Discussions

Need advice, there is a man in Brandon he's literally everything any woman could ever want and he's single. I am so fully aware I should give up and not even think about it but it's difficult not to. He will talk to me once in a blue moon then if I try again its like I have the Plague but even if asked there is never a definite answer that he doesn't have any interest at all. Which yes actions dictate that there is none. Its difficult and I don't know why it bothers me, I think maybe I need to completely change myself maybe he will notice me, loose a ton of weight work out learn things about what I know he's interested in. Hes just that one person I know i'll never have, and who ever does end up with him will be the luckiest woman in the world. He's tall, intelligent, extremely handsome, funny, has good relationship with his family and protective and close with his friends. Can create and fix nearly anything, literally cant think of a better man. Please don't be to rough on me I know I have no chance with him just wishing I did :p

By the way you talk in your post it sounds like you are ready to change yourself to meet his needs. You can't build a relationship on that. You need to work on yourself. Do things you like to do and develop your own interests. If he is interested and worthy of you then things will happen. You can't force it. Also from your description he sounds too good to be true. That means he probably is.  

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option"  

sounds like you are crushing big time on this guy but he just isnt into you, sucks but such is life, not be be rude but guess its time for you to get one lol DO learn new things make changes if you want but for YOU not for him and as you keep yourself busy you will eventually forget him and move on to a new crush, hopefully one the crushes on you too  
 
good luck

People want what they THINK they can't have but hard work, dedication, and not giving up you will get what you want. That however can be relationship or that can be a closed door to open to what you really want.

If this is a closed door, instead of focusing on what's closed and no go look for the door that opened in its place and an absolute go

Don't look for answers where there is no questions.  
Move on you're someone's love.  
Someone is out there trying to get you but you're busy looking at the wrong direction.

Don't look for answers where there is no questions.  
Move on you're someone's love.  
Someone is out there trying to get you but you're busy looking at the wrong direction.

OP  
 
"He will talk to me once in a blue moon then if I try again its like I have the Plague but even if asked there is never a definite answer that he doesn't have any interest at all."  
 
I think you're screwed, honey. Look for someone that likes you for you.

Maybe he is shy. Just try being a friend, and see what happens.

he is just not that into you, time to move on. If this is how he is treating you, why would you want to be with him?

If it was me I would "ignore" him. Once he sees that you seem no longer interested he might "bite". Or. Are you sure he likes girls? Maybe he doesn't but isn't ready to make that known. I am a firm believer that there is a lot of fish in the sea and you just need to position yourself to catch one. Maybe someone who is perfect for you is just around the corner but you are too absorbed in making this aloof guy your perfect guy! A perfect guy may not be all the things you see in this guy but is someone who is absolutely "into you"!

I've been there hon. It emotionally ruined me for awhile. You need to worry about you and what makes you happy. And this guy is obviously not part of that if you're willing to change so much of yourself to make him happy. I know it's not what you want to hear but this guy sounds like a loser and in my experience when they behave the way you describe, they just really like the attention and have no intention of it going further. You seem like an amazing girl with a lot to offer so don't hold out for one dummy that doesn't see how awesome the girl right in front of him is. Be you! Be happy! Enjoy life and if he comes around, awesome! If he doesn't, you won't even notice.  
Good luck!

Spades!! said ""Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option"   "

Wonderfully said. I used this to talk away from a woman once. I felt like nothing more than an option to her put on the back burner. Cant make somebody care about you or even spend time with you. I got tired of sending text messages with no reply. Anyhow, I'm rambling.  
 
in short:  
 
Best statement I've hear all year

Come on, he can't be that wonderful! Every guy has flaws and if you think there's such a thing as a perfect man, you're in for a lot of disappointment.  
I'm sure he puts his pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.  
I know "the heart wants what the heart wants", but for your sake, follow Spades advice. Or get a dog - he'll think you're the most wonderful person in the world. Not a cat though....

Trying to mold yourself to what you think someone will like is never a good idea.  
 
Being hung up on Mr. Unavailable could be a way of protecting your feelings, but you're missing out on all the guys who *are* available and interested in a relationship.  
 

If he isn't totally over-the-moon about you, wanting to spend time with you and have long meaningful conversations, recognizing that you are an awesome woman who is secure and confident and who has lots of attributes to bring to a relationship - well, then you deserve more than what he has to offer right now. You asked 'what am I doing wrong?' - putting your time and energy into thinking about someone who isn't thinking about you. Read the book 'Finding True Love' by Daphne Rose Kingma.

We also are making assumptions and only you see his behavior with you. As a relatively shy guy around the ladies, and not skinny myself, I have also been oblivious to some great ladies giving me hints. Be blunt before you move on, and be sure. If he doesn't reciprocate, move on and don't try not to wonder why.

I explained wrong I have made tons of changes to myself and still progressing I focus on fitness and being healthy. I've chosen a career that most people don't like it find intimidating and I'm still working towards it because it's an amazing rewarding career. He is a great guy and I wish there was something there but most are right and I'm screwed haha it's just a huge crush that I think will never happen. There may be someone out there there may not be there's also other things that I'm responsible for that most men don't want to take on with me. I'm a very strong determined woman may end up alone but I am happy. Just from everything i do know he's everything I could ever want but I'm logical need honesty and straight forwardness and there is none. I'm also very outgoing and speak my mind I hope I find the one that adores me but guess we shall see

these perfect guys already have boyfriends.  
 
Try the more direct approach. You will find out. Tell him how you feel.  
 
Most guys like the more direct approach. Show up naked and bring beer.  
 
If you notice a little glint in his eye when he looks at you, give him some sex or make him a sandwich.

You are right in that you can't predict what your future holds. But one thing I know for sure is attitude is everything. So far from what you've said it sounds like you have done well for yourself. You are well educated strong independent woman. Be proud of your accomplishments. Look at you personal life with the same determination that got you where you are today. You are not alone, you are single and living a full life doing the things you love. Being alone versus being single is a state of mind. One that you can choose. You can still be alone in a relationship something I would not wish on anyone. Live your life to the fullest and if it's meant to be that special someone will come along when you least expect it.  

You should NEVER have to change who you are to be in a relationship! Second my experience has shown me that men usually want what they cant have. Not saying to play a game or anything. But seriously, he knows how you feel. So just go on with your life and enjoy it.....without him. And if he sees you happy and enjoying yourself AND if he has real feeling for you then he will make his move. If not....oh well...because you have created a happy life on your own.

Don't change yourself in order to gain a guy's attention. It's soo draining, especially when it doesn't really seem like it's getting you anywhere with him...  
 
I agree with ece2.. that's usually a good way to get a guy who wants to "play hard to get" to bite!! .. that's IF he's interested. If he doesn't make the effort, he likely just reaaally isn't interested. I know that can be a tough pill to swallow.  
 
Keep in mind that desperation is a stinky perfume...  

I am be no means desperate at all he's just a good man a crush and wishful thinking. I know screwed lolbut it's always to hear others opinions