Discussions

How do you get over betrayal? Or do you ever?

I couldn't get over it with my spouse, I filed for divorce. I wasn't able to get the trust back & I knew if they did it once they could do it again. Going through such an experience is the worst & im not sure how/why one human being can do it to another and/or their family/children. In my experience a councillor has been very beneficial & gotten me through a lot of dark, rough patches. Time helps & heals to a degree. Once you can finally move on/move forward there is such a release that comes with that. The weight of the person that hurt you starts to release as well. You can no longer imagine being with them.  
I wish you all the best in finding your way through this

Healing takes time, and it is a long process.  
 
Like in the death of someone close and divorce or personal loss, you need to go through the grieving process. I would suggest that you look up "The Seven Steps To Grieving." I have suffered physical, and personal losses. Also to help with your personal healing consider seeing a counselor depending on your position in life you could try 7th Street Access Center, Prairie Mental Health, among several other private counselling services in town.  
 
There is 2 sides of this healing t be aware of too, it isn't just the getting over your situation today but there is the ability to put faith and trust into another person tomorrow. Also be very careful with falling into depression and isolation, they are not healthy places to be either.

but both parties must want to get over it.  
 
I have gotten over betrayal in the past. things are not the same maybe as they once were but we are on speaking terms.  
 
and I believe true remorse must be felt from the person who betrayed you.  
 
time heals all wounds in one way or another. either you get over and accept your you get over and forget it all and enjoy your life

some people can and some cant get over betrayal, even if they dont stay with the person betrayal can affect the trust in another relationship but if you do stay(or dont)some of rebuilding trust is understanding why the person betrayed you in the first place and working with them to face the issues both that made them stray and the aftermath of the betrayal, its hard work and you may never be quite the same as ALL our experiences shape who we are, you can also get great coping and rebuilding techniques from a good professional

kinda in the same boat....a "friend" never thought he did any wrong. would make time for others BUT never me. Im having a hard time with it....

if you can communicate openly and honestly with the other party in this. Yes it takes time, yes you BOTH must want to continue past this, and yes there are times, even years later that hurt can sneak into your life unexpectedly but you can go on. I've been betrayed 4 times by the same person but there WAS and IS something in them that could not be replaced with just any other person. (and to note there were a lot of extenuating circumstances through these betrayals). Our relationship is now stronger than it has ever been and I would be brave enough to say that each and every year that we continue together the relationship just gets stronger. Sometimes one just has to search deep inside and decide... is this the one?? the sole mate??

I was the betrayer. Early in our relationship I betrayed my other half. 9 years later they found out. I was out of the house and their life fast! I wanted to at least see a councillor and even begged for 2nd chance but no deal. They won't even think of discussing it. So I agree that some people are able to work through it others can't. If the roles were reversed and I was in their shoes, I know I would at least go to a councillor due to the years of "good" marriage.

beentheredonethat said "I was the betrayer. Early in our relationship I betrayed my other half. 9 years later they found out. I was out of the house and their life fast! I wanted to at least see a councillor and even begged for 2nd chance but no deal. They won't even think of discussing it. So I agree that some people are able to work through it others can't. If the roles were reversed and I was in their shoes, I know I would at least go to a councillor due to the years of "good" marriage. "

you as the betrayer, do not deserve "what you want."- to see a counsellor. If it was me, I would not discuss it either, out the door you would go.  
 
If there were "years of good marriage", why would you betray? You ruined the years of good marriage. Your choice. Your wife's choice how to proceed.

Brenda said "    beentheredonethat said "I was the betrayer. Early in our relationship I betrayed my other half. 9 years later they found out. I was out of the house and their life fast! I wanted to at least see a councillor and even begged for 2nd chance but no deal. They won't even think of discussing it. So I agree that some people are able to work through it others can't. If the roles were reversed and I was in their shoes, I know I would at least go to a councillor due to the years of "good" marriage. " you as the betrayer, do not deserve "what you want."- to see a counsellor. If it was me, I would not discuss it either, out the door you would go.     If there were "years of good marriage", why would you betray? You ruined the years of good marriage. Your choice. Your wife's choice how to proceed. "

Very true. Good point Brenda.

Every situation is different. You can't say that in every case a person should just leave and walk out the door. It's easy to say you'd just kick someone out as an absolute until you are one day in the same position. I for one thought that would be my position until it happened to me. I think if both parties are willing to work on it and they want to try, they should. Will it work? Depends on them. It is possible to have your relationship survive it. I know from experience. It takes a lot of work but it is possible. I recommend counselling. Not easy to do on your own. If the other isn't willing to go to counselling or whatever you suggest then it won't work.  
 
Good luck to you. Know that you are not alone. Be true to yourself and you can't make the wrong decision.