Discussions

I'm not sure how to phrase it and I'm not good at asking for help which is why I'm on here asking anonymously. Basically I'm 28 and have no idea how to make friends based on anything other then drinking or other intoxicants.  
 
I tried asking my parents but their response was that adults don't really have friends they hang out with that all they have is people they can talk to in stores for 5 minutes or so type thing. They essentially feel that i should be settling down with a relationship which is a whole other problem as I never really learned how to do that either but figured i should learn how to make friends first.  
 
Right now i'm on summer between my 2 years of acc. I work mostly with people around 16-20 which not bad people but i don't really need more drinking friends cause kinda trying to not do that as much. Other then that my only hobbies would be weight lifting or biking.  
 
is there a such thing as friend as an adult male? or are people i talk to once in awhile online or at stores supposed to be what friendships become?

It's not easy that's for sure. I think many adults forget how hard it is because they have childhood friends. I know I personally went to a university after high school away from my hometown and my eyes were opened wide. I never knew how to make friends because I had never had to. I had the same 70 people (more or less) that I went to school with from K-12. In university I became friends with people who I would have not considered being friends with in my small town that I'm from and it was only because they were nice enough to let me in. I had to learn how to communicate, accept people's "quirks", tolerate behaviour I wasn't used to all while making sure my personal morals weren't compromised. I've forever grateful to those that befriended me my first year of university and I learned many hard lessons along the way.  
 
I now live in that same town again and what I've learned to do is to give new people a chance. I don't immediately write people off like I used to if they aren't "the same" as me. I invite people to my social events, over for BBQs, game nights, etc even if they don't always fit in with me or my group because while they may not end up being my best friend, maybe they will meet mutual friends with other people we have over and make personal relationships with them.  
 
My advice would be:  
-go to the events you are invited to (you don't have to drink at them)  
-host events or make the plans for people you've just met. It's hard always being the "planner" of the group and friendships can easily feel one-sided if both parties don't reach out to each other to make plans  
-try to find friends with similar interests like fitness, games, religious values, etc  
-try volunteering: people who volunteer are generally more open, caring and selfless  
-be open and try new things! It will be scary at first to do things out of your comfort range but also fun!  
-remember that friends come in all shapes/sizes/ages/ethnicities/religions, etc. Somebody who you wouldn't necessarily see as a friend right away could in time become a very valued friend

People need some friends in any age. Lack of friend cause depression. Too many of them does the same thing. You can start from your classes at ACC or join a sport that is teamed such as volleyball, soccer, etc. Teamed sport makes you talk, laugh and work with a group and makes it easier and more relaxing to make friends.

Deb1 said "People need some friends in any age. Lack of friend cause depression. Too many of them does the same thing. You can start from your classes at ACC or join a sport that is teamed such as volleyball, soccer, etc. Teamed sport makes you talk, laugh and work with a group and makes it easier and more relaxing to make friends. "

lack of friends will not cause depression. Loneliness and sadness, but certainly not depression. Depression is lack of serotonin, PSTD, etc.  
 
Sorry to go off topic.  
 
Edited by Brenda, 2017-07-01 08:58:45

I am 41,I find that making friends is SO hard. I'm mostly an introvert, until I know someone. I have mutual friends with my husband. I wish I had a female friend to hang out with, have coffee/tea/pop/ with, talk to etc. Life get's tricky the older you get....

Brenda,  
 
Lacking any friend make you feel lonely. Loneliness ends up with having depression. So, yes lack of friends makes you depressed after long time.  
 
Edited by Deb1, 2017-07-01 09:07:26

Joining different interest groups and volunteer. It can be difficult to meet people as you get older and mature however you still are able to make friends. It's just different than the high school stage or bar stage. Im mid 30s. And in the 5 years I have been here i have made lasting friendships through an interest group and volunteering. It took a few years of being here however before I made those lasting friendships. Broaden the horizons and you never know where you will make those friendships

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-other-f-word-conversations-about-failure/id1168205486?mt=2&i=1000385035694  
 
An eye opening chat on adult loneliness. Much more prevelant than I think than anyone really realizes. .

Every conversation is an experiment. No guarentees you will keep those friends you make. Sometimes we make friends for a moment, a day, a week or a year. Enjoying a good book is a good way to deal with existential issues

Kiwiyop said "I am 41,I find that making friends is SO hard. I'm mostly an introvert, until I know someone. I have mutual friends with my husband. I wish I had a female friend to hang out with, have coffee/tea/pop/ with, talk to etc. Life get's tricky the older you get.... "

I pm'd you!

I pm'd you.