Discussions

I've always been a firm believer of he cheats with you he will cheat on you. What are his reasons for going outside the marriage? Does he not respect his current wife, mother of his child, enough to end it before cheating? Personally, I think that says a lot about his character. If you two do end up together and get past the honeymoon stage will he cheat on you when things get hard. Because trust me. Things will get hard. How will you ever trust him? If he does leave his wife for you, they will forever be involved w each mother as they share a child. How will it make you feel she will still be involved in your lives? Are you scared he will have a change of heart and go back to her to do right by the child??  
 
So far your whole relationship has been built on lies and mistrust with him. Who wants that? Sounds like a lot of drama...I'd probably ditch him and find someone who isn't already involved and start off on a healthy note. Not on lies and deceit and cover ups.

He's using you as the other woman. He's a guy that has other women.  
 
Here's an analogy...Would you hire a guy who did time for theft to watch your store? He only did it the one time...well only stole from one person over a long period of time, but he promises he won't steal from your store...your store is special, this other store wasn't paying him enough or he just didn't like it...but instead of quitting he figured he'd just steal from them until he found a different job...he's an otherwise straight arrow...  
 
You wouldn't. I'd think about the years he's stealing from both of you right now. How much time will you invest until he does this to you? Will you be angry? Surprised?

I could say ALOT about this thread, however I am not going to. But as someone who knows about these affairs all to well, I will say this.........what goes around comes around  
 
I hope his wife eventually gets the courage to leave his sorry ass. Affairs are a choice.

He's a loser, and you need to look at people that are NOT married. Move on, or your just as bad as he is.

carrying on a relationship with a MARRIED man.....I don't think this needs any more explanation what so ever! The moment you found out he was married you should have high tailed it. Not that it's any less his fault. Once a cheat always a cheat...I don't like that stigma but ask yourself this......if he becomes unhappy with you what do you think he'll do if he's doing that to his current wife.

it is new relationship for you and all is fun game especially be the other woman but ask yourself if you'll regret be with him in the future for long term relationship.  
Later you should know pick up the hints once he starts cheating on you

Only thing as bad as a man who doesn't have the guts to leave a relationship before starting a new one is the woman who agrees to be the "other woman". The cheating men are despicable , but what is wrong with these women...why would anytime want to be a part of something like that? There's nothing you can say to justify being the other woman, just like there's nothing anyone can say to justify cheating. If you're not happy then get out, clean up one mess before jumping into another one. As far as I'm concerned you guys deserve each other!

What you have is not a relationship. What you have is an affair. He will either make up with his wife because they have a kid together or he will play with you until something better comes along, or till he gets bored. In reality you are probably a huge joke and you are being played. I'd somewhat feel bad for you if you were not aware that he was married, but if your stupid enough to continue this knowing he has a child and so do you that just proves how selfish you are being. Are you willing to put your own child through what his daughter must be going through right now, because it will happen. Disgusting.

Shots fired. Ouchy  
 
My opinion. Walk away. You're gonna get labeled as a home wrecker by many people. Called names like the above post.  
 
Marriages break down. He should really leave his wife before he starts up something else. If you really like him that much tell him you want to take a step back until he gets his stuff figured out with his wife.  
 
For the record I don't think you're a slut. I think you've got caught up in something pretty complex and when emotions are involved judgement gets clouded.  
 
I do think it will be hard for you to ever trust him. Hopefully it's worth it...  
 
Good luck.

I call it like I see it ,like my mom used to say "if quacks like a duck,walks like a duck its propably a duck" .one of the problem these days is everybody treats people who do bad things with "kiddy gloves"

once you found out he was married, you should have taken a step back. If he was unhappy in his marriage, he should have left it or gone to counselling to try to repair it. He has a small child who's life is about to be turned upside down. Its not to late for you to do the right thing and walk away, dont be the "other" woman, find a nice single guy and be the "only" woman. He is a cheater, and a liar, those character flaws are a red flag.

Sent you a pm. Please read

You have no respect for yourself. Once you found out he was married - get out.  
 
He is a cheater, always will be, so when he cheats on you, we get the story again?

Who is going to get hurt over this if one of the children comes to like you or the man......the children, think about them.

I don’t know the entire story but you mentioned he has a little one at home. I will assume he is still living at home with his wife. Chances are he will stay there as divorce would cost him a whole lot more, plus he already has everything he wants, his home life/wife/child and a mistress when he gets stressed out! He will tell you everything you want to hear and as it sits...your sitting at home hanging on by a thread! I think you are smarter then that since you’re questioning things already. Do the right thing, you made a mistake and move on! Something better than you ever dreamed will come along. Just the fact that he said she would like to work it out is incredibly weird! Stringing you along I would say but I could be wrong. Best of luck to you and your child in your decision.

First off, I do not think name-calling you or the others involved is fair or constructive. I'm not sure by what you posted if you knew right off the bat that he was married or if he kept it a secret long enough for you to fall for him. Regardless, the whole relationship you have with him is based on a lie. I'm not sure how you could go on and trust him whether he leaves his wife or not. Likewise I'm not sure how he could trust that you wouldn't be someone else's other woman at some point if you did in fact know what you were getting into. I think the lack of respect is sad. Again IF you knew...the lack of respect for his child, for a fellow woman and for yourself shows you may need to work on yourself a bit before getting into a relationship. You need to realize that you are worth more than being another woman...you deserve someone who doesn't have doubts that he wants you and only you. It can't feel good to be an option if things don't pan out. I hate to bring your daughter into it but I am going to. I hope your daughter grows up knowing that she is worthy enough to have a partner who treats her better than he is treating you and his wife. One of my parents cheated on the other. I am thankful that I was an adult and already in a good relationship of my own because if I was an impressionable child it may have negatively affected any future relationship I had. No relationship is easy but one based on lies and deception from the start is going to make your life a lot harder than it should be. Saying goodbye isn't easy either but I believe one day you will see why you had to.

I appreciate everyones comments and opinions. Right now he is staying part time with me and part time with his buddy from work. I'm not proud of what's happened. I don't even know if this is my decision to make.

Sent you a pm.

Another thing not added was how long the wife knew about you two. And if they were already in a separation

Maybe one day someone else will repay you with the pain his wife and child are going through and then and only then will you be able to understand what you are doing and the pain you both are contributing to. Making a hard situation just that much harder. He will find another "mistress" but at least you can feel good about yourself by having nothing to do with it.

I will share my story and let you decide. When I was in my early 20's I started seeing a guy from work. It just kind of happened after a night out with a bunch of coworkers. He told me how much he had liked me for some time. He was engaged though! I was young and naïve and believed all of his words about how he would leave her for me. We even attended our work Christmas party together, she was on one side of him and I was on the other. She had no idea.  
 
Fast forward a bit and he broke it off with me. I was devastated (I hadn't had many boyfriends at that point in my life at all). It made things difficult at work but I distanced myself from him. He did end up leading me on again and I jumped at the glimmer of hope to be with him again. Needless to say I got dumped again. I decided at that point that I was going to stand up for myself. One night while he was working I called her and asked to come over - she knew me after all. So I went over and sat face to face with her and told her what had been going on. I was never more terrified in my life. She cried and told me she wanted nothing more than to punch me in the face (she didn't). I left that night and felt I had done the right thing. It was not right for him to do this to either one of us and I apologized to her for my part in it but it was ultimately not all me. Work obviously got very weird and his wedding was called off. He was not happy by what I had done. It created some issues and brought some other friendships to an end as well.  
 
Fast forward a year or so when we both attended an old co-workers wedding social. I kept my distance but he ended up coming up to me later that evening and thanked me for what I had done. He didn't want to be married and the two of them were obviously no longer together. He told me he had the affair with me because he wanted out, he wanted to get caught, he apologized what he did to me as well. I forgave him for what he had done as I learned a lot from that experience.  
 
Now my question to you is what is he running from, is this what he does when times get tough at home? I can tell you I would never be "the other woman" again. I have learned over the years to value myself and to not settle for someone like that. If I were you I wouldn't either.

They were still together when she found out. I found out shortly after I met him that he was married. He's a great guy and I do hope for a future for us. I just don't know if it's practical to think it will last

MindyLasson24 said "I appreciate everyones comments and opinions. Right now he is staying part time with me and part time with his buddy from work. I'm not proud of what's happened. I don't even know if this is my decision to make. "

It upsets me that he basically is allowed to choose who he wants because you are sticking around to find out who he picks AND letting him live with you in the mean time. So if he goes back to his wife he's just going to up and move out of your house and back in with her? The decision that you get to make is whether to let him to continue living and being with you and whether to allow yourself to continue being part of this. He has a family to worry about yet can't commit to leaving his wife or leaving you. Sounds like a terrible game. I truly hope either you or his wife gain the confidence needed to end it without needing his approval to do so.

I was just in a similar relationship...it was killing me and I felt like the door matt, the fun time when he wasn't with his family. Yet I wasn't allowed to be a part of his life and he still listened to everything his wife said.  
I suggest leaving this situation. You do not want to be in a relationship if you already are questioning it.  
he needs to figure out what he needs, and what he needs to do before you will ever be fully allowed in.  
just leave and find something new.  
'love' in the beginning is not 'in love'. don't fall for that word, it is just a word not a feeling when a relationship is young.

You said: "We are still in the honeymoon stage of our relationship after all. What are the chances we will live happily ever after?" Statistically, less than 10% of relationships started while still in a relatiohsip with someone else last. So there's approximately a 90% chance you will NOT live happily ever after.  
You also said: " I don't even know if this is my decision to make." Of course it is. YOUR actions are YOUR decision.  
You also said: "He's a great guy and I do hope for a future for us. I just don't know if it's practical to think it will last." If he is such a great guy and you hope for a future together, kick him out of your house and tell him to contact you in 6 months when he still single and has his sh!t together.

Tink1234, you said: "I truly hope either you or his wife gain the confidence needed to end it without needing his approval to do so."  
 
Actually, I hope they BOTH do!

MindyLasson24 said "I appreciate everyones comments and opinions. Right now he is staying part time with me and part time with his buddy from work. I'm not proud of what's happened. I don't even know if this is my decision to make. "

You don't even know if it's your decision to make? Any self-respecting female would never have let it go this far. You are one of two people contributing to screwing up several lives. On purpose.  
 
Stop being selfish and think about what your involvement with daddy is doing to the kids.  
 
No healthy, stable relationship can come from this.  
 
Buddy Boy needs to learn to be single and on his own. No decent human being jumps from a spouse's bed to a stranger's bed.  
 
You need to find some self respect and snap out of the honeymoon phase.  
 
And I'll say it, shame on you for continuing to contribute to this affair. Adultery and wrecking homes with children isn't all fun & games. Take your issues to a therapist.  
 
Like another poster said, too many kid gloves used these days.  
 
You're not a victim. You're a willing participant.

This type of situation is so common now it's ridiculous.

Go and talk to a counsellor to help you get perspective. Be totally honest with them or it won’t help. If you can’t afford one or don’t have an employee assistance program, try the women’s resource Center.  
 
Take care