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Family situation: Just need to vent!

Family situation: Just need to vent!

Secret.
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 8

Secret.
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 8

Family situation: Just need to vent!
9/2/2015 at 11:33 AM

So here's my little vent of the day.......
Just today a phone call was received by the father of my child. He is claiming he wants to go for custody of our child. Well sorry not sorry it will not be happening. I didn't wanna have to go to court and take this path but he's leaving me no choice.
A little back story. Let's just say me and my unborn child at the time were more then lucky to have made it out of that relationship alive. He's been in federal prison since before my son was born and will still be remaining there for at the least another year and a half. He fully expects to get out and be able to take custody of our child. He who has never worked an actual job his entire life the only thing he knows how to do is run around with the wrong crowd, sell drugs and be violent to not only other people but the woman who he is with at the time.
I've been completely fair with his family in seeing my son very often and regularly, I've even allowed my child to go into the federal prison setting to have contact and visits with his son because I don't want to be that "bad" mom everyone talks about by not letting the child see their father. Well needless to say that will all be changing now because of his actions. Not to mention the fact that my son will always remember being in that setting, being walked through locked doors and everything else that comes with a jail setting.
I won't let this monster raise my child. And now he will be lucky to have supervised visits.
Sorry, not sorry!
Edited by admin, 2015-09-02 11:38:35. Reason: title
Tamara79
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2102

Tamara79
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2102

......
9/2/2015 at 11:56 AM

What an unfortunate situation for your child. I get feelings are running high here but hopefully once you calm down hopefully you'll keep doing what you've been doing which is what's best for your child....keeping the father and his family a part of your childs life. By all means go and secure custody of your child, but be prepared to allow visitation. While it is highly unlikely that he will be granted custody, if he asks for visitation he will get it. By withholding your child from his father and his family because you are angry makes you look petty and probably strengthens his case for enforced court ordered visitation.
traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

:)
9/2/2015 at 11:57 AM

while i know you are venting imo you would be best to still act like the good mother you have been but also go to court while he is still in jail and secure your rights, make sure you have full custody and his behavior is on record that way he really should have no hope of being the custodial parent, its not in the child's best interest if he is like you say ...good luck
Secret.
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 8

Secret.
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 8

Thank you!
9/2/2015 at 1:01 PM

Thank you both for taking the time to respond to my post. You've both given me some good insight and yes I did make this while emotions were running high. I will be pursuing full custody but that does not mean I will keep my child from knowing his father. I grew up without mine and it's a very important issue for me. I've always said to him and his famil y that I wouldn't keep him from them and I intend to stand behind my word. I just won't be put in a situation where things can go south for my child or for myself in not having custody. He's already pass the age of 3 and I've made a very stable and more then comfortable life for him with routines schooling and other activities in place. My child is my world and what's best for him is my main priority.
Abbysmum
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4868

Abbysmum
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 4868

worry
9/2/2015 at 1:36 PM

I know what he's saying is worrying to you, but try not to worry. Get sole custody, which you have a good chance of doing, and that solves at least some of the problems.

My SIL has sole custody for various reasons, and she does allow her ex to see the kids when he's around and sufficiently stable. But she has no legal obligation to let him see them, so when he's doing questionable things she can stop visitation. They also see his family, she's been really good about that even though it can be tough for her. And even though he owes her tons in child support, she doesn't let that stop visitation.
Jaxon
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 409

Jaxon
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 409

Im not sure
9/2/2015 at 2:01 PM

but what makes him or you think he would get custody? Seems to me that no judge would give it to him as even the best of men are often turned down in favor of the mother.
Secret.
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 8

Secret.
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 8

.
9/2/2015 at 2:16 PM

I have extremely high doubts that he would be granted custody, as he's been in and out of jails since he was in his early teens and he is now approaching 29 but there's always that slight chance of possibility in the back of my mind that what if it happens. But I will do everything to have full custody just so that I have control over the situations my son will be in and if I don't feel that the environment or situation is appropriate I will have the right to say so with out a battle. As it sits right now there's no order of any sort in place
traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

:)
9/2/2015 at 5:11 PM

i would go get the appropriate order now while you have the chance but i agree he likely wouldnt get custody and is just saying such thing to either worry you or because he is selfish and wants it even tho he isnt stable

if his family is stable and will respect your wishes in regards to how and when he see the child then i see no issue in allowing them visitation

my mom had a very good relationship with my dads parents and it was great for us even tho my dad wasnt the best, so from the kids pov i think what you are already doing is the best as long as you maintain control which in this case is justified

good luck and make sure you have someone to vent to that your kid wont over hear, venting is good for your sanity as long as you dont over do it lol
Sunshine Lover
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 29

Sunshine Lover
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 29

Do Not Worry
9/3/2015 at 12:59 PM

You have nothing to worry about. Go now to a lawyer and file for full custody - a lawyer will advise you on their thoughts on whether you would or would not be able to obtain this. In either case, you will definitely be getting joint custody, with Primary decision maker. Which means, yes he's the parent and can see the child, but that you decide when, how, etc. You make ALL choices. There will/should be some kind of legal statement saying the father is allowed ___ many visits per month. the months do not carry over - if not used, too bad, so sad. Also you will be getting child support - get that in writing and have the organization who plays middle man on that involved** no matter how much the dad requests they not be involved. This leaves him legally responsible to THEM, not you. You dont play the bad guy, the law does which saves your ass everytime. Be smart about this. Look into your options and get EVERYTHING IN PAPER!* Do not back down. Keep your chin up and a smile on your face for your child. If you need to vent or breakdown do it in the privacy of the bathroom or in another location when your child is not around. I wish you the best. "God never gives you more than you cant handle". You got this. Repeat - "I've got this!"