth, be polite. It's not old-fashioned. There's a huge difference between modernized equal thinking and plain classless and rude.  
As for setting a table. I got nothing. I was just floored to read that. How can a person not know. It's basically common sense. And for a parent to not teach them, it just goes to show what THEIR parents taught them for values.  
It always goes back to parents, and I'm just voicing my sorrow with the way the world is going.  
Thank-you

Some of those things you've listed isn't manners as much as a relfection of values and/or healthy habits.  
 
Covering a cough is a health issue, for example - something that goes beyond mere manners. So is brushing teeth.  
 
Calling an adult by "Mr or Mrs" is a values thing IMO - it's a way we show respect for the adults in our lives (I still call my parents' neighbours and friends "Mr & Mrs" even though I'm 40 years old!). Not that calling by the first name is inherently disrespectful, but it does differentiate peers from authority, which garners different levels of relating and respect. It's the same reason why we don't call our parents by their first names, even though there's nothing that really stops us from doing so.

The last name thing I’m 50/50 on. There are some elderly people in my life that I do not even know their first name because I’ve always referred to them as Mr or Mrs so and so. On the other hand, when I have a daycare family ask me what I want to be called by their child, I say “Sam” because I don’t want to be referred to as Ms such and such. I don’t find it disrespectful, it’s just what I prefer for myself  
 
I was just saying to my husband yesterday that I can’t believe how ALL the teens in our life are horrible at personal hygiene! I don’t ever remember going that phase. In fact, I said I think I’ve become lazier as I get older lol. When I was a teen I cared about what I looked like and smelled like hahaha

Well and that's exactly it. It certainly is a personal preference thing. Get called what you want.  
What I meant more was the assumption part of it. I got younger cousins still in school who reference to me "John", or "Jodi", and I say "Who?!". They'll say "Oh, my Math teacher", or whatever. Well, call them by 'Mr.', or 'Mrs.'. I can't imagine every teacher wants to go by their first name. Simply just don't do it from the start. Like with anyone I meet, I begin with formal, and move to more casual if told, or if the person, tone, attitude, and other factors are all right

Are 13 and 17. I get constant comments from people that they are very courteous and we'll mannered kids. What's sad is often the people are shocked to see good manners in kids of their age.  
 
My kids were taught firm handshake, repeat the person's name when you greet them, if they are introduced as Mr or Mrs, that is what you use until asked otherwise. They were taught to give their own name as well, even if I have introduced them myself and Saud their name.  
They both always hold doors (yes, my daughter as well) for people.  
 
My kids also handwrite thank you cards for any gift given. I can't believe there is such a lack of proper thank you acknowledgement niw.  
 
I was invited to a wedding a couple of years ago for a first cousin. I was unable to attend but sent a gift from the registry. I never got a thank you card or any acknowledgement they had even received the gift. Found that pretty sad.

I always find these threads interesting. I am an older fogy myself, and whenever my "social" circle always talks about how lacking the generation who is following us is, I always have to ask the simple question "who raised that generation? And why are they not the ones who are taking the responsibility for the etiquette (or lack their of) of the generation that proceeds them? It is our responsibility as 1 generation to pass on the proper value and morals to those that follow us... if the ones who follow us don't have certain characteristics, then is it their fault? Or is it ours for not instilling it properly? When a child misbehaves we don't blame the child we always look at the parents. When young adults generally misbehave, do we look at them? Or the generation that is raising them? I get we are all our own person after a certain age, however these skills, morals and values should be instilled at a young age, so that these teens are properly equipped. If they are not, I don't think we should blame them, I think it was the responsibility of those who were obligated to teach them.... that being said, 1 generation is failing to properly equip the next, then should the generation that taught that middle generation should be help responsible? We could definitely go on and on ...

Wonder if same one about etiquette and manners  
 
1: Talking in person more via technology-This is totally true. Watch school yards and kids will form circles and talk to each other via cell phone. I hate texting. I will call a person up mid text and say screw the texting don’t have time to waste. If you want to ask someone how their day is it should be done either in person or via phone call. During school sending a text to mom or dad asking to go to a friends place is totally reasonable.  
 
2: Addressing adults by their first names-I would never want my child calling an adult by their first name. It was always Mr. or Mrs. So and so. If the adult was a very close family friend we could address them as Uncle and Auntie So and So. I don’t find it immature or ridiculous. My view is it is showing respect to someone older than you. Even at my ripe old age I will still address an elder as Mr. and Mrs. If you want to treat them as equals it makes no sense as they are not equal. Kids may have a say in things like what would you like for dinner or shopping ideas. House decisions, welfare of the child, etc. are all made by and adult as so should be treated.  
 
3: Standing for introductions-Do we stand up when we meet someone new. I have always been taught and teach to stand up and greet the person.  
 
4: Sitting down for family dinner-This is a tough one due to work schedules of both parents now usually work. We always when my daughter was younger and we had 8-5 jobs we would sit down to eat without technology at the table. It gave us the chance to detach from society for a brief hour and reflect with each other how our day went or upcoming events coming up.  
 
5: Setting the table. With more and more families having to work outside the home there are a lot that don’t actually sit with everyone at the table. When was the last time a restaurant actually set the table for you. Everything is in a rolled up napkin. With our busy lives it was great if my daughter was able to toss some plates on the table and put some cutlery out.  
 
6: Asking for Permission-This one I have a tough time with as my daughter seemed it was fine to do what she wanted when she wanted. Kids know they can do what they want and all parents can do is express their feelings of how it isn’t right do just do what they want. I used to get a smack on my behind….now I get slapped and the children get away with what they want. If I said she couldn’t do something she laughed and said “What am I going to do about it….she is doing it anyway.” Just look at the disrespect in schools now. Prime example but it is always the parents that get the short end of the stick.  
 
7: Not speaking unless spoken to-It is alright to voice an opinion or concern if at the right moment. I do like the point of children are taught not to interrupt, but allowed to make conversation without monopolizing it and to have opinions.  
 
8:Dressing up-This should be brought back. I don’t know why people need to wear jeans missing 2/3rds of the fabric when going out. Sure it is a style so wear some shorts. Covers just the same amount as the jean, sometimes more.  
 
9: Being cognizant of hygiene-I have always been told to cover my mouth, as I did the same with my daughter. Only difference now is remembering not to do it with my hands. Something we always did when younger. Then the germ thing came out of how your hands now need sanitizing as you are touching everything lol. Now it is cough in an elbow, shoulder, etc. If I see hand sanitizer I will always run a hand under it to keep the germs at bay.  
 
10: Writing thank you notes and handwritten letters-Seems the only time I write letters now is to my wife. Everything has been going commercialized and people have lost respect. I have read so many Dear Abby letters about wedding gift thank you notes not coming. Bride and groom claim to not have time yet had enough time to open the gift and use or spend it. Amazing how this seems. When we got gifts for birthdays and such a phone call is made giving thanks to those that live away.

I have a different perspective. I dont really value any of those things op listed.  
 
I dont find it disrespectful to call a older person by their name so, i didnt teach my kids to use Mr and Ms, unless that is how they were introduced, i introduce myself to everyone including students of mine by my first name and expect they use it, tho i dont get offended if they call me whatever  
 
Setting the table is not how i do things at all, no value in that imo, everyone helps but i teach more then setting the table, we all chop, cook and clean together so when its ready everyone grabs what they need themselves then we sit down, no need to set anything, unlike days passed where Father[i/] sat and expected to be waited on, then when mother died he didnt have a clue how to set the table either lol  
 
dressing up is individual and rarely do circumstances warrant really fancy. I do get not looking like trash but at the same time years passed we spent a ton of money to dress up for what really? does it make me less of a person, less educated, not to have a suit? i dont think so  
 
washing themselves i do agree with but i have talked to some of my elders and all of them have said it was quite a common faze in teens. Going to the dentist is a good thing tho, more going means we are looking after our dental health better then before, not worse. Cant know you have an issue unless you get a professional in there can you?  
 
maybe im different but im not old, not young but I dont think its all sugar coating, which i dont agree with either, but raising kids differently, some of its good even tho its a change, years gone kids were to blindly listen and do what they are told, now they are allowed to have minds of their own, both good in different situations  
 
one thing i wish we would change (Im trying to) is the older generation thinking they are better then the next, each generation seems to change as we age we have to realize the changes arent all bad