Discussions

On the situation. My wife and I have had drinks at home and at the camper with our child present. We have had friends/family over and everyone is drinking while the kids are playing. I see nothing wrong with it.  
 
Now if it is a case of the child being around a parent who is always drunk and it is affecting the care of that child or safety such as parent driving impaired then no.  
 
Sounds to me like the judge has found it to be a non-issue

Sometimes the system completely fails, but if the judge allows the child to be with its father then there must be lacking facts and proof. Is the drinking and driving with the kids proven or is it just an accusation? If he were given an impaired with a child in the vehicle you would think that would have to go through child and family services.  
 
Is this just a heated divorce?

If you do fear for your kids safety and there is a real concern you can always put in a complaint with CFS. At the end of the day he is still your children's father and having visitation will be extremely important to them. The rule is generally there must be one sober adult in the home. Good luck

Lookingforhelp said "Never been caught with child in vehicle.   Showed up at home drunk with child on numerous occasions.   Said if it happened again I was gone, it happened and I left.   Wish I would have phoned police on him when he arrived drunk with child. This probably wouldn’t be an issue right now if I did. "

I get what your going through I have the exact same scenario going on myself. I know my sons dad drives with him in the car when hes had a couple beers. He never functions without at least one or two and god knows what else is in his system. The courts say that he gets him half the time. He''s an alcoholic and a drug addict who doesn''t work and contributes nothing to raising his child. He leaves him with sitters when he has him, but unless I have solid proof im in the same boat as you.  
 
How old is your child, maybe he is old enough to say something about it.  
 
Im at the point myself where my son is old enough to know and he does but he doesn''t want to say much and get his dad into trouble and I don't ask him either, its not fair to him. I have no choice really but to wait it out and keep doing what I am doing and hope one day he figures it out for himself.  
 
Edited by Whoknows123, 2017-11-29 10:08:20

My daughter thinks I'm simply hilarious when intoxicated. I try to foster those thoughts of me being so incredible, so yes, in our house, it is acceptable.

By all means, be drunk around your children. After all, children learn best from their parents. This is a great way to get them started on the road to poor choices and inappropriate conduct.  
 
Make sure that when they get sent home from school or work for being under the influence that you praise them for internalizing the valuable lessons that you provided.

You're really asking about 2 different things.  
 
One whether it's socially acceptable for parents to drink around their kids, even get a bit tipsy. I think the general consensus would be "yes", as long as it didn't impair their ability to care for their child in a reasonable way, is not habitual, etc.  
 
But socially acceptable isn't the same as legally acceptable. What you're suggesting is that your ex is doing something that's possibly illegal, such as driving while intoxicated, or possibly not being able to care for your child while he's in their care. To me, I don't think it's a case of "socially acceptable" (if that's the words used by the judge), but whether legal boundaries were being breached. But, if he's getting a sitter while he's out drinking, that would be in the realm of "responsible behaviour", I would assume, as he's providing an alternate caregiver when he clearly can't be the caregiver.  
 
I'm assuming you have a lawyer, but maybe you need to get a second opinion?

Call me boring, old-fashioned or what have you- I don't care.  
My personal opinion is that having a beer or a glass of wine with supper with children around is fine.  
Having one or two drinks in the garage with friends over- fine.  
Drinking until you're drunk around your children?  
Not cool at all.  
I'm supposed to be a parent setting an example for my children. Is this really the example I want to be for them?  
Many say that "oh well-my parents got drunk around me all the time and I was fine and now I do it too" and so the chain continues...  
 
If ever I do choose to drink more than a couple, where I should not be operating a vehicle or have any responsibility on my shoulders whatsoever I always make sure that there is another capable adult around to assist with supervision or emergency situations.  
 
It never failed:  
As soon as I would get tipsy or come home from a social a bit buzzed, that would be the night my kids would have a fever or be really sick or have an asthma attack. As a grown-up we should be careful and responsible for our children and the influences we have.

Manitoba is one of the few places in Canada that allow you to bring a child into a bar. In Saskatchewan, you cannot bring a minor into a lounge or bar, that i:ncludes places like Boston Pizza’s lounge

Lookingforhelp said "Unfortunately now that I’m no longer with my child’s father I can not control the situation my child is put in.   Sometimes it makes me think I should have stayed in terr Blue marriage to keep my child safe.   There is no way to prove the ex is intoxicated around the child.   I believe my child when alcohol is mentioned and hanging out with drinking buddies is mentioned.   Not the life I want for my child.   The chances are higher the visious cycle of alcoholism may continue from the example shown by his father.   Unfortunate "

you don't want to be stuck in an aweful marriage like that, your kid will thank you.  
 
I am in the exact same situation as you. Its frustrating because all you want is the best for your child. In the end being on your own with him is the best. My son is a couple years older than yours and is starting to see it.  
 
We drove by a beer store the other night and he got mad and said I hope were not stopping in there cause dad always does and I hate it! a year ago dad was his hero... I get what your saying here and its infuriating. Cause all you really can do is hope for the best.

The hardest thing is likely giving up control of the situation but you might just have to do that. At least for now until a judge changes their mind.  
 
But if you can do this.  
You are stronger than you realize  
You are better than you realize  
You will get through this  
 
So for now just be the best darn mom and mentor you can be.  
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself either -just do what you can and it's OK if you mess up once in a while. nobody has to be perfect. at least you're trying.  
 
Provide a stable and loving home for your child where ever home may be. it doesn't matter- as long as you make it happy and stable, full of support, learning, nutrition and above all: stable love.  
 
Eventually your child will learn that you're giving the best you can.  
Your child will see all the good things that you do and the good things their father does too and sadly the child will also see that the drinking is not a good thing.  
 
It might not be a bad idea to talk to a counsellor or even give alcoholics anonymous a call as they will likely have a whole bunch of tools and resources that will help you along your journey  
It's likely good to start a journal -go back and check all your text messages Facebook posts and start writing everything down: time date what was said and what was done.  
 
Document every time something out of the ordinary occurs or when you suspect the alcohol abuse and or drunk driving.  
You can also call the police if you suspect drunk driving but that's up to you.  
 
This is a very difficult time for you I'm sure and I wish you well.  
it's going to be OK  
Surround yourself with caring supportive people, and before you know it all this will be behind you and you'll be so strong for getting through it.

gearhead52 said "The hardest thing is likely giving up control of the situation but you might just have to do that. At least for now until a judge changes their mind.     But if you can do this.   You are stronger than you realize   You are better than you realize   You will get through this     So for now just be the best darn mom and mentor you can be.   I wouldn't be too hard on yourself either -just do what you can and it's OK if you mess up once in a while. nobody has to be perfect. at least you're trying.     Provide a stable and loving home for your child where ever home may be. it doesn't matter- as long as you make it happy and stable, full of support, learning, nutrition and above all: stable love.     Eventually your child will learn that you're giving the best you can.   Your child will see all the good things that you do and the good things their father does too and sadly the child will also see that the drinking is not a good thing.     It might not be a bad idea to talk to a counsellor or even give alcoholics anonymous a call as they will likely have a whole bunch of tools and resources that will help you along your journey   It's likely good to start a journal -go back and check all your text messages Facebook posts and start writing everything down: time date what was said and what was done.     Document every time something out of the ordinary occurs or when you suspect the alcohol abuse and or drunk driving.   You can also call the police if you suspect drunk driving but that's up to you.     This is a very difficult time for you I'm sure and I wish you well.   it's going to be OK   Surround yourself with caring supportive people, and before you know it all this will be behind you and you'll be so strong for getting through it. "

Exactally this

Children learn by observing.  
-Albert Bandura  
 
Bandura is a psychologist who theorized that children by observing. In 1977 he made this observation.  
 
If your a sober parent who forbids drinking alcohol your children may be exposed in a setting that they don't know about responsible drinking.

So to the open you married someone who's friends were drunks and most likely was also a drunk. You chose to have a child with a drunk. Now you are mad at drunk and think it would be nice to keep said drunks child from them. Yes you are a bad mom. Children need both parents. If you did not want to raise a child with a drunk you should not of had a child with a drunk. Until people make better life choices bad stuff will continue.how is denying your child access to their other parent going to make your child's life better? Or is it going to just make life better for you

Having a couple/few drinks, but not driving, not becoming verbally or physically abusive, not passing out, not drinking while pregnant, etc can teach kids how to drink responsibly. Or is the parent's behavior likely to be a bad example or cause stress in the child? I think that it totally depends on how drunk the parent is. Someone can be legally too drunk to drive but still be in good behavior.

tafeel said "So to the open you married someone who's friends were drunks and most likely was also a drunk. You chose to have a child with a drunk. Now you are mad at drunk and think it would be nice to keep said drunks child from them. Yes you are a bad mom. Children need both parents. If you did not want to raise a child with a drunk you should not of had a child with a drunk. Until people make better life choices bad stuff will continue.how is denying your child access to their other parent going to make your child's life better? Or is it going to just make life better for you "

You know the story do you?  
You have no idea what some people have to go through in life. Its not all cut and dry like you make it out to be. I hope to god you are not a parent yourself. Compassion is something you should also teach you children. So what you are saying here is anyone who is going through a separation or divorce are awful parents? I'm glad you can be so judgmental without any facts. You must go to church every sundays too.  
 
If the child is not safe with the father it would make there life better to have supervised visits. NOT ONCE did the OP say anything about wanting to rip the child away from the father. She suggested supervised visits.  
 
Maybe you do have kids, maybe your one of those parents who lost there visitation rights by the sounds of it, you seem bitter and miserable with your own life. Your projecting.

New Zealand did a series of anti-drinking ads that features this subject:  
 
 
 
 
I believe a few drinks is fine. But if you're the adult and intoxicated and have to care for the child present? That's irresponsible parenting.  
 
Also, like others have stated, children learn through observation. If their guardian is getting drunk around them often enough that is definitely going to have an affect on them as they grow. I hope Lookingforhelp can find other resources or family support to help get their child out of what is sounding like a troublesome situation.

Whoknows123 said "    tafeel said "So to the open you married someone who's friends were drunks and most likely was also a drunk. You chose to have a child with a drunk. Now you are mad at drunk and think it would be nice to keep said drunks child from them. Yes you are a bad mom. Children need both parents. If you did not want to raise a child with a drunk you should not of had a child with a drunk. Until people make better life choices bad stuff will continue.how is denying your child access to their other parent going to make your child's life better? Or is it going to just make life better for you " You know the story do you?   You have no idea what some people have to go through in life. Its not all cut and dry like you make it out to be. I hope to god you are not a parent yourself. Compassion is something you should also teach you children. So what you are saying here is anyone who is going through a separation or divorce are awful parents? I'm glad you can be so judgmental without any facts. You must go to church every sundays too.     If the child is not safe with the father it would make there life better to have supervised visits. NOT ONCE did the OP say anything about wanting to rip the child away from the father. She suggested supervised visits.     Maybe you do have kids, maybe your one of those parents who lost there visitation rights by the sounds of it, you seem bitter and miserable with your own life. Your projecting. "

How dare I. Well from the des:cription given the courts told the op as much. Now they are on here looking to justify whatever they do even though they have been told it is not their right or in the best in intrest of the child. The time to make the choice not to have a child with someone is before you have sex not after the child is born

tafeel said "    Whoknows123 said "    tafeel said "So to the open you married someone who's friends were drunks and most likely was also a drunk. You chose to have a child with a drunk. Now you are mad at drunk and think it would be nice to keep said drunks child from them. Yes you are a bad mom. Children need both parents. If you did not want to raise a child with a drunk you should not of had a child with a drunk. Until people make better life choices bad stuff will continue.how is denying your child access to their other parent going to make your child's life better? Or is it going to just make life better for you " You know the story do you?   You have no idea what some people have to go through in life. Its not all cut and dry like you make it out to be. I hope to god you are not a parent yourself. Compassion is something you should also teach you children. So what you are saying here is anyone who is going through a separation or divorce are awful parents? I'm glad you can be so judgmental without any facts. You must go to church every sundays too.     If the child is not safe with the father it would make there life better to have supervised visits. NOT ONCE did the OP say anything about wanting to rip the child away from the father. She suggested supervised visits.     Maybe you do have kids, maybe your one of those parents who lost there visitation rights by the sounds of it, you seem bitter and miserable with your own life. Your projecting. " How dare I. Well from the des:cription given the courts told the op as much. Now they are on here looking to justify whatever they do even though they have been told it is not their right or in the best in intrest of the child. The time to make the choice not to have a child with someone is before you have sex not after the child is born "

Like you have a lot of hate in your heart... To sit there and call someone a terrible mother when you have no idea of the situation is more of a reflection on you than it is on the mother.  
 
The kid is 7 years old, do you know how many things can change in 8-9 years??? Maybe the kids dad didn't drink at all when the child was born. Do you know? No you don't! All you can contribute is name calling!  
 
Don't fall off your highhorse, there may not be anyone there to catch you!

Because all new achohalics have a circle of friends that only consist of alcoholics. Seems to me the bitter ones name calling are you and the op trying to justify your hatred of your ex spouses and you don't care if the children are damaged as a result. Grow up. Take responsibility for your mistakes and make the best of the bad situations you have put yourselves in and the children you have chose to put into those situations.

that's cute. You think you know everything.

We both have a drink or two but never get drunk with the kids around. If friends are over for a shindig, one of us usually stays sober for a DD if needed, and kids are at the grandparents.

I don't imagine there are a lot of positive lessons children can learn in this environment. Unless maintaining responsible drinking habits are considered a positive lesson.  
If its any comfort to you, I often got drunk with my children around. I'm sure I was an idiot many times and my children remember that. My wife was the better example. My children are now adults and barely ever consume alcohol in excess. but my wife on the other hand drinks like a fricken sailor now. kidding hunny if you read this.

Having to many around anyone that can not take care of them self’s is wrong as far as I’m concerned. Young children could be put in a scary situation. You need to be there incase they need you, isn’t that what parenting is ? Your not there when your not in your right mind.

As a parent you have a responsibility for the safety of your children, even according to CFS. The trouble is however, you also have to refrain from UNDULY restraining access of the other parent. Its a heavy responsibility to decide if the safety risk outweighs the benefit of the time together. Good luck. Those who are judgemental or say you should just allow whatever are idiots. If someone is endangering your kids, even their dad, you have a responsibility to do your best to make a safety plan and to let CFS know that you have concerns.

everyones going to have their own opinions on this matter. others get judged for this & others dont. of course being super wasted around children is unacceptable. i grew up in a household where the drinking was unacceptable, so in return i dont drink like that in front of my children. i might have a beer or 2 but thats it. kids are sponges and see what u do around them and will absord things u dont think they will. u just have to be responsible about it.