Discussions

That 70's guy said "what some of us have as being "insecure" or "clingy" or "joined at the hip". Just as I'll try not to label those that enjoy their time apart as "not really being in love" or "being roommates" or "going through the motions". You can't change how you feel just by telling yourself to. Once you find your soul mate, you will truly understand how it works. "

I didn't mean to diminish anyone's relationship. I'm sorry for that. What works for one couple may not for another but it doesn't mean that either couple loves each other any less.  
 
I am genuinely interested to know how others keep up with other relationships in their lives though. When we first started dating, I admit I spent ALL my free time with him. I lost contact with some friends for awhile. Thankfully, my friendships didn't suffer and they bounced back once I learned how to divide my time. My Relationship with my SO is still the one that gets the most time but I feel I have healthy relationships with others too. (Well, as healthy as a homebody can be! Lol)

shaggy said "With 70's guy. What did happen to that "can't wait to see you feeling". If you have to have separate activities and either separate rooms or places to do them, maybe you are kidding yourself that you just think you have a relationship or don't know what a "real" relationship is. I think it is a signs of the times affecting the dynamics of relationships today. My parents were married 42 years and never spent a minute apart. To top it off we ( my parents and my brother), did activities together , as a family. How often do you see that today? If spending time apart is overshadowing together time.....mYbe all you do have is a roommate. Can't be much "love" to share if you constantly need distractions elsewhere. Who needs a partner if you have friends or other interests to fill your time? Maybe there is a lot of taking for granted going on? I just think changes in society and attitudes has a lot to do with it. If you and your partner have the same interests, or at least you should have some, then do them together. What brings people together in the first place? If it is uncommon interests then how did you end up together? Partners should at least have the same mindset about most things. It's a different era we live in and it is not a good one in SO MANY ways. Very negative and self centred. "

In our relationship if we had to do all our interests together than we would resent each other. My husband loves hunting but I have absolutely no interest in it, same as my interest in photography. We do those hobbies apart, we don't want to lose our individuality. Also we can only do those hobbies apart since when one of us is doing it the other is looking after our son.  
 
We spend lots of time together with our family but that doesn't mean we need to spend every non-working minute together. Every relationship is different and needs different things to survive, it is not a one size fits all situation.

Tend to make people distracted.  
When you are ignored by someone whose focused  
only on facebook or twitter, you lose interest.  
 
It's pretty rude.  
 
And pretty stupid.  
 
Or just careless.

My SO and I don't plan time apart but it does naturally happen. He likes to golf, me not so much. If he is going to the driving range I will go with but not for a round of golf. I have gone a few times just to drive the cart. We have cattle, sometimes I go with him to do chores and sometimes I take the dog for a walk instead. I like to run he does not, I run with the dog. It's important to me to make memories with my grandma while she is still alive and my nieces. At least 3 times a year the girls in my family get together and bake. He would go crazy if I made him come. I also have friends. Most are married with kids but we still find time to get together. Usually it's a trip to Costco and pedicures. Our farm equipment is not set up for 2 people. I don't ride in the tractor with him, I did once and that was more than enough. It's not so comfortable with 2 people in a 1 person tractor. For us it's not about quantity of time but quality of time. We still go on dates. We eat supper together a minimum of 5 times a week, even if it's in the field. If he is home when I am canning and preserving he is always sitting at the table in the kitchen and helps with dishes after. I'm. Not clingy and I do not ever question his love for me. When we do have time together we make it count.

I would love to spend more time with him but life is crazy busy when you have kids in the mix and other things you need to do in life. Nights are our time when the kids are in bed or if we are lucky enough to get a date night once a month. But I don't know about being together all the time i think we would get sick of each other.

you start by saying you'd love to spend more time with him, then end by saying if you did, you'd get sick of each other. Not sure I understand. "Never give up" explains exactly how I feel. Sure, you have your own things you like to do that the other one doesn't, BUT you'd still rather be doing them with your soul mate.

Sometimes we would see each other 1 week out of the month, but we appreciated our time together more and did more things together than we do now that he is laid off. Absence makes the heart grow fonder?!

That 70's guy said "you start by saying you'd love to spend more time with him, then end by saying if you did, you'd get sick of each other. Not sure I understand. "Never give up" explains exactly how I feel. Sure, you have your own things you like to do that the other one doesn't, BUT you'd still rather be doing them with your soul mate. "

No, she said she'd like to be able to spend MORE time with him, but they wouldn't want to spend ALL of their time together.  
Stop trying to tell people how they should feel in their own relationships. Congrats to you if you want to spend every waking moment with your SO, but not all relationships work that way.

don't need to be mean to me, all I said was I didn't understand her position. And I realise there are two ends of the spectrum of relationships. All I'm saying is "how you feel is how you act".

of my post did I say I wanted to spend ALL my time with my partner, just more than I do now and not have to feel like I am stepping on toes or intruding to be able to spend that time. Again "That 70's Guy" gets it.

Stating "I'm just saying that when you find that "right" person, you'd rather be with them than apart" and "Once you find your soul mate, you will truly understand how it works" is condescending and assuming that you have a more valuable relationship than others. I have found the right person and my soul mate and I am also secure enough in my relationship and myself to be able to "breathe without them".  
 
This all sounds very insecure and judging from past discussions by the same OP, I think counselling should be seriously looked into.

JUDGING

judging anyone. Only stating what MY situation is. The judge and jury can carry on with what makes you happy. Don't give opinions and think everyone HAS to accept them. They are OPINIONS to take or leave. Get off your high horses. What a boring world it would be if everyone thought and needed the exact same things in life. Do what makes you happy. I'm stating what doesn't make ME happy and some of it has been blown way out of proportion and words have been put into mouths. Now I am mentally ill and need help. YOUR OPINION.

That 70's guy said "don't need to be mean to me, all I said was I didn't understand her position. And I realise there are two ends of the spectrum of relationships. All I'm saying is "how you feel is how you act". "

Sorry I wasn't trying to be mean, just stating my observations of your statements, and my opinions on the subject. I happen to disagree with every single one of your posts in this thread. Why shouldn't I 'orchestrate interactions with other people'? Just because I'm in a loving relationship with my soulmate, that means I can't go out for drinks with my girlfriends a couple times a month, without him? To you, doing this means I'm somehow less in love than you are? That I 'don't get it'? Sorry but no. Again, if that's how your relationship is, and your happy with it that way, then that's wonderful! But not everyone's is.

Is not condescending. He just gets it. If u have to read some of these posts more than once to understand then please do that before you blurt haphazardly. Again, do what makes YOU happy. If that is "going out for drinks", have a ball and then call a taxi. I believe you are missing some of the points being made. Most of them are as individual as the people making them.

Each individual relationship is different.  
 
What works for one might not work for another.  
 
Communication is the key. If one feels like they are being smothered and turns away, they should be able to communicate this to the other partner. Likewise to the partner that doesn't feel they are getting the attention they need.  
 
Some are needy and some are not. If's it's not a good fit, then maybe the person crying out for togetherness needs to relook at the relationship.  
 
Communication.  
 
If that fails, then move on.  
 
This can't be put into black and white. There are too many personal dynamics in each and every relationship.