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I'm just wondering about life after divorce. I am one of the only people in my circle that is still happily married. My question is that after divorce is final and folks move on why do I see that most men find a steady relationship before the women does. I see the divorced women date and date, but the men seem to find that lasting relationship that most times leads to another marriage. This is how it is in my circle so I might be a little under educated in this matter but what are the thoughts out there?? Am I crazy, do Men settle and Women over analyze??

It's all on the situation of why they divorce. If it's because of an unfaithful spouse it's hard to trust, same with financial abuse. If it's falling out of love than the other spouse is left wondering what happened if it's not mutual. Add in personalities and there's no easy answer.

I see the same kind of trend....  
Men just can't be happy alone, or maybe they just can't function alone, especially after being married already.  
Women I think are just much more social in a different way, forming closer relationships with friends, so probably don't feel the need to have another romantic relationship as immediately.  
Typically a man does not value the same qualities as a woman, or they are "not as picky" in some areas, so it is probably easier for a man to find a new relationship that he can be satisfied with much quicker.

Please be careful in generalizing the needs of men and women. This is up to the individual, regardless of sex, of what they feel comfortable with.  
 
I have not been in a relationship for a while now, and i'm very capable of taking care of myself. There are good and bad points of being single, just as there are when in a relationship.  
 
But again, it is up to the individual, not a "men vs. women" issue.  
 
And yes, I am very picky.

So I posed this question at work because well I am curious. A divorced Dad said that he thought that the men can move on more quickly because the women in the divorce most times have the children more often, thus making her ability to meet men more difficult?? Again not trying to generalize but that might be a small part of the reason. That being said I think Dad''s these days share equal time with the Mom''s. Another divorced man in the office said that Women don''t want to mother another man so soon after divorce, he said his ex wife " Went to find herself and didn''t want the burden of another CHILD". His quote not mine. The above could also go the other way. Men don''t want someone telling them what to do all the time, and they may want to find their freedom as well..... So who knows.....  
 
Edited by Enough, 2016-05-20 15:06:41

MikeD. said "Please be careful in generalizing the needs of men and women. This is up to the individual, regardless of sex, of what they feel comfortable with.     I have not been in a relationship for a while now, and i'm very capable of taking care of myself. There are good and bad points of being single, just as there are when in a relationship.     But again, it is up to the individual, not a "men vs. women" issue.     And yes, I am very picky. "

Of course everyone is different, and some men do not move on as quickly as others, and some women will move on very quickly. It isn't always a men vs. women issue.  
 
But unfortunately there are generalizations that can be made from basic trends. Typically you do see the man moving on quicker than the woman, for various reasons, not just the ones I happened to use as examples. Generalizations are not a definite.

Enough said "So I posed this question at work because well I am curious. A divorced Dad said that he thought that the men can move on more quickly because the women in the divorce most times have the children more often, thus making her ability to meet men more difficult?? Again not trying to generalize but that might be a small part of the reason. That being said I think Dad''s these days share equal time with the Mom''s. Another divorced man in the office said that Women don''t want to mother another man so soon after divorce, he said his ex wife " Went to find herself and didn''t want the burden of another CHILD". His quote not mine. The above could also go the other way. Men don''t want someone telling them what to do all the time, and they may want to find their freedom as well..... So who knows.....     Edited by Enough, 2016-05-20 15:06:41"

This is a generalization...lol  
People can be horrible creatures.  
 
If a person has to parent their partner, it will never be a healthy relationship. A relationship also should not be about control, or who has the upper hand.  
 
About moving on, it is dependant on the individual, their self-image, self-esteem, emotional well-being, etc (many psyche books written on this matter).  
 
Many people have checked out of remarrying, being in relationships, or even getting married in the first place, due to their perceptions, and environment.  
 
Again, many books, etc. written/discussed on this subject.

Jellybean said "I see the same kind of trend....   Men just can't be happy alone, or maybe they just can't function alone, especially after being married already.   Women I think are just much more social in a different way, forming closer relationships with friends, so probably don't feel the need to have another romantic relationship as immediately.   Typically a man does not value the same qualities as a woman, or they are "not as picky" in some areas, so it is probably easier for a man to find a new relationship that he can be satisfied with much quicker. "

Ok, i'm still re-reading...  
 
I respect your opinion.  
 
I don't want to come off sounding insensitive, like a jerk, condescending, etc., however...  
 
How do you know what men want. How do you know that we aren't happy being alone, how do you know that we can't function alone. how do you know what qualities that men look for.  
 
These generalizations, or examples as you say, are dangerous and somewhat irresponsible.  
 
I am willing to generalize that most men do value some of the same qualities that women value.  
 
I know some men do not want another romantic relationship right away.  
 
I know women who jump into another one very soon after.  
 
I know men who are very happy being alone, and women not so much, where they need a man. I am not saying all women.  
 
To sum it all up, we as people and individuals must be very careful, not necessarily politically correct, to make such careless generalizations.

Sorry.  
 
I find it really frustrating when the opposite sex tries to speak for the other, no matter what has been written, studied, whatever.  
 
Just because of what is concluded from group study is not always what the individual thinks or values.

Funny the generalizations people make....I was the one basically raising my 4 kids while my x was off running around with everyone and anything.... After the split i was the one raising 3 outta 4 fulltime and the last one part time. I was the one making the effort to be there and do things with all the kids....and I found relationships...the hardest part being balancing the relationships, and negotiating the relationship between my kids and these ladies, just because I raise my kids my way and they raised their kids another way doesn't make either way wrong....but it does cause issues and plain and simple my kids always have and always will take presidence...if something has to give it will be the relationship and I am very up front about that even though they are adults/older teens now.

In my situation, my ex was already in a new relationship before we separated. When I stared seeing someone a year later, my ex assaulted me in front of our children, and there had never been shy violence between us when we were together. People are strange. Now I haven't been in a relationship of any seriousness since, because that traumatized and damaged me and no relationships that I consider are very healthy due to this trauma. My ex has stayed with the person he cheated on me with and I have had our kids the whole time basically. They're traumatized also and it takes a lot of my time and attention to care for them as they now suffer from the effects of depression and trauma. I'm not inclined to trust a lot of men again easily.  
 
you don't always know the reality of what's going on with people, that is for sure

Then I am a man who has been divorced for 4 years, and I have dated a bit but have never had anything end up end up long term and I don't loose sleep over it. I go do what I need to do, yet my ex wife has lived with 3 guys in 4 years, so it takes all kinds

knowing a man being such a liar and sneaky along with cheating then you have not much interested in a relationship. Who wants to be hurt 2x

Regardless of whether you're male or female everyone thinks differently and wants/needs different things in a relationship. I've been separated for just over 5 years and although I've dated here and there the right man just hasn't come along...yet.  
 
I have found that the longer I'm single the harder it is to get back into being "a couple". I'm not saying I don't want that, but if it doesn't happen then I guess that's meant to be.  
 
There are so many advantages to being single but there are also so many to being in a relationship. The goal is to find someone that compliments your life in a way that has you wanting to give up your single status.  
 
If someone doesn't snatch me up soon I'll become the old spinster cat lady hahaha...just kidding, I'm not a cat person  
 
All in all, whether a man or a woman is able to get involved right away after a break up depends on their process and how they heal after the hurt.

Why is it only men being blamed?  
 
Women can be just as evil as men.  
 
Just because you have experienced hurt, betrayal, and a vast amount of emotions, does not mean all men are like that.  
 
And just because I experienced a wide array of emotions after my break-up. does not mean that all women are like that.  
 
If you decide to check out of dating and relationships, then that's fine, However, people will be people, and some people have no regard for anything else but their own agenda, so to speak.  
 
I just dislike that people only blame men for things, and people blame women for things. Especially when we all have the capacity to choose how we engage in relationships and behaviours.  
 
It does not matter what sex you are, you have the capacity to choose what kind of person you want to be.

lovemystery said "Regardless of whether you're male or female everyone thinks differently and wants/needs different things in a relationship. I've been separated for just over 5 years and although I've dated here and there the right man just hasn't come along...yet.     I have found that the longer I'm single the harder it is to get back into being "a couple". I'm not saying I don't want that, but if it doesn't happen then I guess that's meant to be.     There are so many advantages to being single but there are also so many to being in a relationship. The goal is to find someone that compliments your life in a way that has you wanting to give up your single status.     If someone doesn't snatch me up soon I'll become the old spinster cat lady hahaha...just kidding, I'm not a cat person     All in all, whether a man or a woman is able to get involved right away after a break up depends on their process and how they heal after the hurt. "

Finally I can agree with someone.... Thank God.  
 
Now being a total guy, I'm going to grab a beer and finish watching the hockey game.

Lets keep in mind that older men have more value on the dating market than older women do.

Entropy said "Lets keep in mind that older men have more value on the dating market than older women do. "

The only time an older man has value on the dating scene, is when he has amassed wealth.  
Then the utility factor has come into play again. Since we are talking generalizations.  
 
If I tried picking up young women, I would be labelled as: a dirty old man, pervert, etc. again, generally.  
 
Edited by MikeD., 2016-05-20 20:54:36

I don't blame one sex or the other, there are committed people of both sexes and there are cheaters and abusers of both sexes, that is for sure.

Tater said "I don't blame one sex or the other, there are committed people of both sexes and there are cheaters and abusers of both sexes, that is for sure. "

My statement wasn't directed at you, but I'm glad that you said that.

MikeD. said "    Entropy said "Lets keep in mind that older men have more value on the dating market than older women do. " The only time an older man has value on the dating scene, is when he has amassed wealth.   Then the utility factor has come into play again. Since we are talking generalizations.     If I tried picking up young women, I would be labelled as: a dirty old man, pervert, etc. again, generally.     Edited by MikeD., 2016-05-20 20:54:36"

The older man and younger woman/younger man and older woman...for me, age doesn't play a huge part. I've dated men older and younger than me. The thing that matters is compatibility. A lot of times, people with a large age gap have trouble finding common interests or having things to talk about. Someone much younger typically doesn't have the same life experience as someone older. In my personal experience a man around my age or older is typically more interested in who someone is, their dreams and goals and not so much about what they look like. They also tend to be a bit more humble (likely because of the trials and tribulations of their life experience). I just seem to connect better with men who are close to my age or a bit older. So as long as there are men out there who aren't just looking for a 20 something, I may not be out of luck yet!

lovemystery said "    MikeD. said "    Entropy said "Lets keep in mind that older men have more value on the dating market than older women do. " The only time an older man has value on the dating scene, is when he has amassed wealth.   Then the utility factor has come into play again. Since we are talking generalizations.     If I tried picking up young women, I would be labelled as: a dirty old man, pervert, etc. again, generally.     Edited by MikeD., 2016-05-20 20:54:36" The older man and younger woman/younger man and older woman...for me, age doesn't play a huge part. I've dated men older and younger than me. The thing that matters is compatibility. A lot of times, people with a large age gap have trouble finding common interests or having things to talk about. Someone much younger typically doesn't have the same life experience as someone older. In my personal experience a man around my age or older is typically more interested in who someone is, their dreams and goals and not so much about what they look like. They also tend to be a bit more humble (likely because of the trials and tribulations of their life experience). I just seem to connect better with men who are close to my age or a bit older. So as long as there are men out there who aren't just looking for a 20 something, I may not be out of luck yet! "

I have to agree, not that I''m trying to find fault with what you are saying.  
 
And just because I''m older, does not mean that I''m after 20 year old women, lol.  
 
But I really respect and agree with what you are saying.  
 
We should talk more.  
 
Edited by MikeD., 2016-05-20 21:47:10

Enough said "So I posed this question at work because well I am curious. A divorced Dad said that he thought that the men can move on more quickly because the women in the divorce most times have the children more often, thus making her ability to meet men more difficult?? Again not trying to generalize but that might be a small part of the reason. That being said I think Dad''s these days share equal time with the Mom''s. Another divorced man in the office said that Women don''t want to mother another man so soon after divorce, he said his ex wife " Went to find herself and didn''t want the burden of another CHILD". His quote not mine. The above could also go the other way. Men don''t want someone telling them what to do all the time, and they may want to find their freedom as well..... So who knows.....     Edited by Enough, 2016-05-20 15:06:41"

I think there's a kernel of truth in what you said. My SIL says that most guys go white and walk away when they find out she has sole custody of 4 kids, LOL.  
 
But I did wonder at one point what it was like to date when you have your kids 1/2 time. Another family member has his kids 1/2 time, which means he could date or do whatever without worrying about his kids the other 1/2 of the time. Many men have "shared custody", but only have their kids every other weekend. That would make it a lot easier to get back in the game.  
 
I know when I divorced and started dating again (I didn't have any kids) most men were not interested if I had kids. They would ask the question, and it was like "whew", you could see the relief on their faces when I said no kids. Maybe that changes when you get older (I was in my 20s) IDK.

Enough said "I'm just wondering about life after divorce. I am one of the only people in my circle that is still happily married. My question is that after divorce is final and folks move on why do I see that most men find a steady relationship before the women does. I see the divorced women date and date, but the men seem to find that lasting relationship that most times leads to another marriage. This is how it is in my circle so I might be a little under educated in this matter but what are the thoughts out there?? Am I crazy, do Men settle and Women over analyze?? "

If you are in fact the only one in your circle still married - my advice to you is "be VERY cognizant of the "now single" gals trying to come on to your Husband" - for some reason, some women go for guys who are in a solid relationship. Divorce seems to put a certain desperation on the women . . . please be on guard to protect YOUR marriage now girl . . .