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My family hurt me  
I need to vent and not to sure where else to express myself so here I go. It’s a poor me type of post. It was my birthday the other day and well other than getting a happy birthday from my daughter and husband first thing in the morning, I got nothing. No lets go out for dinner, how about we make you dinner, what do you feel like eating mom, gifts cake etc. I got a verbal happy birthday and everyone went on with their day and requests of things for mom/wife to do for them that day. Am I wrong to feel hurt and really unloved by my family for their lack of doing anything for my birthday? I would never hear the end of it if I treated them on their birthdays as they just treated me. Am I wrong for wanting to say screw you guys and you can see what this feels like every year? I go out a shop do a cake presents (budget for it all and make sure they have a great day as much as I have control over, to get screwed over and over looked every year. I’m just done with planning and trying to make their special occasion special for them. I’m going to save the money I would spend on them and next year just go somewhere nice by myself for my birthday and spend it with a bunch of strangers who will probably show me more excitement on my birthday(even though their attention to me will paid) than the ones who claim to love me.  
Thanks for listening to my poor me vent and yes I do know I sound petty and I do feel silly that I've let something like this get to me but year after year it just kind of gets to you and eventually brings you down. I guess this year was the year it finally got me down.  
 
 
Edited by tootrusting, 2015-07-17 12:25:02

I think they should have done something . I make sure my wife and kids get something . For my wife it might be dinner or me just giving her the day off and me just letting her relax . As for my birthdays it doesn't bug me too much . If they said happy birthday and that's all I'm ok with that . As long as they don't forget lol. Just remember you are the silent hero in the family . Mom/wives don't get enough credit and are always under appreciated. Hope you feel better and maybe have a chat with them and let them know how u feel .

My wife likes to remember everyone's birthday and make it special, plus she likes to celebrate anything, me on the other hand look at birthdays and most other days as just another day in life. I've always believed the greatest way to be disappointed in life is to have expectations of anything, in a way I would rather do special things for people when they least expect it or maybe when they really need it, but that's just me.

I'm sorry you didn't have a good birthday but I hope you do take the time and money if you can and treat yourself. You deserve it. Everyone deserves something special done for them on their birthday. Unless you e told your family before that you don't want anything done for your birthday your loved ones treatment of you on your birthday is unacceptable. Tell them how you feel then go ahead and treat yourself.

is that no one should expect anyone to pull out the stops for them on their birthday. Really its just a day. I guess im not one for attention so I prefer it to slip by without much notice, although a text is ok. So for the most part, that is how I treat others on their days. If they are offended, I don't know but it wouldn't change me either way.  
 

I would feel a bit bad too. It has happened to me throughout my life because my birthday falls squarely between Christmas and New Years so people are just busy and broke and they forget.....don't take it personally. Buy yourself a treat!  
I have always told my husband and daughter that anyone can afford a card....even if it is a message written on toilet paper.  
 
I guess the biggest message is that life as we know it has changed and it sure does get in the way sometimes. Its hectic, busy, exhausting and takes so much out of you that sometimes as bad as it is.....people just forget or run out of steam.  
 
Happy Belated Birthday!!! Wear your smile.....it shows the world how beautiful you are!

Tell it to the ones you want the attention from.

Have you read the 5 Love Languages book? I think it'd be helpful to your family. The concept is that people communicate love in 5 different ways:  
Gift Giving  
Acts of Service  
Physical Touch  
Words of Affirmation  
Quality Time  
 
The concept is that you tend to give love and receive love best in the love language you are strongest in. For some that means the giving and receiving of gifts is not just about material things, but the love that goes into choosing them and preparing them. For me, if I don't get hugs and kisses daily I feel very disconnected from my husband. However, he is a quality time and acts of service kind of guy. He'd rather just spend time with me on the couch or water my plants or wash my car to show his love, rather than plant random hugs on me just because.  
 
So one day I told him I needed more non-sexual physical intimacy from him and now I get my random hugs. I realized that you can't just expect someone to communicate love in a way they don't know to be your need. In a similar way I'd rather take him out to a movie than clean up the house, but if I was thinking about him, I'd realize that cleaning the house would show him love more than taking him out for the night.  
 
I guess what I'm saying is that you need to take a look at the different ways your family is communicating their love to you and focus on loving them the way they need to be loved. And then you need to communicate to them what you need and hope that they make the effort.  
 
And read that book. It's a game changer for any relationship.

Mela said "Have you read the 5 Love Languages book? I think it'd be helpful to your family. The concept is that people communicate love in 5 different ways:   Gift Giving   Acts of Service   Physical Touch   Words of Affirmation   Quality Time     The concept is that you tend to give love and receive love best in the love language you are strongest in. For some that means the giving and receiving of gifts is not just about material things, but the love that goes into choosing them and preparing them. For me, if I don't get hugs and kisses daily I feel very disconnected from my husband. However, he is a quality time and acts of service kind of guy. He'd rather just spend time with me on the couch or water my plants or wash my car to show his love, rather than plant random hugs on me just because.     So one day I told him I needed more non-sexual physical intimacy from him and now I get my random hugs. I realized that you can't just expect someone to communicate love in a way they don't know to be your need. In a similar way I'd rather take him out to a movie than clean up the house, but if I was thinking about him, I'd realize that cleaning the house would show him love more than taking him out for the night.     I guess what I'm saying is that you need to take a look at the different ways your family is communicating their love to you and focus on loving them the way they need to be loved. And then you need to communicate to them what you need and hope that they make the effort.     And read that book. It's a game changer for any relationship. "

That book really can be a game changer! I provided me with so much insight not only into my marital relationship, but conflict with my parents, etc.  
 
It would be worth the OP *and* their spouse read it. They have it at the library, so you can even read it for free.

If this is the first time for you....then...well...it gets worse no matter how much you squawk talk or mope about it.....In my almost 40 years as an adult (ya I am over 50)....I can count on 1 hand the number of times i have special days...most of those were with friends and not family....

Make your own plans, take the day off book a spa day or beach day. buy yourself a lunch and go on strike for the day.  
Thats what I do lol...

I hear you , and yes it totally sucks

Do the same for your hubby as was done to you. The money you usually spend on making hubby's birthday special.... save & spend it on yourself for your next birthday.

My husband passed away suddenly this year. I thought of him in a special way when my birthday came in May, as when he was able to, he would bake me an angel food cake, ice it with 7 Minute Frosting, and go collect apple blossoms off our apple tree. When we moved, he bought fake apple blossoms. Birthdays are special days - as family we need to remember our loved ones in some meaningful way on their birthdays - sometimes people are just unaware - it's up to us to let them know we are special, if they don't already know that - a cake and apple blossoms didn't cost a fortune, but it was a most loving gesture - and a wonderful memory for me.

I'm sorry, but I'll probably get slammed for the comment. But, My kids and lots of times my husband forgets my birthday, mother's day and various other "important days" of the year. My boys respect me and although they don't say it I know they love me. My husband is a hard working man who puts me and my needs first always. Therefore I'm not making a big deal over a forgotten birthday. Be thankful you have family that are around to forget your BD.

...to have an affair. That'll teach them!

I was never raised with idea that on my birthday the people around has to stop their day for me or expect gifts and have parties and all the work etc.  
I would get a happy birthday pretty much only and well at least they did not forget.  
My birthday falls in a holiday making it not that special because it is a holiday special for all.

Happy birthday! I also recommend 5 love languages, my husband and I did the quiz online, and better understand what each other needs.  
 
After a few disappointing birthdays, I've accepted that my husband isn't a mind reader and I tell him what I want. This year I reminded him "it's my birthday tomorrow and Id love a card from the kids and a cake please!" And I got it, with a few other surprises. I didn't mind that I had to tell him, I got what I wanted

I feel bad you didn't get to enjoy your special day, I know exactly how you feel it hurts, I always say if I had half the relationship with my kids as I did my mother, I'd be one happy girl! Some people are so self centred and only care about themselves, only call when they need something! Sad but true!  

rich774411 said "Tell it to the ones you want the attention from. "

If you treat them like how they treated you on your birthday before u do anything else I believe is not right, u will snowball things in a negative way. You should tell them first how they made u feel, if nothing changes then I would make less effort for them if it were me. But I thnk you definitely need to express to them how they made u feel......don't hold back!  
My family (as a kid.....still to this day) doesn't tell each other how they feel, things are a mess, but with my 'new' family( husband & kid) my husbands ability to comfortably speak his feelings has worn off over the years on me and our unit is much happier and sane than my original unit:p. Being able to tell each other how you feel about them is very important....even if it is not good sometimes.  
Ps: I would be hurt too and want to stick it to them but take the high road  
 
 
 
Edited by hatsoff, 2015-07-18 08:08:01

What would happen if you planned your own party? You plan everyone else's why not your own?

A leopard doesn't change its spots, so just accept the fact that your family isn't going to change and forcing the issue will only make you seem like a crybaby.  
Plan something just for you, even better if you have a good friend to share it with. Go to a movie, out for a nice supper, to the casino, whatever you like to do. If anyone asks where you were, just smile and tell them you were celebrating your birthday.  
Life is too short for hard feelings and blame.

Happy Birthday

When I was a child I would get upset if someone didn't throw me a birthday party and buy me presents. But now that I am an adult I don't really feel the need for parties and people going out of their way to celebrate my birthday. The fact that someone (without the help of facebook) knowing it's my birthday and wishing me a happy one is more then enough for me. I have the feeling that making a big thing of your birthdays is for little kids.  
 
I'm probably somewhere in the middle, closer to the "no attention" side. For me, it's just another day. I think I'd be hurt if my parents and a handful or people closest to me said nothing, but if others outside that circle made no acknowledgement, I wouldn't be the least bit hurt. I prefer staying out of the limelight.

I don't think she meant she wanted big parties and lavish gifts and yay me look at me sort of day....  
 
But seriously, her husband (not sure of ages of kids, so won't blame them), her husband said two words "happy birthday" and that's it??? She likely cooks and cleans and keeps the family running 364 days a year, I would hope regardless of whether he or she feels bdays are a big deal or not, that he could AT THE VERY LEAST make her a meal or buy her a meal and let her relax A BIT on her day. Wow.  
 
I am not one for big deals for bdays or any other days - but I sure as hell ensure that the person feels special and important in my life, even if it's just a Timmies coffee.  
 
It's not about the show, it's about the little things in life and that's all she's wanting!  
 
Happy belated birthday, go treat yourself, you deserve it!

My girlfriend says you should read this article.  
 
 
http://momastery.com/blog/2012/02/06/birthdays-2/

Just heard Alan Jackson's new song "Jim and Jack and Hank"  
https://youtu.be/YcINJWBXr6s and it sounds surprising like Bill Ray's old song "Achy Breaky Heart" https://youtu.be/byQIPdHMpjc. Take a listen and see what you think.

Just heard Alan Jackson's new song "Jim and Jack and Hank"  
https://youtu.be/YcINJWBXr6s and it sounds surprising like Bill Ray's old song "Achy Breaky Heart" https://youtu.be/byQIPdHMpjc. Take a listen and see what you think.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ......I don't know you and a few days late..........but I hope you have a better week now than you had on your special day.......... keep smiling

tootrusting said "My family hurt me   I need to vent and not to sure where else to express myself so here I go. It’s a poor me type of post. It was my birthday the other day and well other than getting a happy birthday from my daughter and husband first thing in the morning, I got nothing. No lets go out for dinner, how about we make you dinner, what do you feel like eating mom, gifts cake etc. I got a verbal happy birthday and everyone went on with their day and requests of things for mom/wife to do for them that day. Am I wrong to feel hurt and really unloved by my family for their lack of doing anything for my birthday? I would never hear the end of it if I treated them on their birthdays as they just treated me. Am I wrong for wanting to say screw you guys and you can see what this feels like every year? I go out a shop do a cake presents (budget for it all and make sure they have a great day as much as I have control over, to get screwed over and over looked every year. I’m just done with planning and trying to make their special occasion special for them. I’m going to save the money I would spend on them and next year just go somewhere nice by myself for my birthday and spend it with a bunch of strangers who will probably show me more excitement on my birthday(even though their attention to me will paid) than the ones who claim to love me.   Thanks for listening to my poor me vent and yes I do know I sound petty and I do feel silly that I've let something like this get to me but year after year it just kind of gets to you and eventually brings you down. I guess this year was the year it finally got me down.       Edited by tootrusting, 2015-07-17 12:25:02"

For the listening . And don't feel bad about needing to vent and for feeling the way you do. Too often people give and give and never have consideration passed back their way and it gets hurtful when it goes on for extended periods of time. Similar situation happened to me and after bottling it up inside for weeks I finally told my family why I was upset. They have realized their lack of consideration and now things are good. I hope you are able to tell your family and I hope they realize what a gem you are and treat you accordingly.