Discussions

Wanting and being able to are 2 different things.  
Life happens, kids, work... List goes on. Everyone needs down/alone time however.  

Not agree that everyone's "down time" needs are different? The society we live in nowadays is too much a "me" society.

especially hear from divorce people they seem to look for a partner with money they have to offer or look for one that will help with their so the parent isn't alone.  
Real love isn't really present but blame on situation and busy life plus nowadays it could more me and me and me. Life can get difficult or make it difficult

For two people in a relationship to have their own interests and enjoy time on their own. There's nothing wrong with giving each other space and time to follow your own interests and past times. It's also important to spend quality time together and make that a priority as well. It's a healthy balance.

He's the most important person in my life BUT not the only person in my life!! Everyone needs time with friends, family and alone time to have a healthy, balanced relationship. I also think time apart now and than makes you appreciate what you have even more  
 
It's about quality not quantity IMO.

Sammy put it perfectly.  
Think you are just asking for a world of hurt if you devote yourself to just one person. If the relationship fails, one partner dies, then you will really be alone. Friends have drifted away because you have excluded them from your life to concentrate all your efforts on the partner.  
And not everyone likes to be smothered, you need room to breathe.

people feel smothered and can't breathe then maybe you are with the wrong person. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have interaction with other people, but I don't believe you should orchestrate it. Doesn't anyone have that "can't wait to see him or her" feeling anymore?

I think a healthy relationship requires balance. I think together time is important and is apart time. The ratio depends on the needs/wants of two individuals that are constantly changing/evolving.  
 
For me, when I am seeing someone and in their presence, I want to worship them. In order to do that, I need time away from them.  
 
Everyone has different wants/needs that should be valued and respected but, when it comes to time, my wants/needs are quality over quantity.

That 70's guy said "people feel smothered and can't breathe then maybe you are with the wrong person. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have interaction with other people, but I don't believe you should orchestrate it. Doesn't anyone have that "can't wait to see him or her" feeling anymore? "

I don't think anyone said that we don't feel that anymore but how do you get to feel that if they're always around??  
 
We spend a lot of time together (partly because I work from home and we're both homebodies lol) but we don't NEED to spend every minute possible together because we have other relationships in our lives too.  
 
I'm with the right person but yes, I feel smothered too when we haven't had some time apart in awhile. I feel like that with my other relationships too with friends and family though. Maybe it's just my personality??

My partner and I work together all day, everyday. And if we by chance get home at a decent hour, I find that we most times spend it in other rooms from each other. He will watch tv in one room and me in another room. Or one of us spends the night out somewhere with friends or something. It works for us. We don't always need to be with each other.

the only time I am away from my partner is 8 hours during the day when we are both working. We have lunch together (most days) and commute to and from work together.  
We very rarely go out on the weekends and are content spending our free time with each other. (kind of hermits) In the summer we pack up our camper and go exploring every weekend. He is my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way. We are going on 15 years together this fall.

need to know the other persons needs and respect them. I for one am an introvert. Which does not mean that I lock myself in my house. But it means that I go out and socialize, I work, I have hobbies, I go to the gym but when I go home I restore/recharge myself in my aloneness. An extrovert, on the other hand, restores himself when he is out with other people. Besides spending every minute with a person you love is more like an obsession not real love. Because real love would be confident enough to spend time apart.

i think you need spend some time with your partner, things to do or go together if hardly happens I do not see how a relationship will last long, or else you are only a roommate.

Hmmm.....never thought about this once I was married. My husband and I are apart during working hours for sure, but other than that we don't have set times to spend together or apart. I don't think either one of us has ever felt the need to have time alone or away from each other. We certainly aren't attached at the hip either though. We both go out separately sometimes with friends or whatever on occasion, and things like that, but it's not a planned thing so that we can have time apart.  
Life's normal pattern of working and running kids to activities, etc. just dictates our time together and apart.

With 70's guy. What did happen to that "can't wait to see you feeling". If you have to have separate activities and either separate rooms or places to do them, maybe you are kidding yourself that you just think you have a relationship or don't know what a "real" relationship is. I think it is a signs of the times affecting the dynamics of relationships today. My parents were married 42 years and never spent a minute apart. To top it off we ( my parents and my brother), did activities together , as a family. How often do you see that today? If spending time apart is overshadowing together time.....mYbe all you do have is a roommate. Can't be much "love" to share if you constantly need distractions elsewhere. Who needs a partner if you have friends or other interests to fill your time? Maybe there is a lot of taking for granted going on? I just think changes in society and attitudes has a lot to do with it. If you and your partner have the same interests, or at least you should have some, then do them together. What brings people together in the first place? If it is uncommon interests then how did you end up together? Partners should at least have the same mindset about most things. It's a different era we live in and it is not a good one in SO MANY ways. Very negative and self centred.

what the heart wants. So if you feel it's "necessary" or "healthy" or "deserved" to be apart then THAT'S where you happen to be in your relationship. I'm just saying that when you find that "right" person, you'd rather be with them than apart.

By Thich Naht Hahn  
 
My partner and I try to live by it. Some days are better than others of course but its about finding home within yourself and in each other...

a relationship that you share not much, see each other not much I prefer stay alone then no fights and no one tell you what to do or put you down, and mess up the house

But I don't need a book to tell me how to love, my heart does that just fine. Honestly, no offence.

That 70's guy. It is not me that wants the the time apart. It is my partner. I agree 100% with you. What I posted is what my partner seems to want. Normal day to day, like work is a given but beyond that I don't understand the reasoning. More time apart than together is what my partner seems to want. Maybe I will never understand that. I hope I have made myself clear.

I don't think the percentage of love is determined by accumulated minutes together. I love spending time with my husband, especially since I work days and he works nights, but neither of us have a problem with the other having sole interests or friendships that remove some of that time. I happen to enjoy some time all to myself and I don't think that means I love my husband less.

Losing your individuality and "self" in a relationship is not healthy, and needy or clingy is not attractive. I love spending time with my SO, but he also enjoys his guy time and I enjoy my girl time. It is possible to have a healthy, loving relationship without being joined at the hip.

shaggy said "That 70's guy. It is not me that wants the the time apart. It is my partner. I agree 100% with you. What I posted is what my partner seems to want. Normal day to day, like work is a given but beyond that I don't understand the reasoning. More time apart than together is what my partner seems to want. Maybe I will never understand that. I hope I have made myself clear. "

I think there is a difference between having a healthy balance of time spent with your SO, friends, family and alone versus spending more time apart than together. If the latter is the case, than yes, I do agree with you that something may be missing from your relationship.  
 
However, just like you do not understand not wanting to spend every possible minute with each other, I (and others) do not understand why you wouldn't want some time apart. To be dependant on one another like that is something I MYSELF do not find attractive. There will come a time when the other part of you is gone and I want to have healthy relationships outside of that to help me get through that process and to be able to have a life after that.  
 
If you spend all your free time with your SO, how and when are you contributing to other relationships that are also important?  
 
I agree with the above poster who said it sounds more like an obsession than love. I also wonder if there are some insecurities within relationships that function like that?

Get I am less intelligent than I thought I was.

what some of us have as being "insecure" or "clingy" or "joined at the hip". Just as I'll try not to label those that enjoy their time apart as "not really being in love" or "being roommates" or "going through the motions". You can't change how you feel just by telling yourself to. Once you find your soul mate, you will truly understand how it works.

I sent you a p.m.

It is healthy to have individual interests as well as couples interests. Just because two people spend a lot of time together, doesn't mean that they necessarily have a better relationship than couples who don't spend as much time together.  
I love quilting, but my husband doesn't sew; I don't expect to have to give up evenings in my sewing room or workshops/ classes just because I then won't be spending time with him, and he doesn't expect me to either. He likes golfing with the same people that he has golfed with since before I met him; I don't expect him to give that up. We have activities that we enjoy together as well.

shaggy said "That 70's guy. It is not me that wants the the time apart. It is my partner. I agree 100% with you. What I posted is what my partner seems to want. Normal day to day, like work is a given but beyond that I don't understand the reasoning. More time apart than together is what my partner seems to want. Maybe I will never understand that. I hope I have made myself clear. "

Sounds like there are other issues with the relationship. In my experience, once I found the right person to be with for the rest of my life, I have never felt the need to have alone time away from him. Like I said before, our lives, work, kids, etc. just naturally dictate when we are together or not.  
 
Ie. I don't ever feel the need to go out with my girlfriends for a drink because I want time apart from my husband. I go out and do these things just because I want to and it's fun.  
 
I also always look forward to the end of the work day when we all get to be home together as a family or I look forward to when my husband gets home from a work trip, etc. We enjoy telling each other about ou time apart, like what him and his buddies did if they went out together for the evening.  
 
If you are in a meaningful lasting relationship, none of your time apart should have to be purposely scheduled just to be apart from one another.

Jellybean, you know it 'cause you live it.