Discussions

1. A day without sunshine is like night.  
 
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.  
 
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.  
 
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.  
 
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.  
 
6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.  
 
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.  
 
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.  
 
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.  
 
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.  
 
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.  
 
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.  
 
13. OK, so what's the speed of dark?  
 
14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.  
 
15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.  
 
16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?  
 
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.  
 
18. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Please raise my hand.  
 
19. “God Bless Canada” “If you can’t be behind our troops, then feel free to get in front of them.”  
 
20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?  
 
21 Why do psychics have to ask you your name?  
 
22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'  
 
23. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.  
 
24. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.  
 
25. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.  
 
Source: attempting to assign any kind of status to this collection of ramblings purported to be from the mouth of Larry the Cable Guy poses something of a problem. All of these quotes appear in print as things Larry is supposed to have said, and they certainly are written in his style. I have reproduced them above in the hope of getting a few smiles, and hope someone will say, “that was fun.”