Discussions

I am an avid ebrandon user but for the sake of this topic i have opened a new account to keep my identity a secret. A few things to know first i am 19 years old and have lived in Brandon all my life. I am choosing to post this because im not sure really of where to turn to, so maybe in throwing this out there someone might know how to help.  
 
Last year i had to make one of the hardest choices of my life. A choice i wish i didn't have to make. The day i found out my girlfriend was pregnant was probably one of the most confusing days of my life. That being a feeling of being scared out of my mind and then also a feeling of happiness.  
 
We went threw all of the normal process of going to the Doctors and buying a ton of books. We choose not to tell our parents until we felt we were ready. We told her mother first and of course she had the mix feelings any mother would have in learning that there young teenage daughter is pregnant. Yet in time she became helpful and very supportive. We waited a little bit longer to tell my parents as we felt they wouldn't be as understanding.  
 
We had a choice. 1 we keep the baby, 2 we put the baby up for adoption, 3 abortion. At the time i felt that putting the baby up for adoption wouldn't be a good idea as i couldn't deal with the fact that i would have a child out in the world who wasn't with me. Keeping the baby would of caused us to grow up really fast and of course all of the typical things that choice brings. I felt that the best choice at the time would be to just have an abortion. She on the other hand wasn't 100% sure of what she wanted.  
 
Eventually it came down to us having the abortion in Winnipeg. You must understand at the time i had no idea what to do, i was just out of high school trying to make it on my own with a person i truly cared for.  
 
We are no longer together as a couple but we do try to stay being friends.  
 
I have come to regret my decision 100%. I find myself becoming extremely depressed from certain things. Watching a show that discuss the topic, seeing a couple around my age with a child. I find myself unable to deal with certain situations now. Some days i feel suicidal because i cant live with the choice that i made, and now understanding that everything would of been fine. I feel like i cant be in a relationship because i feel guilty from what i did.  
 
I sometimes just lay and cry. I am finding it difficult to carry on with the amount of pain i feel everyday.  
 
If i could take it back i would go back to winnipeg and tell her that we will be fine and it will all work out in the end. I am sorry to you and i know you cant forgive me.  
 
So in the end i think im just reaching out for someone to talk to or maybe someone who knows what i feel.