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Is this wrong? Am I not allowed to have friends? I left at 8am, came back at 5am. I didn't cheat, I didn't do anything technically wrong. Does that give the right to lock me out even though I supposedly live her, and beat me up. Well to him he didn't beat me because I wasn't bloody and dead on the floor but I've got some nice bruises. Hmmm. Figure this one out. He doesn't want this on FB so I'm gonna put it on eBrandon too so I can get public opinion. I banged at the door and flicked some switches on the utility box to get attention because it's 5 in the damn morning and no where to go. But apparently that's wrong too. Yes I hit him back but just to defend myself. So...am I wrong or is he wrong or is this just all a big huge blown out of proportion matter.

Are you guys married? If so I think marriage counselling would be in order. If your not married, I'd strongly suggest re-evaluating your relationship.....

If looking for sympathy it won't be found on here. Gone all day and night. I would be pretty pissed at my old lady if she pulled that. Not to the degree of what you guys escalated it to but never the less. Even my wife said that is wrong. There are a lot of holes in your story and if the roles were reversed can you handle him gone for almost 24 hrs just hanging with friends. Sounds sketchy to me.

Would you be with someone who has (is) using any form of physical abuse. No relationship is worth any type of physical harm to one another.  
 
Run, run, run!

What are you doing till 5 am???  
You would just do that once

Nope, not married. Been trying to re evaluate for the last 6 months. Just can't let go for some reason.

Why is it taking you six months to "reevaluate" a volatile, abusive relationship? Bruises, beatings, abuse, is that not reason enough? Leave, or stay and die, I guess the choice is up to you.

Well you have millions of reasons stated why you should NOT be together. You answered your own question.

know what happened, he allegedly assaulted you as you say and that in itself is wrong which you know as you wouldn't be posting on social media otherwise. He absolutely doesn't have the right to assault you because you rolled in at 5am, nothing warrants physical violence.  
 
Did you text, call or advise him you would be out that late? Did he know where you were? Again, no matter what you were doing doesn't give him the right to assault you.  
 
What type of opinion are you wanting? I am not clear what your question is exactly??

Assault is never acceptable. However gone for almost 24 hours. Did u communicate at all during that time. Did he know when u be home or where u are. Myself I start getting irritated if I dont hear from my other half after 4-5 hours.but I am protective and always worried about my other half safety. As for being locked out lol hell yeah. I wouldn't be sleeping with my doors unlocked no matter where i lived and if u live there where was your keys. Your brief des:cription leaves alot of holes and more questions. Honestly I would say he has every right to be mad but abusive hell no.

Fishin Guy said "If looking for sympathy it won't be found on here. Gone all day and night. I would be pretty pissed at my old lady if she pulled that. Not to the degree of what you guys escalated it to but never the less. Even my wife said that is wrong. There are a lot of holes in your story and if the roles were reversed can you handle him gone for almost 24 hrs just hanging with friends. Sounds sketchy to me. "

I agree with Fishin Guy and I am sure the bf will say a story you are not saying.

I also hate to say it but whether you were "defending" yourself or not, the cops won't see it that way when it comes to domestic disputes. You both can be charged for assault. What's that long time saying? "Two wrongs don't make a right?"  
 
As for everything else, I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure if I was gone for 21 hours and tried rolling in at 5am, my fiancé would have every right to be pissed at me and if I didn't have keys, well then I sure as hell wouldn't expect him to just let me in.  
 
Maybe grow up, give your head a shake, and realize you are just as much in the wrong. If you respect your relationship enough, this kind of crap wouldn't happen.

My common law and I have been together for 8 years, with children. He used to tell me when and where and if I can go anywhere. I've never cheated for him to behave this way, he has trust issues that need remedied. He could go out all night( and often does), and I don't really care that he does, I trust him enough, yet I still couldn't unless I asked permission( in more ways than one). Anyway, I sought out a marriage councillor. One of the best in Brandon. He told my husband that I don't need permission, I don't need to tell him when or where I'm going. I don't need to tell him when I'll be back( of coarse, to prevent him from worrying I could text or call), however we are two separate people, we can live separate lives, I can walk out the door and go wherever I please without having to consult him. It's not disrespect. If I trust him enough for him to go wherever he pleases without my knowledge, he can with me as well. He doesn't "own" me.  
Your bf shouldn't have treated you this way. I would not tolerate it either. Seek out help if the relationship is salvageable, or leave, but this behaviour is unacceptable.  
It appears that the entire story is perhaps not told, but in any case, his reaction was unnecessary.

Never should you tolerate abuse, ever! Neither man or woman...  
 
But, you were gone a long time. If you cared about your partner and were gone that long, did you bother to call or text him to let him know were you where and that you were ok? That is just respect to the other person in any relationship.  
 
what does...I didn't do anything technically wrong mean, in your post????  
 
If he does not want this on facebook, he likely does not want it on e-brandon either, so why are you throwing fuel on the fire? To make him madder. It is obvious, it does not matter what any of us, replying to your post say, you know yourself, you should not be in that relationship. Yes, maybe you need to hear some sympathy, but I don't see how you would get much by being gone so long.(I am not saying he was right to abuse you either) Maybe you need to talk to a counselor, priest, minister, close friend....  
 
I trust my husband to the fullest, but if he were gone that long without a text or call, I would be calling the police. That would be caring and concern, for one you are in a relationship with.  
 
Edited by Brenda, 2017-09-09 19:39:14

It sounds like you came in at 5 trying to start a fight? The light switch thing.. I think it is obvious he would be angry.. I think there is a whole lot more behind this. However there is absolutely zero excuse for physical violence. EVER. Which applies to both sides. If you decide to continue this relationship please seek out some professional help so the physical never happens again and to hopefully work through the issues that started that mess to begin with. Relationships are not easy. Good luck.

you must not care much for your partner if you think your leaving at 8 am and not returning till 5 am the next day is OK. ahhh what's the problem honeyyyyy.  
 
that is actually emotional abuse.  
 
he had every right to be pissed. locking you out was his way of telling you that. then you go off and start banging on doors yelling and flipping switches at 5 am in the morning. Your lucky he did not call the police.  
 
you were gone for almost 24 hours and you have not said if there was a phone call to him to explain what was going on. I suspect it is him that should be re- evaluating the relationship.  
 
if your married, get a divorce, if you got kids, see a councillor to see how you can go forward for the kids sake(maybe).  
 
if your just friends with benefits,I suspect he was thinking your out looking for another friend with benefits. if you were, go for it so he can get on with his life.  
 
knocking you around is still wrong in any ones book, but it sounds like he showed tremendous restraint if all you got was a few bruises. it could have been worse and you both windup in jail with assault.  
 
and remember this, we are only hearing your side of the story. I am sure he has his tale to tell, but again showing restraint again by not going public.  
 
no sympathy

Do any of those things, a good man would have love and respect for you and for himself & would never let himself treat anyone that way!  
 
This relationship seems to be missing both love & respect, it seems like staying out until 5am isn't a situation you both agreed on,  
 
It seems like the two of you are together for the wrong reasons, I hope someday you find real love & use this experience as an example of what you don't want, just an opinion, you asked.... but you probably back there putting up with it as usual because change is difficult

Is this really what the world is coming too? Your not 'allowed' to post it on Facebook so you posted here for public opinion? Really? Why does it need to be on social media at all? While It pains me to even respond because first it doesn't belong on social media and second I have a hard time believing much of what you have written I will say this: physical contact should be used to love on one another, not cause pain ever.  
 
My advise, you are not mature enough to be in a relationship. This relationship will never work, stop wasting yours and his time and move on.

Need to grow the hell up. Leave each other alone and BOTH get counselling for behavior issues

Sorry, but the last time I remember someone using the word "technically" when talking about a relationship was when former president Bill Clinton used it regaurding his relationship with Monica Lewinski.  
I have problems with that word in a relationship, better words to concentrate on would be communication, respect, and maybe what is morally correct.  
 
I wonder who took the first swing, maybe both need to be charged with assault as a good lesson in respect for other people, on all levels.

With Never Give Up.  
Being abusive towards each other. Is that how you want to remember yourself when you move on to a Healthy relationship?  
It's going to be impossible to live the life you dreamed of if you end up with a head injury or dead from abuse.  
Get OFF social media and call the COPS.  
I pray you choose to make better decisions, get respect for yourself, & get on with your life.

the Women's Shelter for counselling, They are the people to talk to, rather than here.

activex said "    Fishin Guy said "If looking for sympathy it won't be found on here. Gone all day and night. I would be pretty pissed at my old lady if she pulled that. Not to the degree of what you guys escalated it to but never the less. Even my wife said that is wrong. There are a lot of holes in your story and if the roles were reversed can you handle him gone for almost 24 hrs just hanging with friends. Sounds sketchy to me. " I agree with Fishin Guy and I am sure the bf will say a story you are not saying. "

I would never expect to pull that with my spouse and vise versa. I don't agree with the physical nature of this but perhaps you both have a lot to do differently in this relationship. I'm guessing you are both young? I find youngish folks don't think about the consequences of their behaviour in a relationship. Think about this if the shoe was on the other foot and your partner spent the day and night out would you be so happy about that? Especially if there was no communication all day long. I would be interested to hear the other side of this story. Cause there is always two sides to every story!!

Are definitely a lot of holes in the story. If you were gone that long, you either have a desire to be with someone else or you have an addiction problem. No normal person in a relationship thinks that that is OK. You also say you both were hitting each other. As stated above from other posters you were just as guilty of abuse as he is. Part of me wants to say get the hell out but then I think you will both find other people and it only multiplies the problem. Counselling might help you but I think you just need to grow the hell up!

There is absolutely no reason for anything to lead to physical violence. I've been with my fiance for 3 years and if he pulled this on me I would boot his butt so fast and hard out the door he wouldn't know what hit him. I go out all day and sometimes most of the night without my fiance. He doesn't ask me where I'm going or what I'm doing who I'm with ect. I am an adult, I will make those decisions on my own. Of course I let him know if I'm going to be out late but I don't HAVE to. He also goes out all day and night a lot of nights. Honestly I could care less, he's never given me a reason not to trust him and vice versa.  
 
If there are trust issues then they are his problem in your relationship. Abuse is abuse it doesn't matter how many times it happens. It sounds to me like it's a toxic relationship and you should run. I've been in your spot. And I know it's not easy to leave. But when you do you will wonder why you didn't leave sooner.  
We can all tell you to leave until we are blue in the face, that won't help though you have to decide for yourself to leave. And by the sounds of things I hope you leave sooner rather then later. Control issues are no joke. And it will only get worse.

IMO, it is wrong on all accounts.  
 
Physical (or verbal) Abuse of any kind is NOT or EVER ok.  
 
For your partner to see you away from 8 a.m. - 5 a.m.  
What kind of life do you lead where you can be out until 5 a.m. and expect to wake up the other half?  
 
No physical abuse is ever ok, but maybe you have to re-evaluate your own life here.  
 
Get some help for goodness sake.  
 
I so hope there are no children involved in this relationship.  
 
OP. This is not normal behavior. Nor is the guy that beat you up. Get help.

It appears that's there's only one side of the story being told. There's not a whole lot of good posting and seeking opinion on relationship problems on any forum or social media site. Please seek some help off the grid with your partner to work out the issues.

If you live there, why don''t you have a key? I agree with the others - violence is a deal breaker. On the other hand, I can''t figure out why you would be banging on the door and flicking utility switches unless the locks were changed? Were you gone long enough for the locks to be changed or are you just a gf who visits?  
 
Edited by DSopinion, 2017-09-11 16:57:12

Jenn123 said "Is this wrong? Am I not allowed to have friends? I left at 8am, came back at 5am. I didn't cheat, I didn't do anything technically wrong. Does that give the right to lock me out even though I supposedly live her, and beat me up. Well to him he didn't beat me because I wasn't bloody and dead on the floor but I've got some nice bruises. Hmmm. Figure this one out. He doesn't want this on FB so I'm gonna put it on eBrandon too so I can get public opinion. I banged at the door and flicked some switches on the utility box to get attention because it's 5 in the damn morning and no where to go. But apparently that's wrong too. Yes I hit him back but just to defend myself. So...am I wrong or is he wrong or is this just all a big huge blown out of proportion matter. "

There's a lot going on here. It's going to take even an experienced therapist a while to unravel this ball of yarn.  
 
I don't think we are getting the whole picture, but it is not okay to physically, mentally, or emotionally abuse another person.  
 
A person has the right to spend time without their partner, but a person in a relationship also has the right to know where things are at.  
 
I would strongly suggest both individual and couples counselling.

I have a story.. kinda familiar in a way but the view is from the other side of the locked door. Met someone at a bar. Started to date. Both had different places we lived. Invited said partner over for a weekend to hang out. Well let's go 2 weeks into the future, person is still at my place.. 1 month later.. basically never left. How many hints I could give were rendered useless. Had roommates who felt I needed to pay more in rent since my weekend hang out partner was still there 2 months later. Partied like crazy and came and went as pleased. Went into a deep depression. Was used and had enough. Cut all ties. I agree with above poster if you lived there, where was your key.. or were you a weekend hangout who never left.