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I would like some opinions

I would like some opinions

straightanswer
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 20

straightanswer
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 20

I would like some opinions
3/24/2016 at 4:25 PM

After 30 yrs of marriage my wife started a new career and a new job !shortly after she started to converse more and more about her boss and after 3 yrs of trying to get her to ease up on me hearing about him it happened after a intimate occasion on bed she got out of bed and started conversing about her boss and that really hurt ! Then she rolled over in bed one night put her arm around me and called me by her bosses name and said I wouldn't be happy about this and to top it all of they have shared their personal cell # 'S . He to is a married man and supposed.to be a professional business man ? My wife says that noting is going on but has not kept her promise of telling him not to be contacting her on her personal cell . Now she wishes to do more work for him at work and he would increase her pay but they would be working closely to start !!
So my questions are 1 does this sound like an emotional affair and 2 if iam not comfortable about previous issues should I say enough is enough and all patties involved need help ?
daveboy
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 38

daveboy
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 38

Hi.
3/24/2016 at 5:02 PM

Hi i think you know the answer to what's going on . People telling you isn't going to help . Get a good lawyer.
Grace1956
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 661

Grace1956
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 661

(-)
3/24/2016 at 5:27 PM

I would say that it's not looking great. You got 30 years in marriage is worth fighting for. Don't forget she will get half of everything. I would recommend a marriage counsellor. Sit her down and tell her again is there children involved property investment etc. You got a rough road ahead of you. I think a lawyer maybe someone to speak with other options for yourself.
traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

:)
3/25/2016 at 10:38 AM

by your accounts it sounds more like she has a big crush on him

(you never said he was doing anything inappropriate, besides having her cell number, every boss mail or not has had my cell, i also chat occasionally to the opposite sex, hubby is aware as there is nothing going on besides i like to talk lol)

A job does require working together and if she is up for more duties close training would make sense BUT if she is having trouble getting her head straight and it obviously bothers you i would think a good talk would be in order, if that isnt enough then counseling should be next

does sound like she is trying to respect your wishes asking him not to contact her on her cell, that says she still cares about what you want and think
Wam22
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 253

Wam22
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 253

Don't just throw it away...
3/26/2016 at 8:52 AM

It's very possibly it's an extremely innocent crush or something more. I don't think the personal cells is that out of line depending on her job, most of my jobs my superiors have my cell to contact me on after hours if they please or I need to contact them. I also may talk about my co workers or bosses after work, friendships build when you see someone 8-10 hrs Monday to Friday. After thirty years if this is a huge issue then go to a counsellor someone to be a neutral party to hear both sides. Tell your wife this is making you feel insecure and not stable in your relationship! Non judgmental communication might be the key, not accusing, not pushy just how you feel!
bigmoe
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2181

bigmoe
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2181

.
3/26/2016 at 10:19 AM

I suspect she is pumped about her job. It's an exciting time for her in her new role and her hard work is being rewarded. She's sharing all this with you and instead of being happy for her and supportive you are feeling threatened in your own insecurities. Look inward at your own feelings and insecurities.
diogenes
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 179

diogenes
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 179

Talk to her
3/26/2016 at 11:30 AM

Just be mature about it and tell her how you feel. Talk to her about it. It's normal to have feelings for people other than a spouse. We're only human. Not everyone does, but many do and it's not talked about. If you truly love her, you'll be supportive of her and understand. It'll pass if it is a crush. Sometimes it's just exciting to meet a new person.

But if you don't talk to her about it (and it is a crush), it'll become more likely that she'll act on it. Maybe it's nothing to worry about.
Happy_ Hour
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 919

Happy_ Hour
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 919

It does not sound
3/26/2016 at 3:59 PM

to me like there is any cheating going on physically. If there was, then he would not be brought up at all. Anything to do with him would likely be kept secret.

It does sound like a crush though. Just talk to her. She probably does not realize it is hurting you as much as it is. Best of luck.
Brandon2012
Joined: This month
Posts: 366

Brandon2012
Joined: This month
Posts: 366

hahahaha innocent crush??
3/26/2016 at 5:38 PM

To whom wrote it may be an 'extremely innocent crush'. What the hell is that? To me that's saying a married woman had a crush on ryan Reynolds. Sorry married couples shouldn't have crushes on people they see 5 days a week. Mind over matter, if someone feels they are feeling that way, change your thoughts and clean your mind out, invest the time in your marriage instead. Disgusting.
MGC
Joined: This month
Posts: 12

MGC
Joined: This month
Posts: 12

Umm
3/26/2016 at 10:13 PM

Been in a similar situation but I was the female with the male boss and my husband thought that there was something going on. Did I talk about him, yes, was it work related, yes, was it because of a new project, yes, did he have my cell number, yes. Did it upset me that my husband was cranky, disapproving, questioning, and argumentative all the time? YES. Did we need to sit down and have a real open heart to heart conversation about what was happening in our lives and where we wanted to go in the future with our marriage? YES.
Did it help? yep.
Stop assuming and talk to the woman.
straightanswer
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 20

straightanswer
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 20

more info to the story
3/26/2016 at 10:26 PM

after she had worked there for approx. 6 yrs she required extensive joint surgery and as the husband i am i kept with her through it all during and a fter even help ing with rehabilitation .It would be an unusual day for her to not get an i love you or some support but approx 4 yrs after surgery it must of slipped her mind just what we had been trough so far in life !
Now as for the boss a few years ago his step daughter had show up at the business and started checking out his cell phones and expense reciepts while HE took a leave of absense from work which was as the story was told a nervous breakdown which is funny because a story from another one of his business's was that he had an affair !
What ever happened to the days when MEN were actually MEN and not trying to undermind or uproot people ?
And there is some more !!!
whatthewhat
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 297

whatthewhat
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 297

I can relate -
3/26/2016 at 10:38 PM

Because my boyfriend has thrown me under the bus because he has an "intimate/emotional/caring' relationship with his neighbor. She is a single woman - and he seems to protect her, do favors for her - and puts her needs above mine.

I am not sure why some partners do not value protecting the relationship they have - and why the 3rd part feels its OK to interlope.
straightanswer
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 20

straightanswer
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 20

emotional affairs
3/26/2016 at 10:44 PM

Emotional affairs are an infidelity and some people should read an article about them and how damaging they are ! How thet create a breach of trust
whatthewhat
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 297

whatthewhat
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 297

exactly
3/26/2016 at 10:49 PM

Thank you for sharing - and I agree whole heartedly. And him disrespecting my feelings, and continuing with doting on her - makes me very angry.

But to him, his solution is to shelter HER cause she is his neighbor, and I live out of town - so every day, I am wondering what the two of them are doing together today - yet he just does not grasp how emotionally abusive he is being towards me. And the neighbor gal, is all cheery and happy - pisses me off just typing this.
Hey!
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 284

Hey!
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 284

.
3/26/2016 at 11:01 PM

Cheating doesn't have to be physical. Emotional is just as bad or worse.
whatthewhat
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 297

whatthewhat
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 297

!
3/26/2016 at 11:17 PM

oh, and my guy just doesn't want to talk about anything. He just says he does not like confrontations and acts ambivalent/dense - and doesn't see anything wrong with helping "his Neighbor" - but yeah, I have told him clearly how upsetting this is to me. See, he does not believe in compromise - he will just threaten to end our relationship when there is a ripple of disagreement from me - that is how he handles it. And, we have an 11 year relationship!!!
bigmoe
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2181

bigmoe
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2181

.
3/26/2016 at 11:18 PM

So it sounds like what you are saying is that after her surgery she was vulnerable and dependent on you. Now that she is independent and thriving you feel left out. Your insecurities are getting the best of you. The rumor of the bosses alleged infidelity is feeding your insecurity as well. Why can't you be proud of her current success?
traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

:)
3/27/2016 at 4:58 AM

whatthewhat- you need to work on self esteem and decide if you really want the type of relationship you just described, i know i wouldnt

straightanswerguy - you arent quite making sense to me, are you sure its not your self esteem issues too, just because the boss had or is rumored to have an affair doesnt mean he is after your wife, not that it wouldnt worry me at all, but you really have to look at the character of your wife because there will always be people of questionable character in the world, you need to talk to your wife and find out what exactly is going n in her head and go from there
whatthewhat
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 297

whatthewhat
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 297

thanks
4/5/2016 at 9:16 AM

I appreciate your words of encouragement. Thank you for the support.