Discussions

Alright, so I definitely need some advice. I hope some eBrandoners can help give me some perspective.  
 
I graduated from BU this spring with my Bachelors of Education After Degree - with a job lined up in a School Division a little farther away that I had hoped for. However, I went in pretty optimistic and spent a good deal of time prepping materials to use in my very first classroom. I moved 3 hours away from practically everybody I know and love: but at least I had a job, right?  
 
2 months later and I am hating every second of my life. The students are a classroom management disaster: I've tried every trick in the book and just can't make anything work. My administrator spent all day last Friday morning in the class with me, and echoed what I already knew - the students don't listen for more than 12 seconds, so giving them any sort of instruction to teach them a new skill is impossible. I suppose I could hand-out worksheet after worksheet, but that serves little purpose.  
 
I don't know how to break it down any further for the struggling students in the class - I've asked for help from other teachers in the school, but I just get the "They're a really tough class" line every time. I spend 3 hours prepping each two math lessons differentiated by ability, only to have them fall apart in the classroom every day. And that doesn't even include the time I spend prepping ELA, SS and Science lessons.  
 
I am at school by 6:45AM and generally don't leave until around supper time. I then go home and prep materials for the next day, hopefully being able to crash into bed by 11:30. I live on cereal and bagged salads.  
 
My alarm is set to go off every morning at 5:45, but over the past two weeks I have been waking earlier and earlier - and when I wake up I'm always having pretty nasty panic attacks where it's all I can do to try to keep myself calm, let alone go back to sleep. It's gotten to the point where I can't even sleep in on the weekends any more. This past weekend I ended up having panic attack after panic attack after panic attack - eventually my family persuaded me to see a doctor. My principal gave me a one week leave: but all it seems to have given me is a week in which to increasingly dread heading back to work.  
 
I'm teaching in a very religious community and it's really hard to fit in, without joining a church. I miss my friends and my family, and just don't know how much longer I can keep up with all of this. I worry that quitting will ruin my chances of ever teaching again, but I also worry that if I don't do something about this that my mental health might never be the same.  
 
 
Edited by ABraveLittleToaster, 2009-10-29 12:05:19