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Regarding my son: help please :)

Regarding my son: help please :)

Enough said...
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 394

Enough said...
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 394

Regarding my son: help please :)
9/1/2015 at 2:20 PM

So here is the scoop. I am concerned and need some nice educated people to help me with my concern. It is a big deal for me and I would appreciate some educated non offensive supportive/advice on what is my next step. I don’t want to write a huge story but I’ll give you the gist of my frustration and confusion.
It has been a battle with my son for a very long time. He is nine now, and I noticed a change in him since he was a wee little one. He has been through CATC, meds of different sorts, programs, and is a sponsored child to get all the help/support in his education. Still I cannot seem to find something that will help him. I love him to death, but I am at my breaking point. Through tons of parenting programs, discipline courses and ADHD courses and further assessments done to my child I had no other choice but to ask for help and lean to his father. His father has been doing wonderful with him, but when with me his violence still comes out. He has no respect for me nor his extended family on my side. Recently he killed his sisters pet, pretty horribly, while he was sitting with it on the couch. Yes he was un-attended at the time but only for a short amount of time. He has not shown that kind of violence since he was three. My heart is tearing apart inside cause there is no way he will ever listen to his mother, nor his sister. I have no more answers. My cousin is a doctor in psychology and she says he needs extensive examining. But in order to get him the help he needs she says I am looking at $200 a session for at least 10 sessions if not more. His violence from hitting me, punching me, pushing me and kicking me to now killing things is worrying me to the point I am scared for him to be at home and he is only 9 years old.

A little insight, he does have a great heart and a lot of love. They ruled out bi-polar, and schizophrenia however no one really sees the damage he does other than a certain amount of teachers, me and his sister. While at school he cannot play with the other children unattended and hardly sits in his class with his classmates due to his hyper level, unsettledness, and aggression when his way is not met. I am worried that he is going to grow up into a silent monster. I am not a bad person and neither his sister and it is breaking our hearts every day. How does one get tested for physio path (sorry harsh), but how? Sometimes the truth is hard to say especially when it comes to your own child. But I don’t want to be reading about him in the paper one day. I am terrified. Can one have a bad seed?, and that’s it? There is no answer.
I am looking for community support, please help. He now is Winnipeg and he is reregistered in the MATC program and getting him into some cancelling.
** please if you have nothing nice to say, I really don’t need to hear it at this time. I need friends not foes.**

Thank you for ready &lt:3
Edited by admin, 2015-09-02 11:39:23. Reason: title
crunchy1885
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 821

crunchy1885
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 821

.
9/1/2015 at 2:40 PM

do you have benefits through work that may cover some sessions of therapy? sounds as though he really needs it and it's a shame that it costs $200 per session. we are hearing more and more about adults who are dangerous to society due to undiagnosed or untreated mental illness and this may be the path he is on (especially after killing a pet...). it would be much worse if he did something more violent as he gets older and something (or someone) gets seriously hurt just because therapy was not available to him as a child. please look into your benefits and see if there is anything they can do to help your family.
Enough said...
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 394

Enough said...
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 394

Thank you Jay
9/1/2015 at 2:42 PM

I am in the process of doing so.

I want the best for him, but everything I do seems to be failing him.

so clueless.
BrandonBoy8880
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 25

BrandonBoy8880
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 25

Unfortunate
9/1/2015 at 2:45 PM

This is unfortunate to hear. This is a topic that doesn't come up nearly enough on these discussion pages. Let's face it no one has thousands of dollars to spend on tests that "might" find results to this behavior. The fact that your son is violent and murdering pets ensures that there is anger and frustration brewing within him. Some cheaper alternatives that may help relieve the aggression:
Since he has trouble with other kids in schools combat sports (hockey, soccer, etc.) with teams probably isn't the best option. Maybe there is a sport he can take out some aggression such as karate or kick boxing that is not too expensive and gives him some social interaction?
Another option and I know this has personally helped myself relieve frustration. Give him something to punch! I would punch the wall but those blow up toys would be ideal with no repair work, and he can be violent towards that punching and kicking his energy away.
Don't consider him a bad seed! You just haven't found the right technique to tackle his aggression. My heart goes out to your daughter and her pet, i'm sorry for her loss as that would be a horrid experience for any pet lover! Best wishes moving forward to you and your family!
DarrenFriessen
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 103

DarrenFriessen
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 103

curious
9/1/2015 at 2:46 PM

Do you attend a Church that may be able to help with the costs of the counselling ? If not have you thought of going to a church and see if they could help in some way?
Enough said...
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 394

Enough said...
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 394

thank you
9/1/2015 at 3:41 PM

he was in a form of karate but that fell through with his failure to listen. He loved soccer but I was too late to register him in this year so he went into swimming lessons.
I have never went the church route, as it is hard to find a church who is not biased. Church is a very clicky place. from what I have discovered.

thank you
traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

:)
9/1/2015 at 4:52 PM

you have gone through all the resources available to you as far as you know? if you havent keep pursuing more, ask any drs, counselors, Elisabeth Reid center ect, what else you can do

what did CATC say, i know for many they are a great help

can you get MB sponsored physiological assessments done, or do you have insurance, payment plan maybe, it sounds like he needs it

im not sure what the MATC program is like but should you play that out and see if it helps, while you research your next step if it doesn't

im not sure what other help i can give you but keep at it, hopefully you do find something that works
PT1001
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 779

PT1001
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 779

Killing a family pet
9/1/2015 at 5:15 PM

OP said "Recently he killed his sisters pet, pretty horribly, while he was sitting with it on the couch. Yes he was un-attended at the time but only for a short amount of time. He has not shown that kind of violence since he was three."

This sickens me. This child needs help. This is not normal behavior. I hope others can chime in to get this child the help he needs.

mitibimaab
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 358

mitibimaab

Joined: Jun 2006

Posts: 358

...

9/1/2015 at 6:37 PM

Kellye said "OP said "Recently he killed his sisters pet, pretty horribly, while he was sitting with it on the couch. Yes he was un-attended at the time but only for a short amount of time. He has not shown that kind of violence since he was three."

This sickens me. This child needs help. This is not normal behavior. I hope others can chime in to get this child the help he needs. "

I agree, this is actually quite frightening. The lack of empathy is scary and you say he showed this type of violence previously?

Ter
Joined: This month
Posts: 195

Ter
Joined: This month
Posts: 195

My advice
9/1/2015 at 6:52 PM

I have no experience with a situation such as this but no matter how discouraged you get, don"t give up trying to find him help. Your life sounds like a nightmare you can't wake up from. How stressful to love and having to deal with such a young child having such serious issues. It sounds like you're a great Mom doing everything you can. Some of your future choices may be difficult but I'm sure you'll choose what's best for your son and family. Remember to take care of yourself too and good luck. You're your son's best advocate so keep pushing to get him professional help. Hopefully this place in Winnipeg will realize this and can also provide some financial solutions so he can get the help he needs.
Hey!
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 284

Hey!
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 284

.
9/1/2015 at 7:53 PM

You said he's doing wonderful with his father. The answer is to build on that somehow.
sharon kucher
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1510

sharon kucher
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1510

try
9/1/2015 at 8:03 PM

perhaps try 7th street access!

also try the metal health unit in the town center.

These two places may have some info/help for you and your family!
Bdnchick
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 52

Bdnchick
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 52

Social worker
9/1/2015 at 8:25 PM

I know that CATC has a social worker. Part of their job is assisting people with these kind of circumstances. I would phone and ask to speak with the social worker. Explain that you cannot afford the $200 sessions. Maybe she will be able to assist you to some funding you may be eligible for or give you other options or avenues.
Juliaetal
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 108

Juliaetal
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 108

Hang in there
9/1/2015 at 8:31 PM

Have you heard of Red Ladder? It is in Winnipeg in the upper floors of the Clarion hotel off Portage. They are much much better at diagnosing and treating children then the CATC here in Brandon.

I have a lot more I would like to ask you and share with you of my own personal experiences however I am not comfortable to do this on this message board. Please feel free to PM me and we can chat more about this. There are options and i have seen it and experienced it all first hand.

Take care
Juliaetal
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 108

Juliaetal
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 108

Hang in there
9/1/2015 at 8:33 PM

Have you heard of Red Ladder? It is in Winnipeg in the upper floors of the Clarion hotel off Portage. They are much much better at diagnosing and treating children then the CATC here in Brandon.

I have a lot more I would like to ask you and share with you of my own personal experiences however I am not comfortable to do this on this message board. Please feel free to PM me and we can chat more about this. There are options and i have seen it and experienced it all first hand.

Take care
S06
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 4

S06
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 4

I
9/1/2015 at 8:38 PM

Sent you a private message
Mist
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2007

Mist
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2007

Advice
9/1/2015 at 9:39 PM

My sons situation is different but contact a Child Mental Health Worker, there should be one through CATC or yours school, get them to set up a psych evaluation through Mental Health with a Psychiatrist, that is what we did, it was free.
They will assess him and hopefully diagnose him with something, you can then get the Child Disability credit forms which the Psychiatrist fills out and if approved you will get funding to help with any further needed things..
As I said our situation is different but my son has had many issues and we also found a lot of help through a Naturopath (pm me for the name) it does cost money, if you have insurance the appointments should be covered but not the supplements, but through cutting out foods that he was sensitive to and using some supplements, it made a world of difference for him. That is just an idea, but I do swear it helped us a lot.
Good luck to you all.
annie88kbar
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 11

annie88kbar
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 11

Messaged
9/1/2015 at 10:24 PM

I private messaged you!!
Enough said...
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 394

Enough said...
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 394

thank you
9/2/2015 at 9:40 AM

I want to thank you all for all your support! I am going to look into different options people have gave me.
Every Avenue in Brandon has been looked into. I went to CFS my self for help also. They were great to help us out. but this was years ago. We have been to CATC, 7th street. etc. this is why he is in Winnipeg so we can discover a possible solution to our frustrations.

once again, thank you all. your words have been most helpful.
GR
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3

GR
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 3

..
9/2/2015 at 11:02 AM

Dear awesome mom, I feel for you. We have been involved with a lot of families who have a child like yours. Don't blame yourself! His symptoms/actions sound very much like Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Something that is not recognized or diagnosed in Canada. If there are professionals to diagnose this here then super! Here is a website to look up if you are interested. attachment.org Nancy Thomas (we know her personally) is a fantastic person who has worked with 'troubled' children for years! I can't say enough good about her. ...I don't know how this private messaging works but I would gladly talk to you if you would like. PM me if you are interested. Stay strong!
mightyquinn2
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 96

mightyquinn2
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 96

just curious
9/2/2015 at 12:59 PM

How long have you and your husband been apart? And what's your relationship like with him? Because your son obviously has issues (disrespect) with women.
Puffwad
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1265

Puffwad
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 1265

-.-
9/2/2015 at 1:16 PM

The fact that your son used his sisters pet as a vehicle for emotional abuse suggests to me that this is not a situation you can deal with yourself.

You should self-refer again to CFS as the behavior has obviously got worse. They will connect your son with the appropriate resources.