Discussions

Hi,  
Just a question, can a child attend two different schools? one week in one, the next week in another out of town?  
See seperation has brought us to different cities and I really need some advice.  
 
Thank you.

I don't really think that is fair to the child(ren)  
Can you imagine being any age, except maybe preschool, where being in a different school each week would make school easier?  
School is stressful enough for children, speaking from memory. Different ages would be different stresses.  
 
I think it's hard, but in separation you really need to put the child's interests first, and your needs/wants last.  
I don't know what I would do in your situation though.

Any school would even allow this - how would any teacher plan around that kind of schedule?  
 
Not to mention it is not fair to ask them to accommodate such back and forth. Neither teacher would have any real time to get to know the kid, thus missing any red flags in their learning, it would certainly be negating the kids' experience. Not to mention that kind of back and forth will most certainly stunt the kids' personal growth too.  
 
Like the other poster said, you have to think of the child first, before any parents' petty differences.

Can't see that working. Even with shared custody, a child usually has to have a primary residence for an address. For that reason only I would guess that it would be at that address for which school division or school catchment that they would want the child to attend. Then you would have to apply for a school of choice. But to "straddle" two schools would not fly with any division. Schools don't share kids, because then this kid would be counted twice in the books for Manitoba's department of Education. Besides, the workload of always trying to "catch-up" with the previous weeks work (twice over) for each school would make the kid miserable.  
 
You can always ask, but I think it would be a big NO.  
 
Just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Even though teachers have a certain curriculum to teach for each grade, they don't all cover the exact same stuff, and at the same time. I'm sure it's not allowed, and even if it was, it would definitely NOT be in the best interest of the child. As parents you'll need to work together to provide the best care for your child. If that means one of you has to relocate, then that's the way it is. Children need stability.

thank you for all your kind words and understanding. He is in a really good school with his father right now, and with his disability it is hard to find a school that fits. However he wants to come home. I am without words how i feel right now. He has accompished so much while staying with his father, the school is terrific. here he was failing miserably cause of my work load and hours. He needs attention and there he gets it. I am scared if he comes back home the same routine will happen.  
what would you do?  
Yes he wants to come home, but his achievments have been terrific I am so confused right now.

I think, and just my opinion!, if he is high needs and does best academically in that school he should stay there. If he is missing you then you need to go to him. Maybe you can't move, but you can spend extra resources, time and money, to go see him as much as possible. You and the father need to put aside your differences and make a flexible plan so the child gets to spend time with both parents.  
I know it's way easier to say on paper than to do. But they are only kids for so long, and they deserve a healthy, happy relationship with both parents and a good start for their futures.

yes we do hang out with him when I go get him. We do put aside our differences in order for him to see his parents together and laugh.  
I think he misses home, I am mom. He just went back to his dads from a 2 week visit from me. So i would think it would be hard to adjust.  
I can't move to the same location as his father due to personal reasons. He is a terrific father and dad to our son and we are good to eachother when we need to be or when it comes to our son.  
recently he just got a new girlfriend so he is acting different. maybe that is why son wants to come home? what do you think?

It sounds like it's YOU he's missing. I would suggest doing what you can to see if you can relocate to where he is. If that absolutely can't be done (personally, I would sacrifice everything to be with my child), then you need to work hard at making sure you speak with him daily and visit as often as you possibly can. It sounds like where he is where he needs to be in terms of his best interests, so you'll need to be supportive of him staying there.

yes we do hang out with him when I go get him. We do put aside our differences in order for him to see his parents together and laugh.  
I think he misses home, I am mom. He just went back to his dads from a 2 week visit from me. So i would think it would be hard to adjust.  
I can't move to the same location as his father due to personal reasons. He is a terrific father and dad to our son and we are good to eachother when we need to be or when it comes to our son.  
recently he just got a new girlfriend so he is acting different. maybe that is why son wants to come home? what do you think?

Really sorry for your situation, it must be tough.  
Just wondering how old is your son? I'm sure he is missing you and a new girlfriend in the picture will be taking some of Dad's attention and he may feel left out.  
Hope you can work this out, good luck.

he is 9 years old, very tough year for a change as development is so important.  
His father and I decided today that we are going to keep him in school located with his father. As it would be a shame for him to relocate again, and this school is wonderful. I do attend parent meetings and get there as often as I can to talk with teachers or even meet him for a supper for an evening.  
As a mother this was a very tough decision, it kills me but I had to put my wants aside and do whats best for my boy. I just hope he does not rebel, but with the best education for him, i think that would be his greatest benifit.  
ugh lifes challenges.  
My heart is heavy today.  
 
Thank you all for posting, with your encouraging words of wisdom and leadership.  
 
xo have a wonderful weekend.

My cousins daughter does the one week with mom and other with dad. Opposite ends of Winnipeg. Dad has to get her to and from school that is by moms house.

I am impressed with the cooperation of the parents in this situation.  
 
I am an advocate of the child, but I think the mother has nailed the diagnosis about the other woman in father's life being upsetting for the child. Is there a counselor involved yet? When I separated, the school had a group of students go through "Changing Families" where they met once a week (for six to eight weeks?) and discussed what was happening and how it made them feel and what they should do about any negative problems they may be experiencing now and in the future. If there is not an official group, having the school counselor aware of the situation so that guidance could add to what the parents have determined to be best for the child this year. The counselor can re-enforce the concept that the mother has not abandoned the child and maybe suggest a few ways to encourage that mother-child relationship.  
 
The only other suggestion I can make is for the mother to discuss the situation with supervisors at her workplace. Would it be possible for her to cut back by ten to twenty percent (i.e., Wednesday afternoons off or off early) without jeopardizing her career? That would be child time where you would meet at the school (volunteer for the field trip?) and then cheer the child on at the sports or music activity before or after a supper. The every week aspect may provide the stability that the child is seeking.  
 
The age and undetermined disability makes the use of a cell phone to be problematic. Does the child have access to a computer that could be used for communication with you? An email every night may also help with the feeling that nobody is interested in this child. It may also help with learning proper spelling. A friend on a trip in Europe would arrange a Skype visit with her eight year old. The father would have to assist with the connection, but then respect the privacy the child requires. I would not put the computer in the bedroom, but keep it out where its use can be monitored. The father can leave the room once the connection has been made. The same for an email account, he can help with the technical side of things but respect the child's right to privacy about the contents of the emails.