Discussions

are being brought up by many. I agree with a previous poster how it seems that men tend to say they want that strong independent woman, however when presented that option they tend to be intimidated or just not truly want that. As well as I find a lot of women and men in todays day do have that list and if you don't meet ALL aspects of it then you are not an option. I find this to be shallow and explains why many are single and I think this stems from having so many options now to meet someone or pick your "match". yes there must be some attraction and things in common, but no one is perfect. Good luck to everyone! Seems like this is a common topic that comes up frequently, maybe some matches will come out of it this time around. Mid 30s female

I tried POF, waste of time. I am never, ever, going to meet anyone's complete checklist. The "You must be ..." is a condemnation of my past. I can't change what was, yet I am doomed to endless punishment. Ladyfriend had her profile on POF. I had her add a few things, remove a few things, get rid of a damaging box on "the checklist" and BOOM, she finds a guy. Then, after meeting this "nice guy", she admits she never would have met him with her existing checklist. My personal requirements i:nclude: could you be nice to me? Yes, there are other things, but, how about starting somewhere instead of having a wall of "must have" that I can never get through? Living in the boondocks of Dauphin does not help because "Oh, you are automatically rejected based on distance". I think, that at 60, I have a few pluses.

Wishing everyone luck and happiness in their journey through life and in finding a good partner. Forget all the superficial list "must haves" and go meet some people. You might be pleasantly surprised. Sometimes timing is everything. In my case it is not the right time to date at all. I have way too much on my plate - I wouldn't be able to spend much time at all with someone new, plus it takes time to heal and to get over previous relationships and I would want things to be fair for the new person so that I can give myself fully and completely to them and not be hung up on the past. I see a lot of people very quickly go from one serious relationship to the next and I can't help but wonder if they're really over who they were just with or if that last person was just a "filler". But have faith!!! Timing is everything we never know who you might meet. It could be someone at the grocery store, or it could be someone at the theatre, you could be walking your dog and meet someone along the same path every day- don't be afraid to say hello to them!!! If you don't reach out- don't expect much to happen!

Never got past the first line of the list of requirements before clicking next.  
From personal experience people with a list of must have or must be would not meet the minimum needs of their own list but expect others will.

I going to give you my 2 cents. I am a decent Guy I am loyal, trustworthy, hardworking, I own my own house, I have 2 beautiful girls that I co-parent. I don't cheat. I am respectful of other feelings, I can go on and on about myself. In saying that I have not come across a decent Girl in this town. I have been cheated on more time then I can recall, I have been verbally and physical abused and hit. Yet in that relationship I help grown that person and help make our lives better but in returned I get called the worst person in the world. I know there is two side of the story but in saying that if you are looking for a decent guy you must me a decent girl which in this town is hard to find.  
 
decent guys don't approach you asking to go on a date bc well they did once and got shot down and never given a chance when they asked. decent guys wont chase you case they got shamed in past given a dirty look and got told to F^&k O%$. Maybe it time for you to approach them, break the ice.  
 
I am saying this cause i am 34 with my head on my shoulders and I rather be single the rest of my life then to be in a relationship with a girl that will wreak what I have build for me and my kids.  
 
My story is very different but it a story of a decent guy that just wanted a family and grow old with someone and enjoy this awesome world we live ( my thoughts in my teen years) and now I am still a decent guy that just want to live my life and be there for a kids cause what they are my world, the three of us are perfect we don't really need the forth, but if that person comes along she better be one hell of a girl other wise it not worth my time.  
 
sorry if this offends ppl but I believe that not may ppl are looking in the mirror and asking the right questions first before pointing the finger at others. Its a two way street and we reap what we sow.

Sent u a pm

"I have been verbally and physical abused and hit."  
 
Ex-wife decided to go a bit of a rant and teach me a lesson. Ladies? You don't think this stuff is done to men, well, it is. I had to have the police remove her, twice.  
 
So, when you see me somewhere, wonder what I am about, you will never find out because I have had the crap beat out of me and I can't risk it again.  
 
Where are all the decent guys? A lot of us are at home alone.

gearhead52 said "There are lots of great guys out there. As I'm sure there are many great women out there too. The same holds true that there are some pretty selfish, mean, superficial and emotionally unstable folks too. It's probably tough to find a connection, especially if you have an actual huge list of criteria that is mostly full of superficial "fluff". Perhaps if we looked more at the core values a person has, the attitude in which they meet adversity, their ability to give of themselves, to accept love and love back in return, it might be easier to find a partner. Leave the "list" at home, and try seeing a person's true character. I've met many women who I thought were stunningly attractive until I got to know them. After realizing how manipulative and toxic they were, suddenly there was no attraction whatsoever. (Acquaintances, co-workers, dates, girlfriends). I find it easy to become more and more attracted to someone who has a soft beautiful heart, a vibrant soul, a boat load of kindness and a stable head on their shoulders. Whether the CEO of their own huge company or a stay at home mom, (both jobs are tough as hell)- socio-economic status does not matter to me. WHO you are and how you treat others is important, not what you do for a living. Have patience- I know it sucks. Some great guys out there are doing their best to prioritize family obligations (if they are single with kids/dependants), careers and helping others and are not in the dating scene yet. The good ones are worth the wait... "

Very well said! Wow - I am impressed and inspired by your comment. Everything you said rang so deep for me as I agree with it all! I wish more people thought like you!

Pm Me Im 56 Male

"NEMB", I'm certainly glad you were inspired! I really didn't think how I feel would inspire but hey- it's just how i really feel and think! Wish you well!

TheScotsman said ""I have been verbally and physical abused and hit."     Ex-wife decided to go a bit of a rant and teach me a lesson. Ladies? You don't think this stuff is done to men, well, it is. I had to have the police remove her, twice.     So, when you see me somewhere, wonder what I am about, you will never find out because I have had the crap beat out of me and I can't risk it again.     Where are all the decent guys? A lot of us are at home alone. "

I am sure it wasn't easy for you and I am sorry you had to go through this. Please take care of yourself. Don't let this one woman keep you from finding love again.

Decent guys are wondering why all the woman want to be with abusive alcoholics

Ive been looking for someone who is honest, genuine, carring with a great swncw of humor. Thought I had found that guy and to my suprise he wasnt what I thought. Not all girls play games or are into that "bad boy" type and not all guys are bad guys. Im almost 32 and still looking for that one thats honest and doesnt play games, have an adhenda or some alterior motive. seems like ive been waiting (not looking) for so long now im doubting if it will ever happen but who knows right. Good luck to everyone else though hope you find your special someone.

brand76 said "Decent guys are wondering why all the woman want to be with abusive alcoholics "

Why are decent guys not attracted to independent, hard working woman?  
 
I have it all together, the past is the past, I work hard, have a good job, a car, a place to live, a great sense of humour, I am positive, outgoing, loyal, trusting, I work out and I am attractive but I have yet to meet a man who can appreciate the complete package.  
 
It's not like I am asking for much in return. Just trust, honesty, loyalty, you must work and be self sufficient.

The #1 thing I dislike, in a woman, is a checklist.  
 
_trust  
_honesty  
_loyalty  
_work  
_self sufficient

NameHere said "    brand76 said "Decent guys are wondering why all the woman want to be with abusive alcoholics " Why are decent guys not attracted to independent, hard working woman?     I have it all together, the past is the past, I work hard, have a good job, a car, a place to live, a great sense of humour, I am positive, outgoing, loyal, trusting, I work out and I am attractive but I have yet to meet a man who can appreciate the complete package.     It's not like I am asking for much in return. Just trust, honesty, loyalty, you must work and be self sufficient. "

Not that it matters or that you should care but when I read this, I see "I would like an attractive man who has it all together and is a hard worker. Should be at least fit - someone who works out would be even better."  
 
People tend to emphasize the qualities they see in themselves that they would like to see in their mate. I could not see you going for a lazy guy who needs "babysitting" even if he is loyal, trustworthy, honest and self-sufficient etc.  
 
And there is nothing wrong with that. I know what I am looking for and I will know it when (and if) I find it. I am 62 and have no desire to waste my time on someone who does not have "chemistry" with me. I did that FAR too much when I was younger. lol :D  
 
Edited by Cee Jay 55, 2016-11-23 16:35:03

TheScotsman said "The #1 thing I dislike, in a woman, is a checklist.     _trust   _honesty   _loyalty   _work   _self sufficient "

And I certainly don''t want to upset anyone, as this is not a checklist in my mind. Just qualities I would like in a man. I think we all have qualities we are looking for.  
 
Chemistry is important too, as is a sense of humour.  
 
Edited by NameHere, 2016-11-23 20:08:04

Want or fall for that "bad guy" I fell for a couple that were prince charming and then changed like they had split personalities or something. I can say I dont want that guy I want someone who is being honest with themself and everyone else. Theres ppl on here saying how much they want a relationship who turn into a monster in sheeps clothing and im sure its the same for some girls as well. But you have to teh to remember even though its hard at times not everyone is like that. Not every guy or girls the same, and maybe someday il meet a guy who will prove me right.

but we are just asking for it in different ways.  
 
I know the difference between want and need. I know, Mr. Right is out there and in the meantime, I will not settle for Mr. Right Now, just to be with someone.  
 
Good luck everyone.  
 
Edited by NameHere, 2016-11-24 12:13:18

Nobody should settle for less then they deserve. What bothers me is the people on here who say are "good guys" or want a relationship only to discover when your in one with them. They turn out to be the opposite. Not ready, and change before your eyes. It makes those of us who are looking for something good and are serious look bad. Not being at that points fine just dont post everywhere thats what your looking for and wanting.  
 
Dont settle for anyone that doesnt give you butterflies and smile from ear to ear. Lifes to short to settle for someone. Be with someone you cant imagine your life without them in it, or you in theirs.

I'm surprised at the opposition to checklists. While some people will stay single because of their lengthy checklist. Not all checklists are bad. When I was looking for a partner my checklist was pretty easy, must not do illegal drugs (I know, I'm a prude. I was and am shocked how many people so illegal drugs, to each there own, just don't want it in my life), cannot be an alcoholic, must not have a gambling addiction. Again, I don't judge anyone who has addiction issues, just don't want that to be in my life. I never expected anyone to be something I myself am not.  
 
But I do have a question for those that say they can't find anyone decent...where are you looking? I have friends who say the same, yet outside of work never leave there house. I'm surprised how many think the perfect partner is going to appear somehow magically in their house!

if you drop the age barrier then maybe some are either trying too hard perhaps and others are bruised from past relations wich leeds to aprehention when meeting the next person !  
Some times people try to hard and miss what is right under their nose and some times you set the bar to high right from the get go and forget that two honest people can mold and mess together and create a wonderful life together !  
The world is full of combinations and unfortunately just as many out comes but one needs to sometimes take a blind leap of faith

We "older" single folk are more "set in our ways".  
 
Years of experience have taught us what to avoid and change is something we don''''t want to do if it appears pointless. Yes, life changes when you enter a relationship - sometimes one person puts too many demands on the other or has too high of expectations which cannot be met by the other. I am hesitant to start another relationship at this point for just those reasons: although I do have a POF profile "just in case". Personally, I have made some less than intelligent choices in the past when entering a relationship. I now find myself second guessing approaching someone I feel drawn to.  
 
And yes, everyone has a "list" but some put too much emphasis on things that should not matter so much. My list is more about what a person is like as opposed to what they look like, do for a living, or what they own, although, as I have stated before, their must be a physical attraction to begin with.  
 
Edited by Cee Jay 55, 2016-11-25 01:35:51

Previous relationships have left me more anxious about getting into new ones. I was just in one where I put my everything into it and I thought he was doing the same to find out how wrong I really was. Im ot set in my ways but am willing to try new "ways" for the right person.  
 
Some people can be very shallow look at the superfucial side of peopke. But fir me its about someones heart, soul, their morrals and beliefs. Attraction does play a part but it cant be everything.

and that's what make us who we are today.  
 
I care more about the heart, soul and mind because our outsides can change and they often do over the years.  
 
Because I am a bit older and wiser, I think it is important to be honest and open up front. I am attracted to the inner beauty, because that doesn't change. I think if you have similar interests and values the attraction will follow.

I am in the "older" category I suppose. I find that yes as we get older we tend to approach new ideas with "have been there done that" and we won't give it another chance.....If you want a relationship to work, you both need to make compromises all the time. There has to be good communication all the time!!  
This is just my 2 cents..

NameHere said "    TheScotsman said "The #1 thing I dislike, in a woman, is a checklist.     _trust   _honesty   _loyalty   _work   _self sufficient " And I certainly don''t want to upset anyone, as this is not a checklist in my mind. Just qualities I would like in a man. I think we all have qualities we are looking for.     Chemistry is important too, as is a sense of humour.     Edited by NameHere, 2016-11-23 20:08:04"

Well, with these "qualities" in mind, I would not even get a "hello". Why? My qualities are not easily accessible until after you have tried to get to know me.  
 
You would never get to know me with an up front list. I would fail before you tried to get to know me.  
 
I recently re-connected with someone from 45(forty-five) years ago. Neither of us would have spent more than five seconds if we had a "list". So, we started with "Sup?". Now, it is a complicated tale, but, it seems our individual strengths offset the others' "perceived" weaknesses.  
 
We each have some really nasty minuses. We each have some amazing pluses.  
 
Interesting thing, to get to the pluses, we each had to wade through the minuses.

I say stop worrying about trying to find a decent person and just be a decent person and the rest will come when it's time for it to!

Elizabete said "I agree crosslock everyone is an individual so judge not as a group .... women can be just as bad and awful and liars "

...can be real time-savers, along with biases and heuristics. They free up tons of time for TV viewing and writing nuisance posts.  
 
I don't think either gender has a lock on lying and being awful. We're all rotten scoundrels, to some degree.

Finding a decent woman can be just as difficult