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Just recently broke up with who I thought was for sure the love of my life and I am not coping well with it. It was a long drawn out process and I definitely was used and strung along until she was able to move on to someone else. I’m in disbelief that a person I care for so much is able to treat me this way. There were ups and downs in the relationship like any but we got through them until the end. And now I can’t cope she’s gone onto someone new and has such a hate for me when just over a month ago she said said she wanted me back and apologized for hurting me. Now she has completely devastated me. I’m going out of my mind reliving moments in my head over and over. Any advice on how to get past this would be greatly appreciated. I can’t eat or sleep and it’s really taking a toll on me

So sorry you are going through this. It's awful.  
 
Make a physical list of all her bad qualities and list all the bad things she did. Be realistic. She was not perfect.  
 
Keep that list handy and when you feel sad look at that list as a reminder. Get some fresh air and exercise. In time you will be ok.

Best thing to do in a time like this is to focus on yourself. Make sure you exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep and take time for yourself. Talk to someone you trust or a professional to help you work through what has happened.  
 
Sending you positive thoughts.

I PM'd you!

Sometimes professional help is needed to help get through struggles like this.  
PMH Mental Health Services is available, call their Intake for more information.  
204-578-2400

You are not in charge of her happiness and she doesn’t control your happiness.. believe me , I have been in your situation, your will never completely forget about this person who you cared so much about.. which is a good thing .. mean you are a caring and compassionate person.. which someone else will appreciate and respect someday .  
Like i said before. You only have control over yourself... so make yourself feel good, surround yourself with positive thinking people, and life will continue.. I promise...

If you have the means, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. These things can be extremely difficult and traumatizing, and speaking with someone that can help you will be good for you.  
 
Needing help doesn't make you weak, or mean there's something wrong with you. We all need it from time to time. Feel free to drop me a PM if you need a hand getting started.

Thank you all for the advice and words of encouragement. I do know it will slowly subside. I’ve had relationships fail in the past but was never this devastated and knew they weren’t meant to last. I think it’s the betrayal of this is the hardest part. Being used and having my emotions played with for so long and being made to believe to hang on and then having it ripped away in such a heartless manner. I know I will never understand it and need to leave it in the past. Just struggling currently

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Clearly she was not the one if she used and took advantage of you. Having your heartbroken is never fun but we've all been there. Hang in there. Give it some time, you will be fine.  
 
Edited by BiG Mack, 2021-02-19 12:00:54

I know it’s doesn’t feel like it right now but you will move on. Now is the time to focus on just yourself......heading takes time. I’ve been there and thought I wouldn’t get over it. Now I’m with someone even better. Takes time .......find yourself again

Thank you for reaching out. That is a tough situation, I have been there. Almost all my relationships ended with my boyfriend cheating or leaving for another woman. I understand, you start thinking the thoughts.. was it something you did? It wasn’t. It’s a reflection on them, not you. And as others have said, this too shall pass. Focus on you. Connect with friends. Self care - exercise, meditate, etc. You will be okay, I know it’s hard right now but it will be ok

Yeah it hurts like hell but please don’t make contact with her, trust me you’ll regret it. If she makes contact with you, refuse to tell her how much you are hurting and just say you are fine. There’s no better revenge than living well. Do something constructive like a hobby or go for a walk, and like someone else said, make a list of her flaws or things she said or did to you to help you through the tough times. Buy a new game, shirt, etc to be good to yourself. Box up all the mementos and put them in a closet if you can’t rid yourself of them right now. Best of luck, you can do this!

For all the encouragement. And I will not be talking to her. I know nothing good good will come from it. She made me feel worthless and enjoyed it when we did talk. I don’t understand the hate she has for me. I’m doing my best to make peace with it but also can’t shake some of the things she said about how I will likely never have a wife and kids. Which is all I really wanted. And being in my mid thirties now it’s starting to feel like she might be right

I was working very hard on any behaviours that she believed I needed to improve. But nothing was ever good enough. It’s like I wasn’t allowed to have any flaws. Where she had many as well and refused to work on them. And most I just accepted anyway. Maybe the relationship was toxic and I was too blinded by the person she was in the beginning and who I thought she was going to be to see her for who she really was. She was far from perfect and maybe this is a blessing in disguise but the thoughts of her moving on and having kids and the things I wanted with her keep creeping in my head

Thanks all again for your advice and encouragement. After venting here and to family and going through all the things I had built up inside I’ve come to realize it’s more about her and not me. I realize she has some deep rooted issues. I always suspected so but thought it was a maturity thing as she’s quite a bit younger than myself but I’m seeing now it’s not or not only that. The relationship with her was mentally exhausting. As is all her relationships with anyone. I was always an easy target for her when she got upset about anything in her life. It took a bit of soul searching to see what her and the relationship actually was. And honestly she didn’t treat me very well at all. But she was good at playing the game to twist things to her benefit or shift blame...right to the bitter end. And there shouldn’t even be a game in the first place. That’s not what a relationship is about. Anyway thanks again for listening it does help

Good for you. It sounds like you are seeing the relationship for what it truly had become. Its hard to do when you care for them.  
 
Keep your focus on you. You are all that matters now. High 5!