Discussions

Micro- Aggression is quite prevalent our City. How we talked to people is very important, whether in the work place, market place, business centre, customer service, social gatherings. I encourage you to speak and deal with people the same way you expect them to deal with you. Treat and talk to people with respect, love, compassion, patience, tolerance, care and kindness, etc. Life is hard enough, so  
What's your experience with this and how did you handle it? Please share your experiences, so we can all learn.

I have only encountered it on eBrandon not in person. Where and who are you hanging out with Will?

I'm not from a minority group of any kind (which is where microaggressions seem to be directed), but I did work with the public for many years, including some pretty contentious/conflict driven stuff. This was also back in the day when I worked in an inclusive workplace, at a time when not everything was as inclusive it is now. So I saw a lot directed at co-workers even when I didn't directly experience it.  
 
We didn't have a word for this type of behaviour back in those days. The reflecting mirror that is social media has amplified it in the years since I was really immersed in that world.  
 
One thing I learned over the years is that while attacks are sometimes to your person, they are rarely personal. These people don't know you, and they are acting out of their own interior thoughts and feelings, their own biases and beliefs, their own sense of entitlement and righteousness. You are just the bystander. Realizing that helps you disassociate from their words and actions, and keeps it more neutral.  
 
My mom taught me two important lessons growing up: 1. a person's name is the only thing they truly own, so you better make sure you get people's name right; and 2. the only person's reactions you can control are your own. I can't control them. All I can do is control myself.  
 
My experience has been that microaggressions are usually seated in an interior turmoil - they are fearful, frustrated, or feel persecuted. It doesn't matter if we deem those turmoils right or just or even accurate - it's their lived experience. You just happen to be the convenient target or outlet for those inner feelings and thoughts. Realizing that helped me recontextualize what was happening and to separate myself from the emotion of the moment.  
 
At the end of the day, using techniques that are commonly taught as "soft skills" for public workers would be useful when dealing with microaggressions in all walks of life. Sometimes ignoring the words or behaviour is the best option. If you need to continue the interaction, focus on the message behind what they are saying and discard the rest.  
 
Sometimes repeating what they say back to them lets them hear how ridiculous they sounds. "So, what I am hearing is that all Indigenous people are drug addicts? Is that what you mean, or did you mean something else?" There's a shock value to someone else repeating what you said.  
 
Sometimes just asking them to repeat themselves makes them think twice. Saying something ridiculous off-the-cuff or in the heat of the moment is different than forcing them to repeat it. That processing time is all some people need to reconsider what they said.  
 
In the end, it's not easy. I sympathize with anyone who deals with this day in, and day out. Our behaviour has only gotten more abhorrent since the pandemic. It costs nothing to be nice, keep learning about others so you can keep your own biases in check, and when you mess up, say sorry.

Years ago I lost a family member and it was quite tragic and emotional. I was trying desperately to get affairs in order and was waiting for the coroner's office to finish the report to submit to the insurance companies. It was causing quite a bit of financial pressure on my end and I called the office and when the receptionist told me that the coroner hadn't finished yet (it had been weeks) I lost it on her. I slammed down ythe phone (yup...long enough ago that we had real phones) and left my office in tears. After a good nights' sleep, I was horrified with how I spoke to the woman who was only trying to relay information to me. I called back to their office to apologize and was told that she was on a scheduled day off. I told the woman that answered what had happened and how I really needed to apologize to her. She assured me that this was nothing that they were not "used to" and that she would relay my information.  
 
It made me think really hard about how I treat people, especially those on the front line, because they have zero control over anything that happens, regardless of the business.  
 
Recently, I had an appointment with a new physician and when I arrived for my 830 appointment, the receptionist apologized and told me that the doctor would not be in due to a family emergency. She looked almost terrified of having to tell me this. I smiled and told her it was no problem and I was happy to reschedule. She rebooked me and I told her that I hope she has a good day but knowing that she was going to have to cancel a number of appointments, I'll bet she got s$*! on at least once.

As an adage goes: remember that the people you step over on the way up are the same ones whose butts you kiss on your way down

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts with us. Much appreciated