Discussions

Totally out of touch with how much to give for a wedding gift.  
Am invited to one this summer, it will include supper and dance.  
Relationship to groom is great-nephew (really don't know him that well).  
Any advice/suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks.

was to calculate how much bride & groom would be paying for your meals & double that amount, add extra if open bar

I have always done what jello said. Usually ends up to being a 100 bucks as most meals are 25 a plate

Thanks for the info, but how would you be able to figure out how much for meals?  
Wedding is in another community 5 hrs. away, no clue how expensive the meal would be.

When I got married it didn't matter what amount we were given. That didn't matter to us. The last few weddings we gave $40-$50 & a nice card.

Have usually given $100 minimum for a couple not known that well.  
$150-$200 to a couple that's closer  
And much more than $200 if it's a direct, close to me relative that I really know well on a daily basis and care about deeply. Lol.  
 
It's a tough call.  
 
In the past, close relatives on the receiving end seem to be appreciative of any cash gift, but $100 is bare minimum for me.

I usually buy a dress to attend the invitation of a wedding which is more than the cost the plate. So who decides to make a rule for gifts, to me you give what you want, what you feel like or can afford, this is your money you make your own rule with it same as the bride and groom making their own plan and expenses for their wedding. They invited you to celebrate with them. No one should call each other cheap.

I give $50 to all weddings I go to and $100 if I know them well. It shouldn't be about the money anyways. P.s. If it's a free bar I usually add what I think we would drink or a little more

The going amount was $100 when I got married 10+ years ago.  
 
But I don't understand the logic of "double the meal"... it's supposed to be a gift to help start their lives together, not a contribution to the party. The social is supposed to raise money for the party. The costs of the party is largely dependent on what the bride and groom chooses. How much they spend on the party shouldn't be contingent on gifts from their guests, and I get annoyed if I know that's how my gift is being spent. If they go into debt for the party, they overspent.  
 
Or am I just being old-fashioned, and that's just how things are done now days?  

1 chance said "I usually buy a dress to attend the invitation of a wedding which is more than the cost the plate. So who decides to make a rule for gifts, to me you give what you want, what you feel like or can afford, this is your money you make your own rule with it same as the bride and groom making their own plan and expenses for their wedding. They invited you to celebrate with them. No one should call each other cheap. "

I don't understand the logic of even bringing up the cost of a new dress you might have to wear or figuring out the cost of their meals. Your dress cost is not their responsibility, nor should the meal have any play.  
 
 
Just give the couple what you can afford and give them good wishes. If they are reasonable people, they will be appreciative of all any any gifts received. You say that in your post, but why bring up a cost of a new dress?  
 
Oh well, to each their own.  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Edited by Kellye, 2016-04-02 11:54:02

I'm getting married next summer. I'm inviting people that I want to share my special day with. I will appreciate anything that the guests give to me and my fiancé however I will not be upset if we don't get gifts as that is not the expectation. I say give what you can if you'd like, if not that's fine too. You're being invited to share the day

I usually spend $50-$100... If I don't want to give cash I do a gift basket(favourite alcohol and matching glasses or date night themed) I have seen various gifts given and I think they all are appreciated, if you can only afford $20, do $20. I don't think there is a formal rule to go by anymore.

There is way way to much emphasis placed on money and value of gifts these days. That is not what a wedding is about.  
When we got married we had gifts ranging from $20 to $500. We also just had cards with well wishes in them. It did not matter to us, as we did not invite the people we wanted there to be there to give us gifts. We invited people so they could share in our day, and watch us get married.  
 
Give what you can that fits in to your budget. We are also going to a wedding this summer, and we are on a very tight budget right now, so the gift will not be very large. We are attending to support the people in their marriage, not to support them financially.

Here I was thinking that if I am invited to a wedding, I am a guest, not a fund raiser to cover the cost of the wedding. If the bride & groom are expecting that, they should have scaled it back to something THEY could afford. Give what you are comfortable giving, you are there to help celebrate their day, not pay for it.

I have never given more than $50. even to a close family member.

It's funny how people think the wedding gift amount should cover costs for your meal, plus a bit more, but the way I see it is the total opposite. When I invited people for my wedding, I knew that they would be spending money on a gift as well as travel/hotel for a lot of them. For me, the least I could do was serve them with a good meal in thanks for coming to support us in our day.  
I think that way for any event if I am the one inviting people. For example, I've hosted anniversary parties for both my husbands parents and my parents, and I knew people would be spending money to be there, so the least I could do is feed them.

And also, don't forget that a lot of people that are at your wedding would also be at your social if you have one. They are putting out lots of money there, plus a gift for your wedding. And then there is the money people spend on showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties. People spend a lot when someone they know gets married, and they are attending all the events that go along with a wedding.  
 

Wow there are a lot of selfish cheapskates on here, glad I didn't have to invite you to my wedding.  
 
Yes you give what you can but do you want to be remembered as the person that helped start these peoples journey together with a smile or a couple of bucks to ease the sting of the party they are throwing and invited you too? They don't expect the money but it is at least nice to pay your way.  
 
And yes you spend money at their social but chances are very good they will spend money at your social

Garret said "Wow there are a lot of selfish cheapskates on here, glad I didn't have to invite you to my wedding.     Yes you give what you can but do you want to be remembered as the person that helped start these peoples journey together with a smile or a couple of bucks to ease the sting of the party they are throwing and invited you too? They don't expect the money but it is at least nice to pay your way.     And yes you spend money at their social but chances are very good they will spend money at your social "

When I throw a party as you call it and invite people I don't expect people to pay to attend. Based on your description I would suggest you didn't throw a party, you organized it but it was financed by the people who attended. I think you have confused who the selfish one is.

Garret said "Wow there are a lot of selfish cheapskates on here, glad I didn't have to invite you to my wedding.     Yes you give what you can but do you want to be remembered as the person that helped start these peoples journey together with a smile or a couple of bucks to ease the sting of the party they are throwing and invited you too? They don't expect the money but it is at least nice to pay your way.     And yes you spend money at their social but chances are very good they will spend money at your social "

I am paying to go to their wedding, not to finance the start of their lives together. They better have that figured out!

People are being a little cheap on this thread in my opinion. As a couple, we always give a minimum of $100. If we go to a wedding in a different city where it's more expensive we up the amount we give. We aren't married yet but really if we give people $100, when we get married I'm sure those people will give the same $100 back to us lol.

the CEO of an company invited will give more than min. wage friends. To each their own.

The wedding is a celebration, not a fundraiser. give what you can afiord or want to give-do not worry about what you "should" give.  
 
If the bride and groom need fundraising to pay for the wedding-then they should scale back on everything and have a more modest wedding.  
 
IMO paying out thousands and thousands for a wedding is a waste-use more of that money for the start of your married life and less of it on the wedding. A Fancy wedding won't make a better marriage.

Many people have commented that it's not a fundraiser or that people should only put on a wedding that they can afford. I agree 100%. But why is everybody assuming the wedding money is paying for the wedding? Everybody I know well and have talked to about wedding finances said they are usually blown away by how much money they receive as gifts and 95% of the time it's used on their house or on a vacation together. Most vendors make you pay at least half if not the full amount up front before your wedding.

That is the way to go! I am not saying I wanted the money, but what people sent us was unreal, because they didn't have to go to a shower, social and wedding.

Garret said "Wow there are a lot of selfish cheapskates on here, glad I didn't have to invite you to my wedding.     Yes you give what you can but do you want to be remembered as the person that helped start these peoples journey together with a smile or a couple of bucks to ease the sting of the party they are throwing and invited you too? They don't expect the money but it is at least nice to pay your way.     And yes you spend money at their social but chances are very good they will spend money at your social "

Years ago the part about "starting their journey together" might have been true, but it actually made me laugh out loud because I don't think it applies in modern society. Out of the last five weddings I have attended, all five couples had lived together for years before actually getting married. They have started their journey together quite a while ago and I assume they are pretty much set as far as needing "things". Calling guests cheapskates? Really?

JessieJay said "The wedding is a celebration, not a fundraiser. give what you can afiord or want to give-do not worry about what you "should" give.     If the bride and groom need fundraising to pay for the wedding-then they should scale back on everything and have a more modest wedding.     IMO paying out thousands and thousands for a wedding is a waste-use more of that money for the start of your married life and less of it on the wedding. A Fancy wedding won't make a better marriage. "

i fully agree  
 
weddings should be done keeping in mind the budget of the couple only, then every [i]guest[/i] can give what they feel they can afford, if you have to travel then your guests may not be able to afford as much, thats ok, because you should only invite people you actually want there anyway gift or no gift  
 
with that in mind, personally i give what i can, i try not to be cheap but im not breaking the bank going into debt or working an extra week ot just because you found love, really isnt that the real reason people get married?

Make the gift personal. Find old photos or write out stories of their life before the wedding from different points of view. This gift would become priceless.  

It sounds like some people have lost sight of what a wedding is about.....a celebration. If you are depending on what you are going to receive as gifts to have the event, then you are missing the point and could be setting yourself up to fall short. You should only have the celebration you can afford. I would never expect my guests to fund it. I would have no expectation for a gift and if someone chooses to......then it should only be what they can afford. It's terribly self centered to think everyone's financial capabilities can meet your expectations.

Sounds to me like there are very different opinions.  
 
My parents always "paid their own way", and extra depending on how close of relationship they had to the couple. This is the way I was raised and in turn do the same, and have encouraged my children to do the same.