Discussions

I am curious on peoples opinions and experiences on how long they waited to introduce a new partner to children from a previous relationship. How long after the separation did they wait before bringing a new partner into their kids life's and how long they were with this new partner before introducing them to their kids.  
 
Edited by 123abc123, 2015-07-17 18:19:35

In my opinion, every relationship is different. You have to take ages of children involved, their maturity levels, and whether or not they've accepted Mommy and Daddy aren't together into the equation. You should also take into account how long this potential new partner is going to remain a 'permanent fixture' so as to prevent further confusion. Introduce your new person to the children in a neutral atmosphere, not in their home (aka: their safe place). Ask your children if it's okay to involve or invite your new person along on outings with you, then they feel they are important where some decision making comes into play. If the new partner is meant to be, everything will fall into place without having the feeling that one or both parties is "trying to hard" to fit in. Hope this helps?!

I am stepmom to two boys, for four years. I was the first woman that met them after their parents separated. Their parents were split for a little over six months when I met their dad. We decided it was best that we waited for me to meet them. I personally felt like I wanted to date the man before I dated the kids. I didn't want to be in a situation where I was attached to the kids and not my bf. It was five months before we set up a meeting. We decided to do it at his family BBQ, it took pressure off the kids and off of me to have an informal meeting. Luckily we hit off. There were some bumpy moments, but nothing severe. Once their mom re married everything settled nicely. We all  
now get together and the four of us co parent. It's not easy for the adults, but always think about how hard and confusing it is for the kids. As long as your spouse has the right intentions, is willing to have an "instant" family, and have patience to deal with lots of different situations, you'll be fine. To answer your question it's more about what you feel is best for your kids and yourself. We chose to wait, but their mom did not and they all met within a month and moved in with six months.. But at that point I had been in the picture and sharing a home with them for two years.. So everyone's situation is different! Good luck!

Thank you for the input. I'll go into detail about my situation. My ex of 7 years moved out about 3 months ago, we agreed to try to work on the relationship. we still did things as a family together with our kids spent the night at each other's places. I found out I was pregnant about a month after he moved out while we were still working on the relationship. It seemed as soon as we found out he completely changed I wasn't allowed at his house anymore he wasn't willing to do things as a family anymore and within 2 weeks he started seeing other people. he introduced my kids to one girl and asked my 5 year old if he liked her because he might start dating her. A few weeks later he introduced them to another girl that he had started dating. He is still seeing this girl it has been a little over 2 months and he took them on a trip to her parents house for a weekend which I really didn't agree with after I found out. My son doesn't want to go to his dad's anymore it is a fight to get him over there when it is his dad's time with them. he tells me that he doesn't like this new girl and wishes he could spend time with his dad without her being there.  
I understand that I don't have much of a say on the situation but I just wish that my ex could take his kids feelings into consideration.  
I personally feel like he should wait at least 6 months of them being in a serious relationship before bringing our kids into it. They are still in the "honeymoon" stage when it's all new and exciting and no one knows what will come after that wears off. She is also pregnant and due soon(not with his baby) and I know that there is a possibility their situation may change once that happens. Our son is still adjusting to us not being together and still tells me every night that he wishes his dad was still here with us it breaks my heart. I just don't feel it is right throwing my kids into this new life with this girl when they are still adjusting to their mom and dad not being together. But I can not get my ex to agree with me. I am really just curious how other parents handled the situation.

as someone who experienced this as a kid I'd say wait a few months before introducing and much longer before moving in.  
I was a mature kid and soon after my parents divorced (I was 12) my dad would meet woman online and have me "meet" them by chatting online or the phone. He soon had a girl friend move in with him pretty much when I met her. It was weird and awkward from many different aspects but I dealt with it. Getting older and looking back I see how f***ed up the situation was and resent my dad for doing it.  
 
There should be lots of time for the ex to get to know if this new person is going to stick around for awhile and be an important part of their life before introducing to kids.  
I'd talk to the ex and tell him the kids are telling you they are uncomfortable with the new woman. Make sure you word it so he gets that its the kids who are not happy and that its not about you. Hope he listens and thinks about what's best for the kids.