Discussions

Just curious as to why people get hitched ?

I got married 2 weeks after I graduated high school at 18 years old. I am still married 33.5 years later.  
 
I think best answer as to why we got married was to start our life together, build a farm and have a family.  
 
All of which we did.  
 
I had people say "why would anyone get married so young?" even back then. I had no intentions of going to university. We had been together for 4 years it was our time. We wanted to be together for a year or two before kids came into the family.  
 
Obviously for us it made sense.  
 
Not sure in today's society I would do the same but who knows. I do not believe the thought "marry to have a family anymore. " Or that you should not "live in sin". The world has evolved and we do what we like. I also would never pressure my kids to get married nor to have grandchildren for me.  
 
Live your best life for yourself and no one else.

I love this girl more than anything in the world , I’m proud of her achievements and I’m going to stay by her side no matter what.

What does that word mean to you ? never been there so I'm clueless as to what it is all about .

I got married when I probably should not have. I did it mainly because that is what I thought was expected of me by family and by society. In hindsight, my perception of the pressure on me was likely much greater than any real pressure on me. It was in my early 30's.

I can’t explain it. I was single for years. When I met her I knew in a short time. We just got along easily.

A lot of people get married to make their financial situation 10X easier during tax time, etc. Like a lot of people... An astonishing amount. (Love is just a chemical reaction of ones brain)

justasoul gave my exact answer as to why I got married the first time. For my second marriage, I got married because I was alone and didn’t know how to be just by myself. Looking back, I don’t think I had very high esteem, so my identity was formed by who I was with. Not healthy, but a reason nonetheless.  
Now I am twice divorced and no plans on remarrying!

I am just clarifying. Why did I get married and not why did I marry this person.  
- Another question:  
What is marriage? what does that term mean to you?  
committment  
sex and the promise to be faithful  
to raise children together  
to be there in sickness and health  
not to bail when things get tough  
to grow together for the betterment of each other and for health of kids.  
companionship  
top travel and do things together  
to get old together and help each other in all matters  
All of the above are choices that I choose to do with the one I commit to. I honor my word, my commitment, my promise. my word defines who I am.

At the age of 25. We both loved each other so much and had been together 5 years at that point. After everything we had gotten through together during those five years (university, loss, living together, etc) we knew that we wanted to be together forever. Neither of us could ever imagine being without the other. However, we got married due to family and societal pressure. People kept asking us when we were getting married (and soon after we tied the knot came the baby questions). Both of us caved and just decided to get married because we knew we’d be together forever anyway, so why not? I don’t think marriage is what keeps you together, but the bond you have does. If you are committed to one another it doesn’t matter if you are married or not. Marriage to me is truly just a piece of paper that makes things expensive if you want to split.

 
 
Edited by LH02, 2020-01-21 23:01:50

I agree for you it is just a piece of paper and each person has to answer that question  
"what is marriage" both need to agree to that answer or it should be the discussion between two individuals. so you both know what you are agreeing to. we are committed to be together until we are not, or until .......…...you fill in the blank...… and that is your definition of marriage.  
We as a society have had divorce and or separations of relationships for a long time now.  
my question, not wanting to hijack this post is "are kids better off when parents split or lose commitment to each other and give up or don't work through the issues? what do we set up as acceptable for the next generation are we watering down "marriage" so it is meaningless each generation because of our own selfishness or lack of commitment? that sacrifice and compromise are not needed? It is all about me.......my needs, my wants my.......  
Don't get me wrong I am not saying all people must stay together for the purpose of staying together. I don't agree with that statement at all. There are just too many reasons that is not possible or healthy.  
It comes back to in an healthy relationship... what do we teach the next generation by our choices and effort......  
My decision works for me and it may not be yours... I get that. No marriage has not always been easy, nor has it always been fun. After 35 yrs I see it was worth the commitment, every time I see my grandkids and they see our stability. Time has softened all the hardships.

I had a university professor give this description of marriage.  
it is a public declaration of what you are promising. If you are a believer/ part of a faith you are making that statement before God, family and friends. If you are not a believer then why are you in a church?  
 
Your word is your bond, it defines who you are or what type of person you are. So be clear what you are saying and committing to and then honor your commitment.  
 
For those who don't want to commit, don't recite vows that say you are committed or you are committed until.......... or make your own vows that are meaningful to you.  
 
In some countries you have a government civic documents completed and if you want a church wedding it is done after you are legally married by the government. One says legal union (same as a city hall marriage I guess) and the other defines what that commitment is before family and friends as a public declaration of that promise.

Basically, marriage a cost-benefit analysis.  
Churches are interested in the financial aspects.  
Women need security.  
Men need intimacy. They are both driven by needs  
that are different. They are both selfish.  
A women falls in love with a man who loves her.  
He has habits she thinks she can change.  
She's wrong.  
A man falls in love with a woman who loves him.  
She's beautiful just like she is and she will never change.  
He's wrong.  
Happy marriages happen to people who are willing to accept and change for the sake of the marriage.  
If you are not with someone, you are just half a pair.  
A couple is the natural order of things, all over the world, in all species. Males show off and females choose.  
If you shoot a goose, you should shoot its mate too.

Hmmmm.......To me that piece of paper was a commitment that I made to my wife through my vows. I think if we didn't have that paper we may not be together right now. We use the term "too expensive to leave you" as yes it is make in fun but at the same time it brings us together. Seems many relationships are like cell phones. Don't like the model you change for a new one. We are a disposable society and it seems relationships are the same. We are more inclined to work through or issues vs telling the other off and just leaving on "incompatibility issues". Roughly 40% of people divorce. My grandparents have gone to their graves growing old together, the 50,60 year of marriage together. It just amazes me. That is what I have been taught growing up and that is how I will live till I die. It isn't just about a a faith based choice it is a signed commitment I made to be there for my wife, good or bad, till death do us part.

I agree with all of that. Well said.

is the reason I got married to my husband. It was to stand before God and my family and friends and publically make the promises. I have kept them 39 years now and counting, my life is rich and joyful.

Elmer made a comment that churches are just interested in the financial aspects.  
really.....what financial aspect. getting married in a church does not mean membership. the pastor gets a small fee, so does a commissioner of oaths.  
there is no financial incentive for the church. they are doing this because they believe marriage is a promise, a covenant before God, family, friends...… and really is doing the work of government.....