Discussions

I have a son who has ODD (Oppositional defiant disorder). Life with a child suffering from ODD is not an easy life, I struggle everyday and never understood how this could happen. Embarrassment became a part of my everyday life, everyone who has been a witness to just a few of my sons “tantrums” don’t understand and like to pass judgment. Yes I am aware that my Son needs to learn to control himself, that’s all I could ever say. I joined a group on Facebook of parents of ODD children, and that was an eye opener to me. Yes my son is out of control but he can’t control that, ODD is a disability! I have been working with my son for many years and he has come to control himself pretty good. He has had many problems in school with hitting which would lead him to be suspended over and over. This school year he was doing amazing!! Until one incident that lead him to hit another kid. My son is 100% wrong for putting hands on anyone! Period! I had a long conversation with my son and it was the same as always “they don’t stop bugging me when I ask them too”. We had a meeting at the school and I thought it would be a great idea to maybe let my son meet with these kids that pick on him and maybe educate them on ODD and what goes on in my sons head when he is being picked on, how he struggles day to day. Everyone forgets that not all disabilities are visible. The school was on board with the idea and it was decided that the school social worker would set it up and sit in with the kids and my son. Today I found out from the school that one parent is not willing to let their child sit in on this. I can not for the life of me understand why a parent would say no to such an eye opening opportunity. I’m sorry but education is education and why not learn about a disability that affects many people around the world. I hope this parent is reading this right now, I’m sure you know who you are. All I have to say to you is please reconsider and let your child sit in and learn about this disability that causes a lot of difficulty not only for my son but many around him. Let your son learn what his actions and words do to my son. If you don’t give him this opportunity he will continue to push every trigger my son has and things will not change from my sons side and I’m sorry he will not be too blame as he is on board with all plans set for him, like I said him and the school social worker and 100% ready to educate.

I have a teen cousin who I am positive has ODD but it’s undiagnosed. It is a very difficult disorder to deal with, especially in public! I give credit to my aunt who has always managed to remain calm when he has his outbursts in public, especially with people around them judging. To the onlookers, it just looks like a bratty child with a parent who didn’t do their job right. But as you know firsthand, it’s FAR from that!! We as family members know that once he’s hit his breaking point, there’s no turning back and no matter what you do, it just escalates the situation. We have all learned to just kinda ride it out with him until he’s calm enough to come back and have a discussion of why he can’t do that or have that or whatever the situation may be. They’ve had multiple meetings with the school and when he was younger, they’ve had police talk to him.They’ve looked into things like boot camp but it’s very, very limited in Manitoba. It is not from a lack of parenting on their end. He knows better and knows how to behave and is genuinely a good kid....but once that switch is flipped, it’s hell for everyone near him. For him, tiredness definitely brings on more of a fight so he’s limited to screen time and she tries to make sure he’s getting a solid nights sleep. He’s a teen now though so that makes it a bit more difficult but they try. He also saw (maybe still does, I haven’t asked) a therapist who helped him deal with emotions and learn to recognize when he’s going to “go off” and what he can do instead of being difficult. He’s a work in progress  
 
I think it’s a great idea to educate those who spend time around your son and I think it would be very informative so I hope this mom changes her mind. I wish you all the best and no judgements from me!!! I think you sound like a great mom who is trying your best to handle the situation that was given to you!

It’s so hard when people are so fast to pass judgment. I’ve always said it takes a village but in today’s age everyone thinks their perfect and have to much pride to think differently. This disorder is not well know but is one of the hardest for everyone around the odder. Thank you very much it helps me when I hear stories and shows me I’m not the only one.  
I also hope this parent reconsiders letting their child learn.

I wonder - was the dissenting parent invited to sit in on the session? That might make them more willing to let their child participate. While I may believe ODD is a real issue and there needs to be more awareness, if the parent in question doesn't necessarily believe it's a real thing maybe they need the education as well.

I don’t know if the school offered the parent to sit in but I think that would be a good idea.

Hi Sammy,  
 
I was wondering as I know another parent of a child who may have ODD (bad hitting, throwing, etc.). I know a parent considered having the police talk with him. Just wondering if the police chat helped your relative and/or how old was he when the talk took place?

"Today I found out from the school that one parent is not willing to let their child sit in on this. I can not for the life of me understand why a parent would say no to such an eye opening opportunity. I’m sorry but education is education and why not learn about a disability that affects many people around the world.'  
 
 
I'm sorry you and your son are dealing with this disease, it must make for some very difficult days indeed. I pulled this portion of your vent as its the part that bothered me the most as a parent that dealt with bullies for years for both my children. I'm not just talking about the children either, some of the parents were worse then the kids which is somewhat shocking.  
to me a parent that refuses this kind of education and possible wake up call on the consequences of their childs actions to yours is saddening. if the parents are unwilling to sit in on this or their children it shows to me they are ok with their children being bullies and that they both are ok with being ignorant to situations. this kind of ignorance is unacceptable in a day and age where a simple word can be a trigger.  
I would personally have an understanding with the school for the particular child that wont be involved in the education on lesser consequences for my child if the bullying continues. but that's me. I wish you the best and hope that the parent will clue in and realize bullying and allowing it is completely unacceptable on every level

He’s going to be 16 next month and I’d say the talks were probably around the age of 11/12? He’s had a couple of them and they’ve even had to call the cops during 1 of his outbursts. It scares him during it and if they mention calling the cops now, he does still get scared....but it hasn’t helped the outbursts from happening. I truly believe they can’t control themselves during their “fits” so I’m not even sure what would help?? Just this past Christmas he had a bad outburst and his parents and my husband and I discussed it again (in private) and they said they’d like their friend who is a cop to have a serious discussion with him but when he’s calm and in a good state. They really need/want him to understand that in just a couple of years he will be an adult and things will get more complicated if he continues this way. I know it’s not the responsibility of the police to parent but there’s not a lot of resources for troubled kids (that they’ve found) but then when they turn 18 and get in trouble, the police have to deal with it. It really is a difficult situation to be in, I wish your friends the best!