Hello. I have decided to start a discussion for survivors of infidelity. I am one of them. I am going through this at the moment and have realized that it is hard to talk to your friends and family about what you are going through and how you are feeling if they have never gone through the situation themselves. I have been going to therapy and that too is difficult when the therapist has never been through it either and not able to relate to exactly what you are going through. Don't get me wrong, therapy has been a life saver for me but I think it makes such a huge difference if you can share your thoughts, feelings, etc with someone who can relate to everything you are going through.
I would like this discussion to remain civil but honest. It is not intended for the cheaters to voice their position but as a support for the victims of infidelity. I am thinking about starting a support group for victims/survivors of infidelity but thought this would be a good way to start to see if there is a need for something like that or if I am alone in this.
My story - I have been married for 15 years, together for 17 years. We have two children. I discovered last fall that my husband had been cheating on me for 6 months with someone he works with. When I found out, he ended the relationship with her but continued to work daily with her. I have tried for a year to forgive him, to accept what has happened and move on so I could keep my family together for the sake of my children. I have since discovered that I just couldn't do it. My self esteem is in the toilet (how could anyone be so cruel to someone else that they have loved for 17 years?, not to mention what it has done to the kids!), my building anger was killing me and my overall wellbeing was not good at all, emotionally and physically. THAT was not good for the kids. I asked my husband to leave almost a month ago and am now learning what it is like to be a single parent with no partner to share my life with.
My children are fully aware of what has happened and they are trying very hard to understand how he could have done what he did. They have been amazing through all of this but it makes me sick to think about the pain this has caused them and how it has turned their lives upside down. My main focus from here on out is the well being of my children. I will do whatever I have to do to protect them from any further pain and try to maintain a stable, healthy life for them.
My main goal with this discussion is to sort of be like a blog. I will post my thoughts and feelings on a regular basis, address different issues that I am experiencing through this journey of survival and hope that I get some honest, constructive feedback, support and sharing from others experiencing the same thing (or those that have made it through this hell and living a happy fulfilling life today). I know that this is a very emotional situation and expect that there will be some situations where we want to yell and scream about our messed up partners but I hope that we can keep those sessions to a minimum.
Believe me, there are days that I would love nothing more than to rant and although it is good to get things off our chests, it is not healthy to dwell on the negatives for too long.
I look forward to being a support to others that are going through this difficult time and hope that we can all work together to become happy, healthy, whole individuals once again.