Discussions

So, I had my first ever boyfriend and my first ever breakup...and at the serious risk of this sounding like high school crap...how do you get over it?  
 
I know the key word will be time. Don't have many close friends, so maybe just need to say this to get it off my chest....I don't know...  
 
Thanks eBrandon

Join a gym! And work your ass off - not implying your ass is fat or anything I don't know what you look like. I'm just implying that you push yourself and work hard. The endorphins and the feeling of accomplishment is really rewarding which in time will make you forget about him. Like if your sad, do yoga to relax, if your mad - run or lift weights to release the aggression. Or you could take up a hobby like painting - doesn't have to be good or expensive (get stuff from dollar stores) it's a great release and can be really fun. It's hard that it's been so cold outside otherwise I'd suggest walks - sunlight (vitamin D) is a great mood changer even during hard times and the fresh air helps cleanse. But I would still suggest some physical activity, it's almost an instant feel good/better sensation afterwards. Stay motivated! You could even get a 2nd job maybe - more money is always a nice trade off lol. Plus you do have some free time...

To hear this has happened to you. Take a read here:  
 
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion  
 
I believe no contact will help you to slowly accept the breakup.  
 
Read some of the other threads on Loveshack too. It's sometimes good to see how others have been through this type of thing before.  
 
Hang in there. It's not easy but you will be ok eventually.

The end of a relationship is a loss. A person needs to allow themselves to grieve it. Even if lots of things weren't working in the relationship, there were still things that were working and which you will miss. I used time between relationships to grieve the good parts, and to reflect on what was really important to me in a relationship and in a partner. Also, don't be in a hurry to get into another relationship - taking time to be comfortable with your self again is important.

I agree with curlysister. You need to grieve the loss. It's a natural process and if you avoid your feelings by suppressing them you won't move past them. I believe that to grieve we usually go through phases like: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It doesn't always occur in that order and some phases may last longer than others. It's just important that we acknowledge them and allow ourselves to go through them. Otherwise, we carry the loss and grief forward with us and into future relationships.  
 
A key for me was learning that another person will never make me happy. I don't tie my happiness to anyone else, anymore. I can be happy in a relationship without being dependent on my partner to provide that happiness. I'm ok with you and I'm ok without you. It's kind of like: I love you. I want you. I don't need you.  
 
Been there. Done that. It sucks. But you'll get past it and be ok!