Discussions

With the high cost of living it is very difficult for young adults to move out on their own. Would like to hear from other families in same situation if their kids pay rent, contribute to food, bills, and do household chores? What is fair for both sides?

My parents made a deal if you were in school you could live at home for free. If you decided to not go to school you paid rent. it wasn''t very much only like $250 a month but still. and your kids should always do house work in my opinion.  
 
Edited by MLA, 2017-10-11 10:16:41

an adult son living at home. He helps with family chores, sometimes we need to hound him, but he contributes. He also pays some rent now that he is done college. Though I do hope that soon he will grow his wings and fly on to the next stage of his life, I have to admit, I love him home.

my 24 y old son lives at ,pays 300.00/month and has to babysit ounce a month for free, buys his own personal stuff ,deodorant shampoo ect,works fulltime makes 15.50 /hour bank will only give 145k mortgage ,good luck finding house in Brandon with 145k

and as long as she stays in school and keeps her grades up, she can live at home as long as she wants. No free ride though. She has to contribute to chores and the household. I will say that my commitment is to give her a head start in adult life. Work when you can and save. Get an education and get a good job. I had to be out on my own at 17 due to circumstances beyond my control and my parents did not give me the head start young adults require. It had set me behind on a life trajectory and I have felt like I was trying to play catch up ever since! No failure to launch situations though!!

parents said as long as we were in school (post secondary of some sort) that we could live at home for free.  
 
If you adult child is working and not going to school I would expect them to contribute to groceries at the very least, further they should be doing household chores with no questions asked (their laundry, dishes, general cleaning of their space) and help with yard work.  
 
I do think that paying "rent" is important as well to get them ready for the real world. No such thing as a free ride

Have a son 28 yrs. old still at home...he works full time...is single. He pays $320.00 a month rent....he also has a car payment that he pays biweekly...and pays his own car insurance...with that said he does not have much left over for rent/mortgage, hydro, water, cell phone, tv cable, food etc....he only makes maybe $14.00 an hour....so yeah I agree...how can my son afford to move out...we are in a situation where we are retired and would some day like to downsize to a smaller home....I certainly will not kick him out....because our economy is so much different from when I was a teenager...

I have my own opinion on this topic, but I'm probably going to be in the minority.  
 
I too had the option of staying home as long as I was in school when I was a young adult. Nevertheless, I chose to move out when I was around 21 or so, working 3 jobs (2 at minimum wage) to set off on my own. I also attended uni part-time. I had no car of my own, while I was home I shared a beater (and actually didn't really own a car until I was 24 and I had already bought a house), so I relied mostly on public transport or my own 2 feet. For reference, I'm now 40.  
 
I'm looking at some of these wages people are quoting, and I'm wondering why these kids are still at home. I mean, $15.50 a hour, at 40 hours a week, is over $30K a year, which isn't bad for someone starting out. Not fabulous, but do-able with some smart choices. For reference, min age is currently $11/hr, which translates into roughly $22K/year. Not sustainable for someone supporting a family, but for a single person? Possibly, depending on a lot of choices.  
 
I'm wondering if a lot simply boils down to lifestyle choices. I know my lifestyle wasn't fabulous when I moved out, but my observation among my millenial cousins, etc is that there's an expectation to maintain the same lifestyle when they move out. You can't. My brothers are considerably younger than I (both are millenials), and both were homeowners before they were 28 (one was 22 or 23), so I know it's not all millenials, but still...  
 
If you're only making $30K a year, you feasibly might not be able to afford a car loan. Why can't that person save up $4-5K and buy a reliable used car? (our newest car, bought earlier this year, is an 07 and cost us $3500 cash... our previous one was a 98 that we drove for about 16 years!!) Maybe you can't afford to buy a fancy house, but you can certainly pick up a little house or a small condo for under $150K (or even a trailer if that's your thing, but I would personally hold out for a house), if home ownership is a priority. Or you rent, and get a room mate if you want to save money and keep saving. Cell phones are probably a necessity, but how much are they paying? There's lots of options there, including using used phones and using a basic plan.  
 
I'm also wondering how many of these kids who are still at home, with minimal expenses, are saving. I mean, saving for school, for emergency funds, or for real estate. I did bounce back home after a messy break-up for 6 months after I moved out, but I scraped together everything I could during that time. I became a home owner at 23 as a result. If I had a kid making $30K a year, living at home, I would expect that of the $1500 they would be netting monthly they would save AT LEAST 50% and live on the rest, including some rent to me. $750/month doesn't seem like an unreasonable amount for a single person with minimal expenses to live on. It would also set them up for later, forming good habits and learning to live on less than their means.  
 
In some senses the economy *is* different - stable employment is harder to come by, for example - but a lot doesn't change generation to generation. Most of it comes down to choices. They can chose to take out a $20K loan for a car that does the same job as a $5K car (and don't argue that it "saves them repairs" because the repairs will almost universally be less costly than buying something at a greatly increased price). They can choose a more basic lifestyle. They can chose to work more now when they're younger and have fewer responsibilities to set themselves up for later, so they don't have to work as much in their 30's and 40's when they're potentially raising a family.  
 
So I guess I don't really have issue with the current trend of kids staying at home for extended periods if they have a clear goal in mind. Working hard, keeping a fairly simple inexpensive lifestyle to save money for a short-or-long-term goal, for example. But it irritates me to see young adults working full-time (or nearly so), and spending pretty much every dime they make on stuff. Not rent, not actual living expenses, but on clothing, electronics, eating out, booze, etc. They should not be incurring debt whatsoever. They should have a plan to get out of the parental home, either renting or buying but a plan. If they don't make enough at their current job, they either need to retrain, get another job, or get a second job.  
 
/soapbox

I wish some of you were my parents haha lol I had to move out at 17, was homeless at 18, and have been SLOWLY working forward ever since! Still a number of years later , I rent a decent place...paying monthly on a car (I hate the monthly payments), and scraping together some money for a possible down payment after I pay off my car (I walked for many years, but now a car is necessary) ...this will be a number of years down the road....I can dream the dream of owning a house! And someday I will....who knows when lol I think sometimes the BEST thing you can give your kids the the KNOWLEDGE about a budget, goals, credit, etc....I had to learn the super hard way (and still am learning) , and the hard way sucks... I wish I had the awesome guidance of parents to help put me in the right direction. 1 think I would do with my kids is make them pay rent, then save all that money for when they go and buy their own home..but that's just me

I charged my children rent as soon as they finished school..$300.00 a month...Rent was due on the 1st and each one of them was never late.....not saying anything until they were moving out, I gave them the money they had given me..it was a wonderful surprise for them and helped them realize how important being responsible is. Even when times were tough and one moved back home, I still charged saying I wasn't supporting him, and again he got a surprise when he moved out again...it isn't a hand out, but a hand up....

Why do parents charge so low for renting at home? The real world they would need about 750 with shared accommodation. Why not charge real world pricing, if you need a hundred bucks to cover their expenses bank the rest for them so it can be a down payment on a house or a pot to pull from when they find a place they would have a damage deposit, rent, money for furniture, etc. Is it teaching them anything if you charge $0-$300 in rent?

The best things my parents ever did was push me to move out, it's cozy and easy to stay at home. Life is hard and they will fall down and that's where you step in and help them back up. I moved back home a few times, I learned my lessons, that life was tough and nobody was going to hand me anything, my parents gave me a hand up but never a hand out. The younger generations seem to have missed this lesson, in most cases you will not start your first job out of school making $100K year, but you work hard and put in your time and you will EARN that 100K or more.  
The first time you move out will most likely not be into your first house (at least not for 95% of us). It will be a tiny apartment and probably with roommates, you will learn how to budget and be an adult. The comment about the child only being approved for a mortgage of 145K but not being able to get a house for that makes me chuckle, why not a mobile, they are in that price range?!?  
Yes cost of living is high, but that is never going to change. Be there for your kids when they fail but push them out that door, best thing you can do for them.

Why would any of your kids grow their own wings if they don't have to?  
 
I am very proud to say that our 21 year old daughter bought her own brand new car at 19, paid for most of her 2 years of college (we paid a couple grand for her 2nd term of the first year), she lived at home with her mom until she finished her schooling, paid her mom rent, worked 2 jobs, and saved up enough for a down payment on a house. This past May her and her boyfriend of 3 years bought their own brand new townhouse. They had enough cash saved for her lawyers fees and taxes. Her boyfriend also makes payments on a new truck. Everyone pitched in and pretty much furnished the place for them with used furniture. They are working hard doing an amazing job. She is still working 2 jobs waitressing and looking for work in the field she went to school for. Her mother didn't have much to offer her except a place to stay while she went to school and we couldn't offer much more than the couple grand for her 2nd term. She did it, mostly all on her own and is proud of what she has accomplished in her young age.  
 
We have one more child at home and we hope we can instil the same work ethics and determination in her as well. No way she will be living at home past 22!! Lol

I had no choice but to move out at 17. I had graduated high school in a small town and wanted to continue my education, so I had to move.  
 
It sure wasn't easy, but it makes you appreciate what you have.  
 
Yes, my dad bought me a brand new car when I turned 16 (farming was great back then), and I never took care of it, finally drove it till it was out of oil.  
 
When I had to buy my own car - I sure took care of it a lot better than one that was given to me. Yes, I hated those payments too. But, their was pride in doing it on my own and looking after it properly.

The way it worked with my family is that I could stay rent-free while I was attending school and after that I paid rent monthly (but far less than what you would usually pay). My Mom and I are always at each other's throats when we live together so I moved out. When I moved back in but with my inlaws while my partner is at school a province over it turned out way better. We enjoy each other's company (their youngest left for school just this year so the house is a bit empty) and I try to help out when I can. Living with them instead of by myself or with some strangers really improved my mental health and I have a better opportunity to save up for my future with my partner!  
Long story short: it's on a case by case basis. I actually ended up moving back home a few times. It was only a couple of months until I found a job and a place to live but I don't know where I'd be without a 'homebase'. Now, if the adult child is unemployed and not in school they may need to be kicked out at least to get their butt in gear. But I think that living with your family as an adult can be a mutually enriching experience and help the child get a leg up in these economically difficult times. Hell, it may even be useful to the parents to have some extra income going towards the bills. Also, roommates that probably won't rob or murder you haha.

The legal age of majority in Manitoba is 18. Our family's philosophy has been to teach our kids how to be self sufficient by the time they reach the age of majority. They had to do age appropriate tasks. In the younger years it started with packing and unpacking the dishwasher. Eventually in their late teen years they were responsible to clean their own rooms and do their own laundry as well as maintain common areas. Yes that included Saturday scrubbing of the toilet.  
 
We never gave kids an allowance for doing their chores. If they helped me to do a job away from home I always paid them as much as I could afford. They always made more working for me than anyone else.  
 
I never charged kids rent but expected them to do their share at home. I never had to pressure them to go out and get a job.  
 
It was their own choice to move out even during University years. They now are all home owners and gainfully employed. A couple of them moved out and back several times before they moved out permanently. We were happy to have them stay at home but realized it was in their best interest to learn how to be self sufficient.  
 
If they wanted to move back home we would welcome them. Their work ethic is such that if they did, they would contribute to the running of the household. It worked for us.  
 
I like the idea of other parents who charged rent but banked it until their children moved out with a down payment

Alot of the previous tips mentioned already we did.  
 
One thing we did with our child was, as soon as they understood what they could do with money, anytime they received money whether it be gift or whatever, they had to put half in the bank and the other half they used to save up for whatever they wanted to purchase.  
 
Let's just say, they have more in the bank now then their parents. Lol  
 
An adult now, living on their own, paying rent, car loan and saving for a house. I am one proud parent.

RC 123 just to be clear your daughter did not buy a house by hersef,she needed boyfriends income and help Abbysmum-housingmarket was totally diferent 16 years ago,100k house was move in ready ,now 150k house is a piece of crap that needs 50k of work ,or is in a bad part of town,do some research before you make uneducated statements,i kind of feel sorry for your kids ,they are still your kids even after they are 18,in few years when they do not visit you or phone you will wonder why

cdog said "RC 123 just to be clear your daughter did not buy a house by hersef,she needed boyfriends income and help Abbysmum-housingmarket was totally diferent 16 years ago,100k house was move in ready ,now 150k house is a piece of crap that needs 50k of work ,or is in a bad part of town,do some research before you make uneducated statements,i kind of feel sorry for your kids ,they are still your kids even after they are 18,in few years when they do not visit you or phone you will wonder why "

I just looked extensively at the market, including Virden, Souris, Minnedosa and you will not get a house, a condo or a trailer for that the price of $150,000.  
 
They are in terrible shape - fix up costs would be enormous.  
There are also "very few" in that price range.  
 
Edited by Brenda, 2017-10-12 06:41:12

Abbysmum said "I have my own opinion on this topic, but I'm probably going to be in the minority.     I too had the option of staying home as long as I was in school when I was a young adult. Nevertheless, I chose to move out when I was around 21 or so, working 3 jobs (2 at minimum wage) to set off on my own. I also attended uni part-time. I had no car of my own, while I was home I shared a beater (and actually didn't really own a car until I was 24 and I had already bought a house), so I relied mostly on public transport or my own 2 feet. For reference, I'm now 40.     I'm looking at some of these wages people are quoting, and I'm wondering why these kids are still at home. I mean, $15.50 a hour, at 40 hours a week, is over $30K a year, which isn't bad for someone starting out. Not fabulous, but do-able with some smart choices. For reference, min age is currently $11/hr, which translates into roughly $22K/year. Not sustainable for someone supporting a family, but for a single person? Possibly, depending on a lot of choices.     I'm wondering if a lot simply boils down to lifestyle choices. I know my lifestyle wasn't fabulous when I moved out, but my observation among my millenial cousins, etc is that there's an expectation to maintain the same lifestyle when they move out. You can't. My brothers are considerably younger than I (both are millenials), and both were homeowners before they were 28 (one was 22 or 23), so I know it's not all millenials, but still...     If you're only making $30K a year, you feasibly might not be able to afford a car loan. Why can't that person save up $4-5K and buy a reliable used car? (our newest car, bought earlier this year, is an 07 and cost us $3500 cash... our previous one was a 98 that we drove for about 16 years!!) Maybe you can't afford to buy a fancy house, but you can certainly pick up a little house or a small condo for under $150K (or even a trailer if that's your thing, but I would personally hold out for a house), if home ownership is a priority. Or you rent, and get a room mate if you want to save money and keep saving. Cell phones are probably a necessity, but how much are they paying? There's lots of options there, including using used phones and using a basic plan.     I'm also wondering how many of these kids who are still at home, with minimal expenses, are saving. I mean, saving for school, for emergency funds, or for real estate. I did bounce back home after a messy break-up for 6 months after I moved out, but I scraped together everything I could during that time. I became a home owner at 23 as a result. If I had a kid making $30K a year, living at home, I would expect that of the $1500 they would be netting monthly they would save AT LEAST 50% and live on the rest, including some rent to me. $750/month doesn't seem like an unreasonable amount for a single person with minimal expenses to live on. It would also set them up for later, forming good habits and learning to live on less than their means.     In some senses the economy *is* different - stable employment is harder to come by, for example - but a lot doesn't change generation to generation. Most of it comes down to choices. They can chose to take out a $20K loan for a car that does the same job as a $5K car (and don't argue that it "saves them repairs" because the repairs will almost universally be less costly than buying something at a greatly increased price). They can choose a more basic lifestyle. They can chose to work more now when they're younger and have fewer responsibilities to set themselves up for later, so they don't have to work as much in their 30's and 40's when they're potentially raising a family.     So I guess I don't really have issue with the current trend of kids staying at home for extended periods if they have a clear goal in mind. Working hard, keeping a fairly simple inexpensive lifestyle to save money for a short-or-long-term goal, for example. But it irritates me to see young adults working full-time (or nearly so), and spending pretty much every dime they make on stuff. Not rent, not actual living expenses, but on clothing, electronics, eating out, booze, etc. They should not be incurring debt whatsoever. They should have a plan to get out of the parental home, either renting or buying but a plan. If they don't make enough at their current job, they either need to retrain, get another job, or get a second job.     /soapbox "

I was exactly like you...I'd get off the bus and go to work walking by all of the new mustangs, Z24 cavaliers (that's how long ago it was) new honda civics. All my co workers always had cash, were always going to some place hot in the winter or skiing at Banff. I remember sitting around having lunch one day and I asked one of the guys if his parents were rich why was he working here? He was like "Rich? what are you talking about?" I said "you drive a Brand new Celica, you just got back from Mexico...I barely have money for the bus" he just kind of shrugged his shoulders and said "I don't know, I pay for everything myself"...It never occurred to me that a 27 year old would be living at home like a child. I honestly didn't even think of it. A couple of weeks later we were all going out and I got a buddy to pick me up...he said we had to grab a few more on the way. As we stopped by everyones house it started dawning on me that EVERYONE lived at home...I was the only one who had roomates and an apartment. Ryan was 31 and lived in his parents basement. I couldn't believe it, I remember telling my Dad "All these city kids live at home until they're like 40!! it's crazy!"

Yes my daughter bought her house with the help of her boyfriend but I have to say 2 -21 year olds buying a brand new built $300,000 townhouse with no cosigners both working restaurant jobs is pretty amazing. And if she didn't have boyfriend she would have bought something less expensive. They did this all on their own with no help and it was a surprise for all of us. We are all so proud of what they have accomplished which was the reason all sets of parents contributed to furnishing it for them.  
 
What I am getting at is it can be done if you truly put your mind to it. Too many excuses on here. If they have to live in a dump to start with so be it, but living at home at 28 is not an option. I moved out at 19. It was hard, some nights I ate crackers for supper but I worked multiple jobs and rent and bills were always paid.

I was always allowed to move back home during summers from university and did not pay rent, or for groceries. However, my summers were spent working a full time job and two additional part time jobs so I could make enough money in four months to pay for my entire school year - tuition, rent, groceries, etc. The only thing I didn't pay for during school was a car - I did pay for the fuel and repairs. My parents let me use their vehicle (an old junky car not brand new) as long as I was going to school. My summers were spent working from 7am to 10pm almost every single day to make enough money for the rest of the year. I never had to get student loans or accept help (other than the car) from my family. I had so many friends who would not even work one full time job each summer and had their parents pay for their tuition, rent and groceries. For me that wasn't even an option and it taught them nothing about working hard for their education. I would be so embarrassed and ashamed if I relied on handouts from my parents constantly.  
It was nice to know that I could always move back home though in the summers or after I graduated until I found a place to live. Heck even to this day (I'm 28) I know that if we were very financially stuck we could sell our house and move into my parents basement - we've owned our house for 5 years now and we won't do that because we have enough money saved for 6 months if either of us lost our jobs. It's funny when I look back on university I thought I was so poor and now that I have a house I feel even more poor. However we make ourselves feel poor so that we don't spend money on stupid things. It was a huge priority for us to get our emergency fund established and to have money in investments (I've been investing since the day I turned 18, even though it felt like putting $50/month away wasn't possible at the time).  
I think parents who don't make their children work for their education or make their kids work multiple jobs to get ahead are setting their kids up for failure. Children need to learn how to budget and manage their money. Parents can be a safe place to fall back on, but shouldn't let their children stay home forever. This is why our generation is called lazy millennials. I absolutely hate that stereotype as it does not apply to everybody and I busted my butt to provide a life I was comfortable with.

WOW I cant believe how many kids live at home in the city till they are in there mid 20's. When I was in highschool I worked an afterschool job and on weekends, then I decided that I would rather work than go to school so I got enough credits to graduate 6 months early and put away about 10 grand to go to school with. By the time I was 18 I already had a start. At that age all I wanted was to be out on my own and to be able to make my own choices (albeit many of them failures) but I learned that way. I can't understand who would want to live with mommy and daddy at 20 years old, to me and where I grew up that would just be plain embarrassing.

The expectation for us kids was to attend high school and graduate (hopefully obtain a scholarship for secondary education). Growing up in a single parent home we witnessed the struggles of our Mother working two sometimes three jobs to make sure the bills were paid, food on the table. We were taught at an early age to live within our means (no extra amenities, costly sports, or extra school activities that were costly, including graduation tux/gowns). At 15yrs/16yrs of age we were working part time hours at minimum wage jobs trying to save for College/University. My brother quit high school to work as a labourer and lived at home: he was expected he pay rent, half the bills and buy his own groceries pay for his own vehicle and any other luxuries (cell phone, internet). In his job he worked hard at a young age and saved money to later on buy into the business he worked for-not many people are able to quit high school at Grade 9 and 10 years later become a successful business owner/operator. I was able to obtain scholarships to attend school full time, also worked full time and saved enough money to buy my own vehicle and upkeep the vehicle (insurance, maintenance) which was great as I travelled 30min twice a day to work full time in the field I went to post secondary school for. For myself renting and having a roommate was the option I choose to save money and within 5yrs was able to my first (brand new) home and furnish it. We chose the lifestyle to work hard and save rather than work hard and play hard. We noticed the majority of our friends travelled, participated in school sports/events, attended concerts. It can be a matter of priorities and distinguishing between wants/needs in your life.

Why are parents worried about what conditions the children live in, what kind of house they can buy with their money etc? are they not an adult and can figure things out for themselves? My parents didn''t go house hunting or apartment hunting for me.  
 
I am shocked at the amount of people thinking adults (not children) are ok with living at home well into their 20''s!!  
 
Edited by weekend123, 2017-10-12 13:33:19

It's better to ask for physical labour instead of rent.  
 
The more money they save, the quicker they'll be out of the house.  
 
In terms of buying a house, prices increased due to parents "helping out". The extra money helped to inflate the market.

Yes, I’m sure parents helping out with down payments is what is raising housing prices. I’m glad that is cleared up.

I can’t imagine living at home in my 20s never been out in the real world. I moved out a week after I graduated high school, lived in an apartment with three other people and had to share a room, while going to university I also worked part time. Than I moved in with a boyfriend and we struggled, there was times we had to choose to pay bills or buy some groceries. Occasionally I borrowed money from my mom but always paid it back soon afterwards. I wouldn’t give up those experiences as they helped me grow up. I moved in with my mom for a few months than got back on my feet and went to collage. Lived on my own after school while working 2 jobs but am proud to say I lived 100% on my own not relying on anyone. Now at 31 my husband and I are in our second house ( yes the first needed lots of work which meant hard work and money but we put in the effort) we also have to pay for two kids in daycare.  
 
If I could live on my own at 24 than I think someone in their 20s can afford to at least live in an apartment with roommates and be a responsible adult.

I think you are a little confused housing prices went out of control thanks to greedy realestate agent over pricing homes and idiots paying to much for that home,it called "domino effect" look it up

I've had my fair share of apartments and my times moving home to get back on my feet, but once you learn how to budget and save and set up TFSA accounts and such it's really not hard. Last year I bought my own acreage, paid my own down deposit and lawyer fees in full without help. All it takes is learning how to save and realizing not everything is a necessity. Instead of a brand new car, go for used. Put tv on sleep mode in summer and go outside, that alone saves around 100$. Simple things to do!