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I have a good friend who's child has stolen a fairly significant amount of money from his parents (a tad over $100). This child is only 9 years old and also has ADHD. This is the second d time in two weeks he's done this. The first time he hid the money in the house and this time he gave it to some of the neighbourhood kids to "hold on to" for him. His father was handed back $30 from one child who said he was asked to hold it. My friend is at her whitts end with him. I said she should maybe call BPS and have an officer come and talk to him, or maybe take him down to the police station and let him sit in a cell for a while to see where he's gonna end up. Does anyone else have any other ideas for this poor mom? Before she sends this poor child to live with his dad, witch would not be a good idea.

A 9 year old with ADHD will not learn anything from having a police officer talk to him or throwing him in a jail cell just so he can see what it would be like. It may be initially scary for him, but it would not hold any lasting effect, because those types of punishments cannot be followed through with a 9 year old.  
 
A child with ADHD may simply not understand why stealing the money is wrong. He may know it is a "bad" thing to do, but it needs to be explained to him in a way that would make him understand why it is so wrong. As for punishment, it has to be something that will be meaningful to him, and something that can be followed through on by both parents. It has to be a punishment that fits his developmental age as well. If he does not have the typical developmental understanding of a 9 year old, the punishment needs to fit that.

He may not understand the value of $100 dollars either. His parents may need to actually take him out somewhere like the grocery store, and show him exactly what $100 dollars can do, and show him that if he takes that from them, then they may not be able to buy things that they actually need for him.  
 
They should also ask him why he needs the money? And he is at an age where he could earn money if he is wanting it to buy something for himself. There are lots of ways thy could get him to earn it.

I don't know what the answer is, except to talk to a family doctor. He may need some help from someone in the psychology world.  
 
What I do know is that going to the police isn't the answer. Please don't encourage taking this child to "jail" to see what it's like. A child at that age can be extremely impressionable. If he is ever in trouble and needs HELP from the police, he will likely not ask, as he will associate police with him going to jail.  
 

Mom could lock her cash somewhere safe?

Has opted to make him work off his remaining debt. She recovered all except for about $40. She has also grounded him to the house and yard for a while. I am also happy with her decision, as I also had some concerns about my own advice to her about the police/jail cell, that may work better on an older teenager. Thank you for all your advice!

Before calling the police consider what will help the child most. MY son has ADHD among other issues. He has been to the morning program there, the day program and on the unit twice. The support there is unbelievable. Counselors, nurses, drs. We want children to learn from their mistakes and get the help they need to become contributing adults of society.  
 
If you want any more information, just pm me and I can tell you lots of stories.  
 
children with ADHD learn differently and if we intervene early enough we can save them from getting into bigger adult type trouble.

Sashaa said "Has opted to make him work off his remaining debt. She recovered all except for about $40. She has also grounded him to the house and yard for a while. I am also happy with her decision, as I also had some concerns about my own advice to her about the police/jail cell, that may work better on an older teenager. Thank you for all your advice! "

The police want parents to encourage their children to turn to the police if they need help, rather than using the threat of cops or prison as a way to scare kids into good behavior.

My son also has adhd and is 9.  
A couple years ago he was also doing exact same thing. Stealing not just small things. As a parent, it's worrisome! I've been there! Sometimes nothing works when your child has adhd.  
 
I ended up taking him down to the police station after he stole. I explained to the girl behind the desk about the situation and she said to take a seat and someone would be with us.  
We waited about 15 minutes. During this time, I explained that a police man was going to be taking him to jail. That's what they do when you commit a crime.  
The cop called us in and explained what happens when you steal and had a chat and then he said he wasn't going to arrest him this time, but don't do it again. He was super nice about it and talked about other things too.  
 
After we left, my son told me that he was so scared while waiting that 15 minutes.  
 
And he hasn't stolen since. He actually brings me any money he happens to findo laying around the house.  
 
I get that cops want kids to view cops as those you turn to for help, but my son is still smart enough to understand that and if you commit a crime, this is what happens. Sometimes when you're at your wit's end, you have to try other things.  
 
 
 
 

impulsivity is an issue associated with ADHD and unfortunately I've only recently learned that constantly getting mad at a kid with ADHD for things that are beyond their control can lead to Oppositional Defiance Disorder. This disorder is just as hard on the kids affected as it is on the adults involved.  
The best way to help the kid and the family is align them with CATC. The doctors are so well informed about med options and treatments. We have had great gains. There are still issues; however, proper medication can make all the difference in the world with a kid who seems out of control because of ADHD.

I also have a son which is ADHD, 9 years old, and has an aggressive disorder. He had been caught stealing and I did not know what to do. Thinking back to those who do not have a high ADHD child you have to go full force on ADHD children. They do not learn the same as a regular child. Consider the same disability in a child who has fetal alcohol syndrome *FAS. It is different, without putting a fear into the child, they will continue and learn on a sneaker level. Trust me, I know all too well. I have put my son in the CATC program here and in Winnipeg. He is doing a lot better now. I find with these children you have to be constantly on top of them and their every move, if you are not problems will happen. I have tried punishing, disciplining, talking to him about consequence nothing goes through. So my new tacked, was programs, get your child, if he has high ADHD, in as much programs as possible. Schedules and less freedom. My sons father, even though we are separated did a miracle for our son. I could not extend my graduate more to him as I do now. Friends are important, this I know. But most the times neighbourhood friends are the worst, as you think they are playing nice together because they are out and about, an ADHD child gets bullied by the smarter children. An ADHD child wants to fit in more than anything, they know the're different. I found my son in a dumpster and his stuff was stolen, I asked him why he was in there. The kids said it is cool and that is what you have to do to fit in. It was devastating. Children would bully him into stealing, I have even asked. My son was always the one parents pointed fingers at (he was never invited to birthday party's or nothing with other kids). So before you blame your ADHD child that it was all his idea stealing look at who he is hanging out with. The story maybe bigger then you think. Kids are mean, but if parents don’t all work together and favor there child before knowing the whole story. Your lil guy will always have a hard time and never fit in. Brandon is very hard and judgemental when it comes towards ‘differences’, this is a hard society when it comes to ‘class’. I know cause my son is doing 100 times better now that he is out of here. His new friends parents work with him, not against him, he has been involved in birthday parties and playdates, something brandon parents never did. so sad. 'sorry a little bit of a rant'  
Sorry but is true.  

What did they call ADHD back in the 70's and 80's? Oh wait they didn't have it back then did they? But now let's label the child with some kind of acronym to boost sales of pharmaceuticals and excuses as to why a kid is bad. It just erks me when parents lose site of parenting and immediately blame it on some made up psychological ddiagnosis.and then when they are at there witts end they call in the self esteem cavalry...because heaven forbid our children should be shamed or humiliated. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves...I said my piece. Have a nice day. :-)

Solution is to put him to work! Make him earn the money he took, cut grass, scrub floors, clean the bathroom. Use this to make him understand the value of the money he took and do not let him off easy. And at the end of the day, the work is the lesson, the punishment is doing the work with no reward. Worked with my kid when he decided to purchase a game on the xbox without asking.

I don't know about all of you... but if I was caught stealing my parents would work my ass until I "earned" every penny of the money back that I stole regardless of who I stole it from.  
 
This child may not understand the value of the money that he stole but I guarantee you that if he/she had to weed neighbors gardens, paint sheds, clean barns or whatever dirty jobs that their parents could come up with they certainly would figure it out pretty quick and would think twice before doing it again. I realize that individuals who live in the city have a much harder time coming up with "dirty" jobs that require actual hard work compared to people in the country but I highly doubt that the elderly would refuse a kid weeding their flower beds or cleaning their cupboards for free.  
 
How I would handle it is I would make a list of a bunch off jobs the dollar value attached to each job - the bigger/dirtier jobs are worth more. The child is "grounded" from TV, activities, treats, outings, ect. until they have paid down their "debt". The faster their get "debt" paid down the sooner they can go play with their friends or have the extras. Not only are you teaching them the value of a dollar and teaching them that stealing is wrong, you are also teaching them about debt management in a round about healthy way.  
 
One thing to keep in the back of your head of course is to keep it AGE APPROPRIATE!! Meaning if your child is three you cant expect them to cut the grass but there is absolutely no reason why a three year old cant pick up their toys and make their beds.  
 
My nephew has ADHD and we use the dirty job punishment thing all the time for him as well as my kids. The thing with ADHD to remember is that they can only focus on one task at a time so don't rattle a big long list of "to do's" - just keep it one thing at a time. Just think, if I told you to do ten things without writing it down or giving you any way to remember them and then sent you in a room full of toys to pick them up - you would get distracted and forget the list too.

mightyquinn2 said "What did they call ADHD back in the 70's and 80's? Oh wait they didn't have it back then did they? But now let's label the child with some kind of acronym to boost sales of pharmaceuticals and excuses as to why a kid is bad. It just erks me when parents lose site of parenting and immediately blame it on some made up psychological ddiagnosis.and then when they are at there witts end they call in the self esteem cavalry...because heaven forbid our children should be shamed or humiliated. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves...I said my piece. Have a nice day. :-) "

They generally called kids with ADHD, in the 70's and 80's, little bastards who either got smacked or frustrated with school until they quit (you could back then). These kids then either worked their asses off doing blue collar work or ended up in the justice system. Just because the term ADHD is newer, doesn't mean the behaviour is.  
 
I do agree there is some over labeling and over medicating going on by some parents but I think going to the other extreme of explaining how things are is no good either. At least there are people trying to make a difference.

My son acting weird on meds, I can gladly say he has been off meds for half a year. we got him into sports, activities and on the side library time. He is kept busy, off gaming systems and it has been the best drug for him.  
I am so proud of my little champ! he is doing so well now the labeling stopped.

ADHD was around in the 70's, my husband had it and there is a heredity component. My husband was a 'bad' kid, who got into lots of trouble and although, as an adult, he has been able to focus his energy, as a child he wasn't.  
My son is not a bad kid but ADHD has effected my son negatively.  
An example of my son's hyper activeness, my son would go around the house with both of his arms twirling like a windmill at his sides. He couldn't keep them still.  
He was diagnosed in grade 1 and completed more work in his first week on meds then he did in the 3 months prior.  
You are right in 1 way, medicated zombie children are not the answer. His initial meds, we didn't like how they effected him outside of school, he was not interested in socializing, playing sports etc. With the help of CATC we have switched meds, a few times, trying to find what can calm him enough to help him focus to learn and control his impulsiveness which had lead to hurting others and damaging things. Now that he's able to sit and focus we've learned he's not only capable but is smart.  
We don't medicate our kids because we're bad parents, we medicate to help our kids succeed in life. Help them become what they want to be, as opposed to what they have to be, because they have a mind that can't slow down long enough to focus or get anything accomplished.  
How about you climb off your high horse and say yay to happy, healthy, successful kids as opposed to shipping your judgments on others.

mightyquinn2 said "What did they call ADHD back in the 70's and 80's? Oh wait they didn't have it back then did they? But now let's label the child with some kind of acronym to boost sales of pharmaceuticals and excuses as to why a kid is bad. It just erks me when parents lose site of parenting and immediately blame it on some made up psychological ddiagnosis.and then when they are at there witts end they call in the self esteem cavalry...because heaven forbid our children should be shamed or humiliated. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves...I said my piece. Have a nice day. :-) "

These labels aren't "made up psycholgical diagnosis." Things like ADHD and autism, ODD, etc. are real conditions. There just wasn't a label 40 or 50 years ago. They were just labelled as "bad kids" or institutionalized because nobody wanted to take any responsibility for the extra work it takes to raise a kid that is "different" than the norm.  
 
I agree that labels should not be overused or used as an excuse either, but these kids do need extra attention to help them understand certain concepts. A typical child that steals money may need one punishment to make them quit, where as a child with ADHD may need the punishment along with other avenues to help them truly understand their wrong doing. It is more work for the parent to really guide their child to fully understand why their actions were wring and why the consequences are not enjoyable. Most parents these days are "too busy" to actually parent and take the time to do the extras that a child with something like ADHD needs.  
 
Stop blaming the labels, stop expecting every child to learn the same way, and stop with the lazy parenting. Put the time and effort in without the excuses, and you'll have a better outcome for your child. The label your child has is just a way for you to focus in on the right ays to help your child succeed in life.  
 
Edited by Jellybean, 2015-07-31 15:32:45

Please give CATC a call. They have several different professions that can help or get you in contact with someone who can help.