Discussions

I asked my husband, who just laughed and said the only reason a guy needs a "whole night" is because his "bit on the side" is making demands for more together time. You are getting played. I have to agree-an evening out with the boys to play poker, watch boxing, even go see the strippers is one thing, but you know where they are and about when they'll be home, and you can always text or call if a kid is sick or something. It's simple RESPECT for the person you are committed to. You need to think about whether this man is really the right one for you.

Do you mean an evening, say 4-5 hrs. or the ENTIRE night, as in overnight?  
Big difference.

There is no little bit on the side...I just wanted some alone time. The night consisted of me sitting at home alone listening to a football game with my dogs and heaven forbid, beer! No kids tv shows, and just some quiet time alone. I don't know why this Is such a big deal? Work has me stressed to the point where I'm wondering where the next mortgage payment is coming from, and I just wanted to try and chill. I stopped texting because she kept trying to ruin my night by trying to start an argument about said night off. I'll be sure and never ask for a short bit of time to myself. I do not go out and disapper like people are suggesting. By the way, she is the one that took off and never even mentioned where she was! So to avoid getting any more annoyed by this bs , I will not read any more of this crap. And thanks for dragging this up overy and over dear, give it a rest already. I'm now officially pissed off now, good work!

MrMechanic said "There is no little bit on the side...I just wanted some alone time. The night consisted of me sitting at home alone listening to a football game with my dogs and heaven forbid, beer! No kids tv shows, and just some quiet time alone. I don't know why this Is such a big deal? Work has me stressed to the point where I'm wondering where the next mortgage payment is coming from, and I just wanted to try and chill. I stopped texting because she kept trying to ruin my night by trying to start an argument about said night off. I'll be sure and never ask for a short bit of time to myself. I do not go out and disapper like people are suggesting. By the way, she is the one that took off and never even mentioned where she was! So to avoid getting any more annoyed by this bs , I will not read any more of this crap. And thanks for dragging this up overy and over dear, give it a rest already. I'm now officially pissed off now, good work! "

Two sides to every story.  
 
Hope you get and enjoy some time to recharge. Your requests seem absolutely valid and necessary.

You two need to talk (CALMLY!) to each other-not fight it out on here. BTW, asking your partner to leave you alone while watching a game is perfectly reasonable.

MrMechanic said "There is no little bit on the side...I just wanted some alone time. The night consisted of me sitting at home alone listening to a football game with my dogs and heaven forbid, beer! No kids tv shows, and just some quiet time alone. I don't know why this Is such a big deal? Work has me stressed to the point where I'm wondering where the next mortgage payment is coming from, and I just wanted to try and chill. I stopped texting because she kept trying to ruin my night by trying to start an argument about said night off. I'll be sure and never ask for a short bit of time to myself. I do not go out and disapper like people are suggesting. By the way, she is the one that took off and never even mentioned where she was! So to avoid getting any more annoyed by this bs , I will not read any more of this crap. And thanks for dragging this up overy and over dear, give it a rest already. I'm now officially pissed off now, good work! "

Perfectly reasonable....I tell my husband to leave me alone after the kids go to bed often, because I want to watch my shows and he has no interest. He is welcome to join me, but often chooses to go outside and work in the garage or maybe even go out with a buddy for a drink. We absolutely do not ignore each other's texts, communication in any way though, but there is no need to, as neither one of us pesters the other about anything.  
 
To the OP....if you are in such a need to be near your partner or communicate with him while he wants some quiet time, why not just pop in on him and offer him another beer or snack. Don't pester him over text. Or just sit in the same room as him and read a book if you aren't interested in what he is watching. Lots of solutions. I know for myself, if my husband is wanting to watch something I hate, or go out for a drink with his buddies, I just find something for myself to do that I know he would not want to do anyways.  
 
In a stable relationship there should not be a NEED to be away from each other, but there also should not be a NEED to be with each other all the time.

You can just delete this Adam. Was just me asking for other opinions which i was told to do but have no friends to ask and the ones I do ask say it's wring. So thought maybe more opinions would help, but yet again. I was wrong. Please delete Adam...

The answer to this whole problem is communication! With each other. In private or perhaps with a marriage counsellor. In a relationship, it really does NOT matter what other people do in their relationships. All that matters is what works for you and your SO in your relationship. And the only way to find out what works is to communicate about it!

For your post. I agree... One day maybe it'll happen. Me asking everyone was wrong though I guess so please delete Adam.

counselling - we are not counselors on e-brandon. If you want to bring a topic up when you know both husband and wife can openly talk about it here, perhaps you could openly talk to it with a counselor.

Do you ever do a date night together alone? Even to McDonalds. Remember, most men do not communicate and the more you ask, the more they quit. Talk about money, it sounds like it is a big worry right now. Hopefully you are contributing to this with a job. My husband and I sometimes sit in separate rooms watching our shows (his are sports) and chat every once in a while. I think you need patience and to back off a bit. I wish you the best.

MissMechanic said " So I am here for a HONEST poll!     I am a common law of a 8 year old realtionship with 1 child, and 2 step children, on his side. The last 2 years the "I need time to myself" message has been dropped LOTS! I personally believe that if you love someone, you don't need or want time apart, but have been told I am wrong.     I personally take some weekends off work (he has weekends off work) to be with the family, but was told personal time is better. Was informed that any guy would understand but no girl would.     So I'm doing a poll! Do YOU wish to be away from your children/wife/spouse? Even for ONE day of "peace" Edited by admin, 2016-06-28 12:15:52. Reason: Title update"

Personal time for a person is healthy for any relationship.  
 
We all need time to recharge and get our bearings.  
 
Smothering someone with a constant we always need to be together would make me want to run for the door to get some quiet time.  
 
There is no right or wrong here. Some couples thrive on 24/7 togetherness. Some don''t. Listen to the signs of someone needing personal time alone. If Mr. M. is watching football with the dogs and beer, what is wrong with that?  
 
No different from a girls night or weekend out.  
 
Everybody needs a healthy space to breathe once in awhile.  
 
I'm not so sure this thread should be deleted. It brings communication insight which others might find helpful.  
 
If one starts a topic that is valid, it should be continued. If you want to ask for advice online, be prepared for opinions. That's what it's all about.  
 
Edited by Kellye, 2016-06-28 18:04:31

I'm a happily married man. My wife is beautiful, funny, intelligent... Everything I could ever dream to have/want in a woman.  
 
I go for wing with my buddies every Wednesday just me and the guys... Sometimes the girls come a long but mainly it's a guy thing. We occasionally (once every 3/4 months) do a trip to Winnipeg for a jets game or a bombers game as a guys trip. We are all married men.... Well we have that one friend who will never get married lol.  
We don't do it because we have a bit on the side, we don't do it because we can't stand being around our wives or girlfriends. We do it because it's healthy to spend time with other people a part from your significant other. Sometimes guys have guy time and girls have girl time. My wife goes to Winnipeg shopping with a few of her girlfriends on a Saturday. They go for supper and spend a night in a hotel. They have an awesome time then she comes home shows me the stuff she bought at Victoria's Secret and we get on with life.  
 
I feel sorry for any man or woman that can't have time with their friends. Everyone needs alone time. It's healthy. I think if anyone has a problem with their significant other spending time with their friends alone on occasions then there's some serious trust issues or other underlying issues that need to be addressed.

I love it when we have time apart. "our own time" If you cannot have time alone, or won't allow your significant other to have time alone, you are very insecure and distance- fo an hour, a night, a week - makes the heart grow fonder. I also love it when he finally gets home and I realize how I missed him, but glad he had a good time at whatever he went away for. He works dam hard and deserves a break. Before my illness I worked dam hard and took my break to Minot with the girls...he has no interest in shopping with the girls and got to stay home and do whatever it is he likes to do. Stable, healthy, trustworthy relationship.

I'm in my 40s and been with my wife for over 20 years. My wife takes a week traveling by herself or with a friend. I take a week with the boys golfing and/or fishing and we have a weeks vacation together. Love it. If she wants a weekend with the girls... Great. If I want a weekend with the boys... No problem. We raised a son and we did this when he was growing up as well. Time apart is fine. It's worked for us and we are going on 25 years together.