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Getting Hit On By Strange Old Men

Getting Hit On By Strange Old Men

LJ
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 312

Joined: May 2007

Posts: 312

I understand why you are bothered by this.

3/14/2016 at 9:35 AM

Hummerduck said "
The past week or so, I've been hit on multiple times by older men, and each time it has been completely unsolicited. The first time was on the city bus, where a random man sat beside me, and struck up what seemed to be a harmless conversation at first, but then asked me for my phone number repeatedly, despite my making it completely clear that I wasn't interested. It got to the point where I had to switch buses because he made me so uncomfortable. Then, today at work, I took a man's order and he also proceeded to ask me for my phone number, stating that he wanted to take me for coffee.
I don't know why this is such an issue, especially considering I look MUCH younger than I actually am (20) and they're always men who are MUCH older than me. The first man seemed to be about mid-30's, but the man who harassed me at work was in AT LEAST his 50's!
All I want to know is, why the heck are these old guys hitting on what look to be 15-year olds (in my case), and what can I do to avoid this in the future? It's creepy as hell and makes me uncomfortable...
"

The customer just met you briefly at the counter and was already asking you out. How could he know you well enough as a person to ask you out if he has barely even spoken to you? If he doesn't know you and is still asking you out, then it would feel like is stalking his prey.

Because women are much more likely to be sexually assaulted than men, many men just don't get how this type of thing can really creep a woman out. You don't just get annoyed at that moment, but you feel vulnerable and it can bother you for quite a while.

Stay Positive
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 413

Stay Positive
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 413

Rude
3/14/2016 at 10:06 AM

I think a lot of people on this discussion are being VERY rude to Hummerduck. In no way is she implying anything. Unfortunately there is a lot of sick people out there (have you read the court reports on all the sex offenders, child porn etc.). I am 49 (female) and none of my guy friends are even remotely interested in someone that is 20, looks 15 etc. They all say that it would be like dating their daughter. Especially since these guys are so brazen in asking your number so fast that is an extra amount of creepy to me.
To the posters that have implied otherwise, maybe they are a bit creepy themselves!!!

traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

traveller

Joined: Jun 2007

Posts: 9145

3/14/2016 at 10:08 AM

LJ said "

Hummerduck said "
The past week or so, I've been hit on multiple times by older men, and each time it has been completely unsolicited. The first time was on the city bus, where a random man sat beside me, and struck up what seemed to be a harmless conversation at first, but then asked me for my phone number repeatedly, despite my making it completely clear that I wasn't interested. It got to the point where I had to switch buses because he made me so uncomfortable. Then, today at work, I took a man's order and he also proceeded to ask me for my phone number, stating that he wanted to take me for coffee.
I don't know why this is such an issue, especially considering I look MUCH younger than I actually am (20) and they're always men who are MUCH older than me. The first man seemed to be about mid-30's, but the man who harassed me at work was in AT LEAST his 50's!
All I want to know is, why the heck are these old guys hitting on what look to be 15-year olds (in my case), and what can I do to avoid this in the future? It's creepy as hell and makes me uncomfortable...
"

The customer just met you briefly at the counter and was already asking you out. How could he know you well enough as a person to ask you out if he has barely even spoken to you? If he doesn't know you and is still asking you out, then it would feel like is stalking his prey.

Because women are much more likely to be sexually assaulted than men, many men just don't get how this type of thing can really creep a woman out. You don't just get annoyed at that moment, but you feel vulnerable and it can bother you for quite a while.

"

many many times when a thread comes up about how someone saw a beautiful women or a really attractive man the main consensus is that instead of posting a thread hoping to connect they should have just asked them out. there have been other suggestions like struck up a conversation first or give your number out so they feel comfortable but the basic thought is just ask so i wonder how it goes from hey he thinks your cute to stalking your prey? that though process is a bit to much imo, not saying we are not all vulnerable and shouldnt take precautions but a guy asking you out should not bother you for quite sometime, if it does that is in your own mindset and really that is a sad way to live

LJ
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 312

LJ
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 312

traveller
3/14/2016 at 11:45 AM

You said:

many many times when a thread comes up about how someone saw a beautiful women or a really attractive man the main consensus is that instead of posting a thread hoping to connect they should have just asked them out. there have been other suggestions like struck up a conversation first or give your number out so they feel comfortable but the basic thought is just ask so i wonder how it goes from hey he thinks your cute to stalking your prey? that though process is a bit to much imo, not saying we are not all vulnerable and shouldnt take precautions but a guy asking you out should not bother you for quite sometime, if it does that is in your own mindset and really that is a sad way to live

It's hard to read what you are saying without caps.

Being asked out isn't creepy. But these two guys gave Hummerduck back vibes, and for good reason, in my opinion. Most women, including me, don't get scared simply from being asked out. But I also have been in situations where guys have creeped me out and I wouldn't want them to know where I live or work.

Some guys are good-hearted, nice men. And some are not. The percentage of women who are sexually assaulted in their lifetime is very high. How much can you get to know about a person based on "$2.75 is your change"? If a guy is asking her out based on that alone, he is more than likely not interested in her personality.
traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

:)
3/14/2016 at 12:25 PM

sorry grammar isnt my strong suit and for posts i really dont care. I also find most people can read what i say, those who absolutely need proper grammar have brains that focus to much on rules and tend to miss seeing the important issues, anyway....

My take on what the op is saying tho, is that the guy on the bus did creep her out and her side does sound creepy BUT, what i am saying is the guy at her work simply asked her out and unless there is more to the story it seems very strange that she is creeped out because she thought he looked in his thirties and she thinks she looks in her teens, maybe he is only 25 and she looks her age to him, thats not creepy at all.

working or being in public is part of life and even tho many women are sexually assaulted the majority are from people they know, you can not hide your whole life and every single customer knows where she works, many many have illnesses that she would never know about but that shouldnt make a normal person creeped out serving them, even if they asked for her number.

Likely the guy at her work isnt a creep at all he just thought she was pretty and thought maybe he would like to get to know her, hence the coffee date request, which as my post you quoted i think most people say go for it and just ask if she maybe wants the same, so she didnt no big deal, why shouldnt he ask? because shes to uncomfortable to say no? that is her issue then really, or isnt it?

did he maybe find her sexually attractive? probably somewhat, isnt that what "pretty" is usually, isnt that why we date? are we not supposed to be attracted to one another? maybe if she went he would have found out they dont match and the attraction wouldnt have grown, no harm in trying tho imo

to sum up what im saying is tho is that i think the op is being overly offended by the guy at McDonald's and i dont think girls need to be that zealous from a simple number request

Tamara79
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2102

Tamara79

Joined: Apr 2007

Posts: 2102

nah

3/14/2016 at 12:45 PM

traveller said "sorry grammar isnt my strong suit and for posts i really dont care. I also find most people can read what i say, those who absolutely need proper grammar have brains that focus to much on rules and tend to miss seeing the important issues, anyway....

My take on what the op is saying tho, is that the guy on the bus did creep her out and her side does sound creepy BUT, what i am saying is the guy at her work simply asked her out and unless there is more to the story it seems very strange that she is creeped out because she thought he looked in his thirties and she thinks she looks in her teens, maybe he is only 25 and she looks her age to him, thats not creepy at all.

working or being in public is part of life and even tho many women are sexually assaulted the majority are from people they know, you can not hide your whole life and every single customer knows where she works, many many have illnesses that she would never know about but that shouldnt make a normal person creeped out serving them, even if they asked for her number.

Likely the guy at her work isnt a creep at all he just thought she was pretty and thought maybe he would like to get to know her, hence the coffee date request, which as my post you quoted i think most people say go for it and just ask if she maybe wants the same, so she didnt no big deal, why shouldnt he ask? because shes to uncomfortable to say no? that is her issue then really, or isnt it?

did he maybe find her sexually attractive? probably somewhat, isnt that what "pretty" is usually, isnt that why we date? are we not supposed to be attracted to one another? maybe if she went he would have found out they dont match and the attraction wouldnt have grown, no harm in trying tho imo

to sum up what im saying is tho is that i think the op is being overly offended by the guy at McDonald's and i dont think girls need to be that zealous from a simple number request "

The op said the guy who bugged her at work was at least in his 50's.

Now even if I wanted to argue with the op and say that no she doesnt look as young as she thinks, and maybe the guy wasnt as old as she thinks I still would never encourage a woman who felt creeped out in any way to accept a date (even if coffee) with a man. In fact the opposite is taught to girls to keep themselves safe....trust your gut instinct. Often girls are taught to be polite and that can be dangerous. And maybe the guy in his 50's did find a girl who looks underage sexually attractive,

I do think girls need to be zealous in trusting their gut instincts. I dont think the issue is hers in anyway. If she wants to turn down and advances for any reasons what so ever, that is absolutely normal. If guys want to ask random strangers out, fine, but dont be surprised if some might find it creepy, and if the answer is no, leave it at that and move on.

Entropy
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 37

Entropy
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 37

...
3/14/2016 at 1:24 PM

These men, regardless of their age, saw a female they were attracted to and took a shot at it. These men went after what they wanted in life. It's wrong to hold that against them.
FYI... I'm approaching 35 and it seems like the older I get the more attention (looks and smiles) I get from young girls... even though I have lots of grey hair. Also, girls in my high school class used to joke about wanting to get with my dad... even though they were 16 and he would have been 45... Food for thought!

traveller
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9145

traveller

Joined: Jun 2007

Posts: 9145

3/14/2016 at 2:04 PM

Tamara79 said "

traveller said "sorry grammar isnt my strong suit and for posts i really dont care. I also find most people can read what i say, those who absolutely need proper grammar have brains that focus to much on rules and tend to miss seeing the important issues, anyway....

My take on what the op is saying tho, is that the guy on the bus did creep her out and her side does sound creepy BUT, what i am saying is the guy at her work simply asked her out and unless there is more to the story it seems very strange that she is creeped out because she thought he looked in his thirties and she thinks she looks in her teens, maybe he is only 25 and she looks her age to him, thats not creepy at all.

working or being in public is part of life and even tho many women are sexually assaulted the majority are from people they know, you can not hide your whole life and every single customer knows where she works, many many have illnesses that she would never know about but that shouldnt make a normal person creeped out serving them, even if they asked for her number.

Likely the guy at her work isnt a creep at all he just thought she was pretty and thought maybe he would like to get to know her, hence the coffee date request, which as my post you quoted i think most people say go for it and just ask if she maybe wants the same, so she didnt no big deal, why shouldnt he ask? because shes to uncomfortable to say no? that is her issue then really, or isnt it?

did he maybe find her sexually attractive? probably somewhat, isnt that what "pretty" is usually, isnt that why we date? are we not supposed to be attracted to one another? maybe if she went he would have found out they dont match and the attraction wouldnt have grown, no harm in trying tho imo

to sum up what im saying is tho is that i think the op is being overly offended by the guy at McDonald's and i dont think girls need to be that zealous from a simple number request "

The op said the guy who bugged her at work was at least in his 50's.

Now even if I wanted to argue with the op and say that no she doesnt look as young as she thinks, and maybe the guy wasnt as old as she thinks I still would never encourage a woman who felt creeped out in any way to accept a date (even if coffee) with a man. In fact the opposite is taught to girls to keep themselves safe....trust your gut instinct. Often girls are taught to be polite and that can be dangerous. And maybe the guy in his 50's did find a girl who looks underage sexually attractive,

I do think girls need to be zealous in trusting their gut instincts. I dont think the issue is hers in anyway. If she wants to turn down and advances for any reasons what so ever, that is absolutely normal. If guys want to ask random strangers out, fine, but dont be surprised if some might find it creepy, and if the answer is no, leave it at that and move on. "

ok opps i did get the ages wrong, i was thinking the guy on the bus was in his 50s and the guy at work was around 30.

reversing the age i actually find that the guy on the bus isnt as creepy, just way to pushy as 30/20 isnt way out of line, he made it that way by pushing her

personally i would have laughed at the old guy and thought he was making a joke because it is pretty far stretch for there to be a couple 20/50 who meet randomly asking for a number

i was also not suggesting the op go out with someone she didnt want to but just dont make a simple request for a date into a huge deal as long as they take the no politely as it is given then i dont see an issue with the guy trying

michelle
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 2611

michelle

Joined: Nov 2005

Posts: 2611

If it makes you uncomfortable...just say no

3/14/2016 at 2:31 PM

If it makes you uncomfortable, say no in an assertive way.

I disagree with Andrea D.'s advice totally. I think she generally has good advice, but this advice I disagree with.

Just be yourself and say you are not interested. You don't have to give a reason. If they persist, it is they that have the problem.

This is an issue that has likely persisted since the beginning of time. There is also a difference between harassment (continually) or a one time thing.

Hold your own.

..
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 109

..
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 109

Hummerduck?
3/14/2016 at 5:44 PM

alot of 35 year olds date 20 year olds, I get that you dont like it. Just say, I m only dating people my same age. Dont worry it wont last long, soon youll be the old one on the city bus